I had a male friend who insisted we were just friends but was acting like we were in a relationship- contacting Me daily, saying something flirty then would get embarrassed or backpedal, say how he cared about me, made plans to see me that seemed just like dates but werent.. this was his long con game into trying to trick women into falling for his dusty self.
He told me that he kept all his exes in his phone and would regularly contact them to try to "catch up". He also told me he would use the dating apps to befriend women, get their numbers, and would try to entertain a friend ship of just chatting (without actually dating them).sometimes he would engage in hot/cold games of taking days to respond after sort of love bombing.
He knew he brought nothing to the table, admitted it several times to me, and how he also had serious anxiety and self confidence issues. This is why he would try to trick women into thinking they were just friends and slowly start hitting on her, slowly start love bombing and future faking in subtle ways, and when she'd catch on and put him in his place "you're just my friend, don't talk like that" he would deny what he said, backpedal, tell her she was imagining things and she was the one getting feelings, and then he would vanish for a few days before popping up in her texts again.
The truth was that his game was luring in as many women as he could, chatting it up as long as possible, because he would Essentially develop crushes on these women and have a fake relationship in his mind with them. He was delibrately trying to confuse these women, they started to not understand if it was just a friendship or if this was entering relationship territory. Keeping women's numbers in his phone made him feel like a player. as he would start acting more like it was a relationship and then immediately push back when the women would want more from him. He was trying to get women to chase him, he always wanted to be the prize.
He ended up admitting to me that he tries sucking women in this way by making them fall in love with him, through getting them to trust him and open up. He opens up just enough and then will slowly start a love bombing and start future faking. But it's subtle and slowly done, so it wasn't always obvious to them. "We are friends, I trust you, I want us to be able to talk about anything, I'm comfortable with you," are some of the lines he would use pretending to be a friend. He wanted her to be confused in gray zone between friends and a couple, it kept her around usually, and it gave him lots of ammo on how to win her over if he ever decided he wanted something more.
He never intended to meetup at first. He'd mention places casually and never follow through or make excuses as to why he couldn't show up. But after several months he'd develop the bravery after she had caught feelings for him thinking they'd be a couple and were soul mates that they'd meet up, and there'd he'd be: an insecure about his height, size, and weight, broke manlet across the table that's she's so emotionally invested into that she overlooks the fact she's not physically attracted to him (along with the tons of other red flags) that she ends up sleeping with him.
He wins and gets what he wants. Then he ends up saying they can't have a relationship and they're just friends and will try to call her a wh0re. And then her number will stay in his contacts, like a little souvenir, "the girl way out of his league that he banged" when he boasts to his friends, and then mentions to his next victim. He got his ego boost and feels like the man for getting with the hot chick that was so head over heels for him.
Don't be fooled by men like this. Men are not your friends, especially insecure men who will waste your time for the gain of their own ego. I've encountered a few like them when I was younger and that's how it always went! The story is from my younger pickme days and I know better now, so I don't need to be lectured, I'm posting for others to learn the tactics and as a cautionary tale.
Wonder which pick up artist or manesphere guru taught him that.
You're not a derogatory patriarchal "pick me" label. You're taking all his blame and blaming yourself. You're not responsible, he is the pathetic one who should be ashamed of himself. You were inexperienced to manipulation and abuse because; nobody educates the young. We can't go from a young kid to knowing everything about relationship skills or the various types of abuse. It's like expecting a child to jump into a car and drive it. What's worse is women don't even teach each other and misogynist women enable these male abusers. What you described is emotional and psychological or coercive abuse. But this form of abuse you described is not recognised in society or court of law. And it should be.
This is almost exactly my experience with a scrote at work who I used to have a huge crush on (insert clown emoji). For a short time it was cute, we'd talk a lot and be flirty or whatever, but it was just what you said right down to the subtle future faking for small things like meeting up at the gym since we both lift, though he never intended for that to actually happen, and trying to get me to chase. Eventually I realized he didn't actually like *me*, he just liked the attention and ego boost of me liking him. In addition to that he let several things slip during conversation that through my FDS lens I know to be signs of a mega scrote. Just not someone who is worth my time in any way.
Now he wonders why I don't talk to him anymore even though he desperately keeps trying to engage me in conversation again. On the rare occasions we do need to talk for work reasons, I grey rock and keep it super basic.
Yes, please be on the lookout for these types and don't give them the validation that are looking for. Good post.
I've met a couple of guys EXACTLY like this. Frustrates me to no end. I can't stand the games, the intentional ambiguity. If you like me, go find your balls and ask me out properly. But no, they want to do the LeT's Be fRiEnDs and HaNg OuT manipulative angle. Hard pass. The most irritating thing is I actually liked these guys, and we could've had a nice relationship, but then they went and did this shit and I just got pissed and started to actively dislike and avoid them. Congratulations boys, you played yourselves. And now, I guess you only have yourselves to play with. 💀
This is happening right now to me and I’m just observing the scrotes actions. He thinks I’m his next victim but I’m one step ahead. I am laughing at him. We met exactly like you. He keeps interacting with me on social media, told me he wanted to see me as soon as possible (never asked me out) and that I was such a GREAT person and he was so glad to have met me. He sends me kisses emojis with heart, good nights and he also CALLS ME FRIEND. HAHAHA what a clown. I obviously know he’s playing. He’s trying to leave confused and probably he wants to keep me as an option but don’t want the commitment to date me now. Like, do they really think we are dumb enough to think they don’t see us as a potential date? Hahahahahaha scrote
I know a scrote like that, and thought we were friends - we met through a mutual hobby and were part of a bigger group. He was very fit and fun to be around, and at first I thought he was interested in me, as he’d drive for an hour to pick me up, take me to a restaurant 10 mins from my house, pay, drive me back and hang out at mine. I didn’t know FDS then, but since I noticed that he never even tried to kiss me, despite many semi-romantic situations and innuendoes in the moonlight blah blah blah, I got impatient and just recategorised him as a friend, and we would have many good conversations about dating etc., and he really did give me some decent advice as if he was my older brother or a parent. It was actually nice to have him as a friend. Then he pretty much disappeared when he got himself a girlfriend, even though I was excited for him and invited them both over (along with our other friends) many times. Your post has just clarified to me what was going on. He always had many female “friends” that were exceptionally pretty and fit, and they seemed like nice people too, but he’d never publicly introduce them, and I only met them because I happened to run into him with one girl or another on various hikes out in the sticks. He did like posting some ambiguous photos of their hikes, where you couldn’t quite see whom he was with, but you’d see, for example, his legs along with some female legs and a cup of coffee against a nature backdrop. He must have enjoyed his games that he was playing alone.
I had a partner like that and a "friend" like that. I could see straight through what the friend was trying to do, but for some reason I really believed that my ex and his harem of online female friends were just friends 🤡. After I broke up with him, I saw he tagged his friend in weird sentimental & intimate posts. Oh well, you live and you learn. It hurt, but I'm proud of myself for not taking it too personally. It's an addiction. They have a hole in their heart which they fill with this kind of validation seeking.