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Edited to add:
I was also able to find their custody and financial agreement. She has primary custody- oftentimes a red flag as judges prefer 50/50 in CA. As for financial, it stated that she was to take on all of her medical debt. This seems unfair, doesn't it? A heart transplant in CA can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars AFTER insurance pays their share. I get that this was HER procedure; however, they were married at the time. Generally, debt incurred during a marriage is considered joint debt.
Anyway, I'm done googling. Just think the whole thing stinks.
I was recently asked out by a semi-co-worker (we are in different departments but do work together on an infrequent basis). On paper, everything looked great:
-Ivy League graduate
-Well-regarded by all coworkers
-Awesome work ethic
-High salary
I told him I needed some time to “think about it” (in other words, do my research).
I googled him and, WOW! So impressive. He’s made quite a mark for himself on the internet.
I wondered if he’d been married, so I looked him up on the local courthouse portal.
I found:
His ex-wife had filed for divorce against him, and there was a domestic violence accusation that was dropped (means nothing, as judges frequently disregard women’s allegations of domestic violence).
Then I googled his ex-wife.
Freaking lovely woman. Absolutely stunning and accomplished. But what’s more- lots of stories about her tragic story of needing a heart transplant at a young age. And amidst all of this, just a tiny blip (you’d almost miss it if you didn’t look real close- and in the over 10 articles, only mentioned in one):
HUSBAND LEFT HER WHILE SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AWAITING THE TRANSPLANT.
Eff this guy.
FFS, why are so many men so terrible?
Needless to say, I will not be taking him up on his date offer.
Always look up a new man’s name in online local court records!! It can reveal a variety of past happenings, not least a criminal past, but also financial disputes, suing/being sued, drug use, divorce, domestic disputes, etc. You can’t properly vet a man without having maximum information about his past.
Terrific job vetting thoroughly and not just putting on the rose-colored glasses for this seemingly impressive man 👑
Great that you caught this early. I am kind of wary about highly career-driven men for that reason: they're so willing to throw their partners under the bus as soon as they feel they could "hold them back" in any way. This story also reminds me of a best-selling author whose book I recently read and whose writing style came across as somewhat mansplain-y and overly grandiose. I know this to be a red flag for hypocrisy because my ex talked the same way. And, of course: the same year he published his book waxing poetical about his values and how to be a good person, he left his wife and mother of his three kids to be with a woman who is 15 years younger than him, and marrying and having a kid with her within 1,5 years. Disgusting scrote. It's not always accomplished men, but accomplished men DO have a tendency to be extremely self-absorbed.
Well done you for finding all of this! 👏🏻 why do men with money not deserve it? Terrible man. Bet he blows it.
How do I look on a courthouse portal?
Also if you didn't find anything in court records doesn't mean he's safe, in most cases nothing is filed against men because police and judges side with men. Never stop vetting.
I’ve always done that. Or, convince them to add me to their social media. Idiot never removed the tags from any of his exes. Found out he was talking to me around the same time that he was in full blown relationships. Two pregnancies scares.
But the real kicker…..he was in relationship with a girl that I matched on Bumble BFF. I was mad. He dumped her to get with me. I rejected him. He jumped into another relationship. But hey, that’s his fiancé’s problem now. She can deal with the lies 🤣
I'm all for paying for a professional background check and some surveillance.