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I'm a server. I had this seemingly nice old man at my table yesterday, dining alone, very friendly. I had actually served his family last November, I remember the interaction well. It was his grandsons 19th birthday and the family was getting him drunk (we're Canadian so legal age is 19) nice family, tipped me well, everyone was very polite. So I was enjoying my chat with the seemingly nice old man. Until I dropped off his plate and asked "Can I get you anything else?"
"A Smile." He said :)
My face immediately dropped. "Are you going to tell me a joke?"
"No. I just need a smile." He replied :)
"Does my smile change the taste of your food?" I asked.
"Ah I saw your lips twitch, that's good enough for me." He said :)
I was done with this man. No more nice-ness. No more friendly smiles. You get bare bone service. I don't get why he even said that because I'm very aware of my facial expressions at work. I am very friendly. I am smiling, im chatting people up, making jokes, laughing at their stupid jokes. That's the job. And im great at the bullshit connections. I really don't need to explain my annoyance with you ladies, we all get it. I think my generation (gen z's) are so sick of the bullshit, we're all becoming less and less tolerate of men's sexist comments.
HOWEVER! My mother, who was born in 1980, 43 years old. Not old by any means. When I told her this story, instead of sympathizing with me, or relating, or saying anything else really. She hits me with "you know men say that to you a lot, you must not be very personable eh? Like you got a RBF all the time." She tells me. Fuck. You. Lady.
I turned 43 today, and if I was there I would have told you that you can do whatever you want with your face and took the scrote scoffs. I noticed that generation X has been shuffled up and divided between the boomers and the "snowflakes". I am a proud snowflake, making boomers rage when they get called out for hitting kids since 1999. Generation X has unfortunately also been divided into women who think rape culture falls under "boys will be boys", and women like me who are horrified by the lyrics of "Baby, it's cold outside.". I think if they had to think about it too hard they would have to deal with the sexual harassment and sexual assault trauma most of us went through from men. It was also huge for victim blaming so most of us kept quiet as to not be deemed "some slut trying to ruin Ricky's life". I am not making excuses, not at all. But these might be a few reasons your mother hasn't gotten with the program. My mom still thinks you can steal men, also that a man can punch you or cheat and still love you.
In the words of Halsey, "No, I won't smile but I'll show you my teeth"
I hate being told to smile. I am naturally serious and focused at work. I recently had a female colleague tell me I looked too serious in a meeting. I am supposed to be grinning at work now?
It is all about power, ego, and the patriarchy, and it can come from anywhere (even your own mother 😫). When does anyone attempt to coerce a man into smiling? I don’t have a solution for you, except to remind yourself it is their issue, not yours, and try to let it slide off and keep being secure in your normal self.
That guy was completely out of line, as was OP's mother. Unfortunately a lot of older men are LVM and have been socialised to believe that women only exist to please them. My father (who is also a LVM) says horrible sexist stuff all the time, but then when he needs something, I'm the first one he'll call on. It's infuriating!
Working in customer service- I've lost count of the no. Of dusty old men who say such nonsense 🤢🤢
It really ruins the mood.
Sorry from a fellow Canadian 🍁
What bothers me most is the fact that such an inappropriate request could come from a seemingly respectable man.
You did well by refusing to cooperate. I would have refused as well.
Where in the U.S. did this occur? (You don't have to give details.)