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The media and patriarchy gives us such a mixed view of ageing, I would like to write a bit on an alternative view point of ageing and what it means to me spiritually. Even if you do not subscribe to alternative spirituality, I hope you can read this and let it help shape your own paradigm and what ageing means to you. Ageing is not something to avoid – it is a gift that not everyone is lucky enough to experience. It is the true product of living and you need to shape the experience for yourself. We all are going to age, the only part we are in control of is how we view it.
The Triple Goddess lies in every woman. There are three cycles that are often represented by the waxing, full, and waning moon.
The Maiden
The Maiden is the only woman truly valued by the patriarchy but in my schema, she is the lowest in value. The Maiden is the woman coming fresh out of childhood and learning the extent of her feminine power. She is full of life, youth, and beauty. She is learning to harvest her energy. However, she is naive and inexperienced. She is symbolized by the waxing phase of the moon and new beginnings. Women in this stage need to be protected by the other stages. The framework she learns here will impact her for the rest of her life.
The Mother
The Mother is pseudo valued in society in an almost patronizing way. She is the part of our life cycles represented by full moons and big decisions. Even if you do not have children, she represents a fulfilling of feminine energy and a stage where you are learning to direct it. For me, this means a focus on my career and the quality of my relationships (specifically with friends and family). She has made it through the maiden phase and realized that the feminine beauty is within her. When I think of the mother I think big, thoughtful moves and stepping into power.
The Crone
This is the stage we are all working towards. The Crone, the goal, the waning moon, the deep mysteries of life. She radiates from her inner being. She has survived maidenhood, thrived in motherhood, and come out the other side with wisdom and grace to teach and protect. These are the women that should be our matriarchs. Politicians, heads of families, and teachers. She is often symbolized in darkness. While some fear her, what she is better suited towards is revered respect. I plan to teach at the collegiate level in my crone phase and I look at each day as a new learning experience to shape me into the crone I want to be. Where I can eventually guide, protect, give my wisdom to the world, and be fully in my power.
Patriarchy wants you to stop at the maiden stage. To spend motherhood trying desperately to cling to the maiden stage and to fall into obscurity as a crone. Do not accept that. Wherever you are, you are not yet complete in your feminine power. Shape your life in ways to help you become the woman you want to be. Be excited for the future, not clinging to the past.
Amazing post thank you for this. Very insightful
I spent many summers in a women-only space that honored women transitioning into their crone phase of life with a reverent ceremony and a celebration.
I love aging. Every year I get happier and richer, and further away from the physical possibility of becoming a mother.
I don't like these archetypes. I'm mother stage, but a maiden on her way to crone, and it sounds so limited.
i stopped reading at 'the mother'... my mother is evil
Beautiful
I never had kids (hopefully won't ever have them), so I'm shooting for crone status. I cannot wait. I'm taking care of my body, my skin, letting my grey hair grow and sharing my knowledge with as many younger women as possible!.
One thing I love about women’s spaces is the reverence given to the word ‘crone’ - I had only heard it in negative context and felt it was derogatory in nature. Reclaiming it and it’s wisdom really started to shift my ideas on aging, though breaking out of old patterns of linking value to youth is an ongoing challenge.
Thank you for this post! I'm in my early 30's and _society_ is pressuring me in ways I would have never imagined. I see all my friends getting engaged or married, having babies and this gives me much anxiety as I still don't know what I want really for myself. I work everyday on leveling up and being my own kind of Queen but being kind of lost on the profesionnal side because of my health I must admit reading about these stages soothed my soul a little bit so THANK YOU <3
Does patriarchy give a mixed view of aging?? Have I missed something? During my lifetime they have universally messaged to me that we as women lose value (allegedly in their eyes - not even true but wishful thinking on their side) for merely - existing -. 20+ years older, educated men have sat there and explained to me under the guise of biology that they hate us more & want to punish us with disdain for every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year that we exist. And as a consequence they hate us more for every new piece of knowledge we acquire, for every second we grow in character and wisdom, for every day we are of help to other people around us. I admire your kind way of speaking of them & I have read about this idea before, it was in a book on Wiccan culture & beliefs. But I am not sure if I even subscribe to the idea of aging anymore as I came to see how much it doesn't even matter to them if a 37 year old woman is perfectly fertile or that a 31 year old woman may look like the image they imagine an 21 yo woman to look like. They just care about making you feel nervous or bad about your age and on the outlook of aging as a woman. I came to the conclusion that their terrorism and fearmongering around aging is just one of many control tactics hateful men are trying to impose on us. So that we think we are less than and they have an easier time pushing us around and using us. Men have never hit on me more than now, end 20s. It has gotten more and more steadily. They completely ignored me when I was late teens / early 20s. They do not even know what they are attracted to. It is actually laughable. My only humoristic takeaway from the topic of aging double standard: Whenever a man tells me that 50/50 is fair I tell him if I pay 50/50 I except him to use an artificial womb for me and to proclaim that I age like fine wine.