when men proclaim "you've been hurt"

It's just another way for them to make us feel ashamed for having the audacity of having boundaries in the first place. It's to make us feel crazy or like we should prove them wrong by relaxing our lines with them. Don't fall for it.

It's meant to invoke sterotype threat. After he says that, you're supposed to run around in circles to prove you trust all new men 110% with no holding back. They want pickmes who buy into the lie that women are just as dangerous as men and who ignore scientific fact such as crime stats. Block and delete before you end up in therapy

It's a gaslighting tactic plain and simple. They don't actually believe this or care. It's to confuse and undermine you.

This is a common 'backfooting' technique. I get this or the old standby 'who hurt you?!' a lot when I state that I am not interested in dating anymore (more specifically why I am not interested in dating YOU to whatever guy dares to push past my initial absolute NO).

It's meant to put you on the defensive, so you'll 'behave' in a way more conducive to his benefit.

I think they're trying to get you to overshare vulnerabilities and attach because he "saw" you. It's risky, because if you haven't actually been hurt it comes off like a cringy pick-up line. I've thankfully never had this happen to me.

The other commenters here are right that this is a manipulation tactic, but I'll also add that it's projection. Men who say this have hurt women, enjoy hurting women, and are looking for more women to hurt. They know that they're nothing but a destructive presence to women and they assume that other men are like that too. They also want to figure out how a woman has been hurt in her past so they can do it to her again.

The best away to deal with these types of stupid comments is to not engage. Don't confirm or deny, don't debate them, don't try to hit them with some clever little quip. Just give him a weirded out look like he just told you he likes to eat his own boogers, say "umm... okay" and walk away. Generally works for me.

Yes, yes you had a normal, logical reaction to someone's hurtful behavior.

Flip it to "He was hurtful." It is just more classic gaslighting.

It's the same with "You seem upset." Flip it to "His behavior was upsetting."

Apply this tactic basically to all of life.

"You need help." No, the man behaving abhorrently needs "help."

"You sound angry." No, the men are not listening, the men misinterpret and twist my words, the men do not have empathy.

I think they say it because they are trying to insult you and show that you're vulnerable and weak. They want to make you think that they can see your vulnerability.

I feel like it's just to be patronizing and what other queens said here

Id double down and say, "Yes, I've been hurt, and its by YOUR gender. I have every right to be guarded."

I think it might be a manipulation tactic which is meant to place the blame onto your "trust issues" instead of him disrespecting you and your boundaries.

aka "it's not my behavior, you're just overly guarded and paranoid because you have been hurt in the past".

It means two things:

- He is obviously a dark triad (narcissist/psychopath/sociopath) who tries to manipulate you into thinking that it's you who are not normal here, that you have some issues causing problems in relationship (classic gaslighting).

- Or he is just mysoginistic so he genuiely thinks that every woman who states her boundaries and is not letting the men to walk all over her must have been hurt by another men, otherwise all women act like gullible, friendly puppies just waiting to be pet by any stranger.

I would say, " Yeah. I have been hurt... from not having boundaries and suffering the consequences. What's your point?"