Still mad about a LV male ‘friend’. Learn from my mistakes..

People always used to come after my throat when I told them that I seriously don't believe (heterosexually-inclined) men and women can be friends. It's just too easy for things to get messy, and usually, it's the man who makes things superbly awkward and painful for the woman. I'm really sorry this happened.

I've tried very hard to make platonic connections with men in my life. Many men, in fact. I just wanted to have a healthy, balanced social life. But men do not see things the way we women do. We have the ability to see the humanity in people and create beautiful friendships without ulterior motives hiding beneath them; most men, majority of the times than not, cannot do the same thing. Men always sees a woman as a conquest to attain and achieve.

I’m not a fan of males as platonic friends, they’re always lying in wait, hoping if they’re patient enough you’ll eventually grant them sexual access. Which seems a little predatory to me. And in the meantime, they won’t hesitate to use you for every other need possible, while convincing themselves they’re great guys because they’re not having sex with you. While giving you zilch in return. I’m not surprised. Every male friend I’ve ever had exhibited these same behaviors. Men are so badly socialized that even if they’re not trying to use your body they still offer zero value. Don’t be too hard on yourself for being an empathetic human with feelings. I too would have been crushed to learn an old dear friend who I often commiserated with had lost their mum. You’re ‘normal’, he’s the poorly adjusted one. Ugh.

@Moxy I'm genuinely sorry for what happened. The bar is truly in hell if he was delusional enough to think you would reciprocate feelings with such horrendous behaviour. As women, our default cultural programming is to doubt ourselves and think we're being too harsh. Flip the script and ask yourself, would I do that? The answer is almost always no. Men are not truly our friends. Particularly straight men. You were a wonderful friend and a very gracious, kind host. He should have been the same. You did the right thing by blocking this SCROTE. Women don't get a gold medal for eating sh!t, despite the fact that society falsely tells us there is. I wish I had a friend like you, I don't since leveling up. The truth is, this man was never your friend but you were his friend. Being a nice nurturing friend does fuck women over unfortunately, especially when you're leveling up or have leveled up. We have to be so selective of who we're nice and nurturing to because most people would take advantage of it. I started setting boundaries, this year. I stopped initiating contact with so called friends to see what would happen. Never heard from half of them again. Most of the other half don't wana hangout now that I'm refusing to foot the bill and asking everyone to pay for themselves when we go out.

If I were your friend I'd feel so cringeworthy letting you "host your arse off" not once, but TWICE, and I'd probably go way overboard trying to make it up to you when you visited me, but really you should feel more comfortable being laid back with friends. Not as laid back as HIM obviously, but as we all know the bar for men is so low it's in Hades. I can only assume he is an emotional cripple, and/or an alcoholic as other ladies have said. You did what any overly enthusiastic, loving friend would do, and he just took advantage of it like men do. If this were a female friend who behaved that way I'd be putting distance between us even without the love confession, but because this is a scrote AND he somehow thought he had a chance with you I'd probably end up doing a slow fade/ghost.

He apparently thinks any woman who is nice to him can only be a love interest, and I wouldn't bet on salvaging anything resembling a friendship with him. I never say "impossible" but he's so childish!

And the bedding thing?! Fuckin creepy! I can only imagine him sniffing it constantly pretending he can smell you, while stroking it and silently crying. Seriously. Unless it's some 2000 thread count woven cloud material that's only available in one pattern I PROMISE you that's what he does to it. It's obsessive. I bet my left tit (my favorite tit) that he's a toxic "nice guy" incel who really believes you're meant to be together and he's just waiting for you to realize it.

The part I found most upsetting is actually the lack of milk. Like it’s such a small tiny thing. He didn’t even try to make your stay pleasant at all. Not even a little. It’s little acts of thoughtlessness that grate me the most.

Well done and great lessons to carry forward. Friendships with men always seem to benefit them more. Sigh. I’m also the kind to search for a confirmatory obituary before believing a sob story… heh heh 😏 We match energy in all interactions now.

He’s a functional alcoholic. End of story.

Due to how men are socialized, the moment there's an ounce of emotional support or openness, they assume you've got feelings for them and they become attached. They don't experience any emotional support in their male-male friendships with their bros, so they can't understand that's how normal friendship goes.

Cue the inevitable 'I've got feelings for you!' when in reality it's just "you care about me in a normal friendship type way" and they can't tell the difference. As usual, this is on them.

As for the lack of effort, his "feelings" for you were supposed to have been alllll you needed cuz he's the true prize 🙄

First off I want to say I’m sorry that you had to go through this! ☹️ That man was certainly no friend of yours and he took advantage of your kindness as well as your generosity when you were just trying to be a good friend + host. You made the right choice in blocking him. Now personally, I am not a fan of having any male friends. That is because of similar experiences, like the one you described in your post, I’ve had where they mistook my kindness and generosity as flirtatious in nature (when that was clearly not the case!) . Even back when I was in university and I had to do a group assignments I would have male classmates, from my group, confuse my text messages as flirting…….mind you, ALL of my text exchanges with them would just be about the group assignment….I never once “led” them on or flirted with them. They would only back off as soon as I made it clear that I had a boyfriend. 🙄 I believe that’s just how most men are, well the LV and NV ones, they are not used to their own male friends being kind and generous so when a woman shows them one simple act of kindness they assume it’s because “she likes me!” . I also assume that most LVM have very poor social skills and have no idea how to talk to a woman so if one just says “hi” to them they think they must be in love with them.🤮 I know that sounds silly but from my observations, and experiences, it’s sadly true. I don’t think it’s possible to “bond” with men as friends because they turn everything sexual and I’ve noticed that if given the chance to have s*x with you they would do it in a heartbeat. Male friends come off as predatory in nature.

Moxy, Moxy, ,love you, sister, enjoy reading your posts. But, gurl--I saw this coming a mile away! It's unfortunately a cliche. I swear that, after reading it was about a male "friend", I was suspicious, and after I read that you went on trio holidays, I knew what the ending would be. "Oh, he's got a thing for her," I said to myself, "Same old story." Then, I had to excuse myself to do some household tasks before reading on. While I was doing them, I was already writing out my answer in my head, telling you how basically every platonic guy friend I've had has eventually confessed feelings of love...

So, I came back and finished reading, and...no surprises. My surprise is that it happened at your age because usually, it's something I see with much younger girls. (No disrespect, but they're less suspicious of men.) I've had platonic friends that waited years to confess, one that did it by voicemail, using the words, "madly, truly, deeply" (ICK). This was the phone I shared with a HOUSEFUL of people back when each house had one phone! (Nope, not the 80s, the early 2000s, actually, lol) GAWD, HOW EMBARRASSING! Since she happened to check the phone messages first, my roommate listened to it before I did! CRINGE!

Another "friend" said he'd talked to his therapist about me and she encouraged him to confess his love. (SUPER ICK) Another pulled over (the car) one night and, out of the fucking blue, asked if he could kiss me. Another called from the other side of the country to say he loved me. Yes, these were friends for years before making their move. Another was a friend from high school, who, twenty years later, revealed that he had always wanted to be my boyfriend. He, then, hit on me when I was staying at his house one night in an emergency situation. How creepy to take advantage of the fact I had nowhere else to stay! (Btw, he's not the only guy who's pulled this shit--tried to get me into his bed when I was already staying over and couldn't just leave late at night. Men are so predatory!) He came into the room where I was in bed and offered to tuck me in! "As a gentleman," he said. I think he was drunk and/or high. EWW. Gives me the creeps to this day! It's so child molester-y.

I could go on, that's not even all of them...

More than one sister has already said it, here, and I will echo their sentiment: a guy will always fuck you if you give him a chance. Even one that's not in love, not secretly pining for years, thinks you're so-so looking...If you offered it, he'd take it.

The only reason a guy is a platonic friend is because you don't want him and he has agreed to respect that boundary and not cross that line. But, if you erased that line, he'd jump over the ground it was drawn on and land on you!

Most men are just not interested in female friendship. (And, when they are, it's still icky. I dated Mr. Platonic Friend of Women. UGH. Spare yourselves, ladies!) I don't actually think it's a character flaw; it's just the way they're made. We as women have to quit being self-servingly naive, and accept that they are not like us. You can be platonic friends with men, but NOT the way you are with women. You always have to keep your guard up. This is for your own emotional protection, as well, because when we women are feeling down, and a man provides a shoulder to cry on, it can easily turn into more body parts than his shoulder! LOL

Honestly, I got triggered when you said you had a boyfriend and yet, invited this male "friend" to stay with you. I thought, "And that was ok with her boyfriend?" (He knows how men think--he is one.) I wouldn't be ok with my man having a female friend sleep over. Just, no. There are plenty of women who also play the "platonic friend" game when they're secretly in love with a guy who's "just like a brother". (Anytime a woman calls a straight man "my best friend", my alarm goes off.)

There are also women who get off on having male attention without having to give pussy privileges. She enjoys being desired, taken out, protected, emotionally supported, etc., but is NOT interested in the guy; she just uses him for her own ego and other benefits. (It's not always evil--sometimes just misguided, but still selfish. See: Scarlett Johansson in "He's Just Not That Into You".) She enjoys being the special woman in his life, and when that position is threatened by other women that might actually want him sexually/romantically, she springs into action and pretends to be into him. (Or actually convinces herself that she is.) She might even have sex with him to keep him on the leash. (I have a friend who said she did that with her male "best friend" when she was young. She'd actually fuck him if he showed interest in another girl, but not otherwise.)

It also made me unsettled when you said you provided emotional support for each other. TRAUMA BOND ALERT! These dynamics are always problematic because they create an emotional bond that is easily confused as erotic love/romantic feelings by both sides. You, too, were at risk for forming a counterfeit connection with him and developing warm, fuzzy feelings. It happens to women all the time. (I don't care how ugly he is, how goofy, how you think of him as a little/big brother, whatever, doesn't matter. This is not a logical thing; it's an emotional thing.)

In fact, predatory men will use our emotional hardships to their advantage. Have you ever heard of the "friend" who comes to your rescue when you just broke up with someone and are feeling lonely and sad? Yes, it's a thing. The reverse also happens: The girl calls on a platonic male friend for comfort after a breakup, and it's pretty much code for "Come and get it!"

There are also women who imagine that men are interested in them. I know a woman in a horrid marriage who will fall for basically anyone who gives her kind attention or shows the least bit of caring or friendliness, which she will instantly confuse as flirtation--or, more-- because she is so starved for love.

So, I say, "Hell, no!" to coed sleepovers. It's just too messy, even with people who have good intentions. What's that saying about the "road to Hell" ? 😉

If you want great hosting, come to NYC! My place is spotless, I'm a great cook, and I will buy your damn "regular" milk! LOL (I don't drink it, either, so it will be especially purchased for your royal visit!)

Wanting to f*ck you with no effort involved to woo you doesn’t equal him having feelings for you. In fact, he had nothing but sexual intentions towards you this whole time—to conquer you. And when you went out of your way to be a good host and friend to him, his male ego took it as you lowering yourself and not being worthy of pursuit, since he erroneously believed you wanted to f*ck him, too. A man who actually had feelings for you would be afraid to turn you off and to not impress you. If you’d have slept with this guy, he’d have dumped you ASAP afterwards. He was just playing the long game with you letting you believe your “friendship” had meaning to him other than him planning long term p*ssy access. Men do this a lot. They’ll play the friend role and allow you to believe in your head that there’s some sort of real love and respect there when if you really analyze the situation, you were his friend, and he wasn’t yours. He was hoping your imagination of time and perceived effort of you investing into him would make you think you had something to gain by having sex with him. Good thing you didn’t fall for it. This was just some player sh1t disguised as friendship.

I'm still new here, but grief can really affect people. He could still be going through depression, which affects people neurologically, including their ability to plan and execute things. I wouldn't have been nasty towards him and blocked him. Just say right now you don't reciprocate his romantic feelings. He was a suppprtive friend to you when you were going through things with your elderly parents. There is nothing wrong with staying friends and supporting each other that way, but no need to continue these long stays with each other. I honestly wouldn't do that with any man unless I was romantically involved with him.