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I am still beating myself to giving him another chance when it went wrong the first place.
I have been talking with a guy for 2 months and he had many HVM behaviors that I thought to myself, maybe this could work and WOW WAS I WRONG...
We set up our fourth date and he canceled on me last minute stating his friend whom he has not seen in years made a surprise visit to our city. I was not happy about a last min cancellation so decided to stop talking to him but I convinced myself to at least set my boundary and tell him that I am not okay on last min cancellations if it is not an emergency. He had many ways to work around this and he didn't so I thought I at least "communicate." He took the conversation in a mature way (compared to all my LVM ex's) so I thought I give him one last chance and see how he acts in person. Then he got covid so he just continued to chat over messaging and meet after he recovered. Then yesterday, he texted me in the morning telling me he decided to be in a committed relationship with his friend he known for a long time and basically everything ended. I didn't even bother to read his long paragraph message and just blocked him.
once again lesson learned to 1. NEVER give second chances if they did you the wrong 2. trust your gut- I felt really off about his last min cancellation and I strongly suspect that "friend" that visited him was probably the girl.
my hope was high as I came out from a narc relationship and have been working hard in therapy that I thought I finally met a decent person...
I think at this point, love just does not exist for me and better off on my own.
"Then he got covid...."
I doubt that. As I wrote yesterday, this is getting to be the handy BS excuse of the 2020s.
Coming out of a relationship with a narc, it can feel like we are broken and doomed to bad relationships for the rest of our life. But in reality, you are still recovering from being abused for however long you were with that guy.
Be kind to yourself but definitely learn from this experience. The first time a guy flakes on you, it should be his last. Never give anyone the chance to reject you twice (and flaking on set plans at the last minute without a very serious reason is a form of rejection). It sounds like you know what to look for now, so brava! As my friend always says, men are like buses. Another one will be along any minute now.
It’s okay, we’ve all been there. We had high hopes for people and wanted to see the best and give the benefit of the doubt. I’ve done this as well because I was scared of being alone.
I remember once a lawyer took my number and asked me out when we agreed on the time and place which is near my house because I'm not going near him why do I have to??
The day of the meeting 2 hours before, he texted me I'm sorry I can't come today I have an emergency. That was the the day I immediately blocked him with no hesitation, then he started calling me from private numbers and sending me text massages saying that I'm weird. Lol I'm not weird I just don't like time wasters and if you are going to play me I will shut you down.
Never accept cancelation ladies we cancel our plans to meet with these scrots so why is their lives more important then ours ?
This actually happened to me a few weeks back. Was pursued hard and was hit with a long message that he got into a relationship after a weekend away with friends. It totally sucks. Don’t blame yourself queen. I feel I’m better off alone also as I’m sick of the disappointment. Sending love x
No worries fellow queen, it is time to readjust your crown and move on! It is not your fault he treated you that way.
“Friend who he has not seen in year's made a surprise visit”. Nah fam. You dodged a bullet. He's most likely a narc with a “friend” harem. The mere fact that from her perspective, he was a “friend” for years and now he wants to ask her out tells me that in a way he's stringing her along as well. Men know IMMEDIATELY what they want, the fact that he sat on her for years under the disguise of “friends” means he doesn't value her much either, and most likely only has renewed interest because she was far away/she was what he couldn't have (kinda like a phantom ex or something). But now that the distance has closed, don't be surprised if that relationship blows up real fast. Idealization from distance a key narc trait, consider yourself fortunate. These losers only want what isn't next to them, and the closer you are to them, it's like your value drops by association. Men like this will always need a minimum of two women to seesaw between that way a balance is always preserved and there's always a “backup” woman when the other one is too close. Ask me how I know lmao
Hey, at least it was only 4-5 dates. He showed his colours.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. He sucks