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I've been seeing this guy for a few months and I've gotten to know a little better. I've noticed a pattern with him. Whenever he doesn't get his way, it seems like he likes to get back at me, but it's in this guise of him missing me. A few weeks back, he asked me out for dinner a week in advance and I couldn't make it. I sensed that he got butthurt. He doesn't talk to me for the rest of the week and on the day of the supposed meet up, he goes for dinner and sends me a picture of the food with the caption "this could have been you and I". I'm like whatever, I couldn't make it, but didn't think much of it.
After that, he invited me out with friends for food. As I call for an uber at midnight he ditched me with his friend for drinks. I was left alone in the streets. Luckily, his two other friends (who actually have girlfriends and sisters) stayed behind and waited for me to get into my uber like gentlemen. After that fiasco, I was like okay, never again, he doesn't value my safety.
Last week, he wanted to know if I was available for a date. Granted, I'd have to find my own way back to and from our date. I had that immediate flashback from the Uber fiasco, and was like hell no. I told him no and he gets butthurt again. For the past few days, he's been sending me "this could have been us on dates" pictures of him getting coffee, eating at new restaurants, and his little adventures. I know that he's doing this to try lure me back into his orbit. I've seen this pattern before with men when they sense that I'm losing interest in them, and try to make themselves more attractive.
I haven't had guys do this to me since my college days. This is someone who's 11 years older than me. I am having the "ick" from him right now. Instead of doing all this nonsense and sending "you're missing out" pics, it would have been been productive to create more opportunities and take initiative to see me and treat me well, so that another date is guaranteed from the start.
I'm trying to wrap my head around guys who can't handle rejection, and think/assume lowly of me. I know that in his head, he thinks I'm lonely, and desperate, because I choose to live a quiet mundane lifestyle. The reality is that, I don't want to be around people for the sake of not being lonely and having a free meal. I want to be around people that make me happy and treat me well. Truthfully, I just want to be in good company with a man that cares about me and treats me well.
This behaviour and treatment from him is truly disrespectful. I will never see him again nor be in the presence of his company as I've blocked his number.
"As I call for an uber at midnight he ditched me with his friend for drinks. I was left alone in the streets."
This right here is a showstopper.
Block. Delete. Move on.
P.S. As another commenter pointed out: he fucking hates you.
Why did you not block him at the end of the first paragraph?
Um, leaving you alone to wait for an uber is a very clear sign that he hates you, and is a horrible person lacking in even basic decency. You shouldn't read anything into this beyond that. Who cares what he thinks of your peaceful and solitary lifestyle when he is literally the scum of the earth?
The first red flag is him being 11 years older than you. 🚩🚩🚩 Old men who date women significantly younger than you are PREDATORS. Always. His poor behavior is exactly why he has to date women extremely young: no woman his age in their right mind are putting up with his shit.
Block. Delete. And next time if you want to date older the max is 4 years. Most people naturally date within 0-2 years so 4 years is truly pushing it. But anything beyond that and there's something wrong with that man.
You've got it backwards. He's getting off on treating you bad. He doesn't care that you rejected him. He's getting off on all the little messages you're exchanging because it means he's still got you on the hook, and in his sick mind, that means that you would let him be shitty to you again. He wants you to let him.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT HIS FRIENDS WERE GENTLEMEN? You were outnumbered in that situation. Multiple guys and one woman. Think about how dangerous that is. Never go out with a guy "and his friends" early on. Firstly, that's not a date. Secondly, a lot of men think it means you're agreeing to a gangbang when they tell you their friends are coming. Yes they are that depraved.
I don't think he hates you. Situations like this do not at all mean he hates you. Hate towards a specific person is very much an active feeling. Rather, most guys are self-absorbed, insecure, emotional losers. This is a reflection of them. A lot of them truly only see interactions with others through the lens of what they can get and it isn't specific to the person that they are engaging with, especially not when you've only seen them for a while. This idea that men are going around hating individual women they barely know is absurd. There's an argument that they are going around hating attractive women as a collective or just women on the whole, but you specifically? Nah sis, don't worry about it.
I've seen the behaviour you described in insecure younger people. Further, people who find you boring for not wanting to be out every night just can't sit still and want others to be available to them. Whenever I meet people like this, they often have a lot of low value people in their circles because they're not selective. It's all about FOMO.
I gasped at "he left me alone in the streets". Imagine you married pregnant with his child and he does this to you 10 years from now. A man who treats woman like this does not respect her.
I’ve actually never dated a guy who has acted this way. This one sounds particularly immature. I’m sorry this came out after a few months but now you know!
Block, delete, next. Each one of those offenses is a deal breaker.
That's so petty and childish 🤣