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I hate it when I talk to my brother about my dad constantly pressuring me to find someone, and my brother says "He means well, but..."
And I'm like "I DON'T CARE! I MEAN WELL TOO!" And my brother is like "yeah..."
I don't want to talk to my brother anymore about the problems I have with my dad. Although my brother is generally supportive of me "having my own life," he completely turns me off when he says that my dad "means well..." I don't CARE if he "means well" or not. My dad's statements put me under exorbitant mental pressure.
All aboard the gaslight and invalidation express — there's room for everyone!
Only men receive the benefit of the doubt, never women.
Every shitty trait or thoughtless action gets generously explained away while women are villainized for everything from the filters we use to how our bodies look after childbirth. We never get a break.
I've recently come to the conclusion that if you have to say that someone "means well, but..." they probably don't. Because if they actually meant well, you wouldn't have to specify it! It's giving "I'm a nice guy" vibes 🙃
"He means well, but..."
He doesn't, though.
The end.
This is me with my dad and his dad, who has been forcing me to kiss him hello and goodbye for as long as I can remember. (Forcing meaning yea he's old and I could physically get out of it if I wanted to, instead of just craning my head away and succeeding half the time, but it would cause a big ass scene.)
I finally got my ovaries together and warned my parents next time he does that, that big ass scene is exactly what I'm gonna create and got so much "he means well!" "He just wants to express his love" "he's old and won't understand why you don't want to kiss him!" "You usually put up with it so well!"
Like one, this man has a vibrant social life, is the president of his HOA, and mows his own lawn. He's entirely lucid. And even if he wasn't, "hug, don't kiss" is a literal toddler level instruction.
It's a game he plays because he knows I'm uncomfortable and he finds it funny to push my boundaries. He does not fucking mean well.
So I finally went off at my parents about how I'm sure of what is right and they can support me or not. And now my mom is falling all over herself to be nice to me and my dad is giving me the silent treatment. Oh well.
I see them all next week. Should be a fun time.
Yeah, easy for your brother to say when he's not the one affected by it.
It's because they don't want to face the uncomfortableness of facing all the shitty behaviour your dad does and just wants to sweep it under the rug with that comment.
It's a way of indirectly saying to just put up with it, and that's why it's so frustrating.
After what the hamas terrorists have done to innocent women, I'm beginning to think that men are the root of all evil. Men don't mean well. If they did the wouldn't feel comfortable causing harm on a global scale.
People do not mean well about women in a patriarchy.
Your dad probably loves you, but you're still a female in a patriarchy to him.
"He means well" is a phrase only ever uttered by pick mes and enablers. They know the man's behaviour is indefensible so they try to derail the conversation by making it all about motives/intentions.
My mother used to say the same about my dad.