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Of course the lvm and that guy are bestfriends. Any how. My friend got very drunk the other night and let something happen that she typically never would. She hates hook ups. She had told the guy ahead of time she doesn't enjoy casual intercourse. Even when it feels good in the moment, it comes with emotional turmoil afterward. He seemed to understand that. But as she got more drunk, she said she began teasing him. She said "just the tip". But you know how that goes... he went all the way in and it just happened so fast.
She's blaming herself since once it started, she didn't stop him and said she just let it keep going on for a few mins since she figured he already went all the way in.... I don't think that experience was fully consensual though at all. They both drank, but she was more drunk. And even if she was teasing him sexually, he should have said no about the tip if he couldn't control himself from going all the way... right afterward, he began distancing himself from her. She was very hurt by the ordeal as like me, she's a former rape victim. So sex is a difficult thing for us and to have such a bad experience from someone who didn't really care about her again is devastating.
After she said he should have fucked off with any ideas of intimacy if he knew he wasn't ready, dude blocked her. He had told her he loved her as a person and a lot of bs about how he cared about her mental health before. She reached out to his friend who she thought was also her friend, only to be told women have all the power in sex... i understand the idea that "women are the gatekeepers of sex", but no way in Hell can I agree that women have all the power in sex.
Men love dominating and feeling powerful, that's why most rapists are men and most victims are female. Any how. I'm trying to tell my friend it isn't her fault... that guy knew she didn't want to sleep with someone who wasn't going to continue to pursue her. He then stated after sex that he's not emotionally ready for dating yet. Consent under false pretenses doesn't feel like actual consent. So screw that dude and his friend who defended him.
He blocked her after he said "woah, I think we should just let this go now." After he had told her he loved her, just because she called him out on his bs. So yeah, I don't think he ever truly gave a crap about my friend. Also disgusts me when men suddenly figure out not to chase women with a big age gap until after they've slept with them. Why are some women too young to date, yet not too young to take advantage of to these dudes?
She needs to stop seeking solice in shit men. Men will ALWAYS stand up for each other, even if they're wrong. She also needs to start putting herself first. It's hard having trauma, getting drunk and vulnerable in men's company leads to them treating you like this. Do not tell them you've been badly treated, they will assume it's your fault e.g. "women have all the power" ya'll be tripping out here 😂 I'm sick of shitty men getting free passes when there are women out there who all deserve slack but never get it. I intend to stand up for all women in future against men, even if they're wrong just because we deserve a damn break.
And that’s why you can’t just be friends with a man.
Also, the age difference (9yrs) is too much and I don’t know, as a rape victim I wouldn’t blurt out things like “just the tip”, even when drunk.
I think your friend needs to heal, get therapy and should stay away from men for a while, cause you can’t trust them.
I love how grown ass men don't see that a girl is in a different stage of life (aka, she's too young for them) when they want to fuck her but after she sleeps with them, they suddenly realize that a 21 year old and a dude in his 30 have nothing in common. They treat you like a kid in a very patronizing way when it's convenient for them but when sex is on the table, they don't see a problem with a 10 year gap. Clown shit🤡
"The woman has all the power in sex" yup dude needs his hard drive checked. If rape doesn't exist then no doubt he thinks children consent to it too. Fucking yikes. This always happens to me when i try to be friends with men. They demand way too much and more often than not they say completely out of touch rapist shit. And then they go all shocked pikachu face when I slow fade them.
Closure can be such a myth. You can't argue these types of men into submission.
I'm proud of this woman for being able to recognize the abusive patterns in these two shitty scrotes and proceeding to cut them off immediately. We need to start calling scrotes who deceive & lead women on for sex only to dump them after, for what they are..Rapists. These scrotes resort to lying & manipulating the woman's consent to get in her pants...the woman didn't have any informed consent because she simply didn't consent to sleep with the scrote knowing he will dump her after...and the lack of informed consent = coercive sex = rape.
I don’t buy it that the guy didn’t already know they were at very different life stages and weren’t compatible before he went ahead.
There are so many of these types of guy out there that if I was to date and get into a relationship ever again, I'd be doubting a guy all the time, coz these guys don't disappear, they get older and get worse, only get better at hiding their manipulation. Or hiding a body coz that's what I see all these guys who don't give basic respect to women: murderers. Women should be giving men zero, coz men give zero.
As a rape survivor, I wouldn't engage in any intimate talk with anyone out of fear of what it might result in. He is the one I blame though. He used coercion and emotional abuse. If I could change one thing before I die, it would be that courts globally recognised it and locked these types away for life.
She needs to get away from these scrotes. Ew. Hard pass. He/They are not her friend/s.
That WAS rape, 100%. She never agreed to full penetration nvm full on sex. Consent isn't merely absence of a "no" and men understand that perfectly well. He knows he raped her, and that's why both he and his buddy are tearing into your friend. They're building an alibi in a way, creating deniability. They're framing it as an unfortunate accident or misunderstanding when it was very clear for however long he/they were pretending to be friends with your friend.
Men are soo trashy, it's sickening. That guy future faked her, and fuckzoned her. He never wanted a meaningful relationship with her nor any kind of friendship. He wanted to fuck her and he didn't care if he had to lie, get her wasted, and literally rape her to do it.
On the plus side your friend does seem to be very good at enforcing boundaries when she's not drunk, and good on her for calling out bro's rape apologist mindset even if she is more agreeable than she needs to be.
You're absolutely right about men defending each other for no real reason except misogyny. Scrote #1 raped your friend to raise his status in his own circle (which was never going to include her) and now he's reaping the reward in the form of unearned support and protection from scrote #2.
"She's blaming herself since once it started, she didn't stop him and said she just let it keep going on for a few mins since she figured he already went all the way in...."
similar things have happenend to me more than once, but i wasn't drunk. it makes me soooooooo angry when people throw on our back all the responsibility of consent. i still ask myself "why the hell didn't i tell him to stop? it's easy. just say 'stop'. it's my fault because i can't communicate my boundries properly. it's my fault because i try to enjoy when i already know i won't be able to."
ahem: why the hell didn't those guys ever ever ever ASKED ME if i wanted sex in the first place? you don't shove a potato into someon'e face assuming they want to eat it, do you? you ask "hey, would you like some potato?" so why the FUCK don't people ask each other if they want to have sex? it's a mistery to me.
but i digress. i'm really sorry for your friend and i agree 100% it wasn't her fault. communicating our boundries to men is USELESS. they always find a way to ignore them in the first opportunity. and of cooooourse he bailed out saying 'oh we're in different stages in life blabla'.
i hope she recovers from this horrible experience. i wish i could help you help her. i wish i could punish the men who hurt her, and who hurt you. i'm so angry!
Wait. Why invite someone to penetrate you at all— “just the tip”—if you don’t want to have sex?
Depending on local laws, a person under the influence of mind altering drugs (including alcohol) cannot consent to sexual activities. Why not check your country's/state's laws and if it is is the case, send a screenshot of the law to either of these dipshits.
I agree, communicating boundaries to men is useless when they constantly use coercion and emotional abuse, and if that doesn't work to 'get' them sex, they will use physical force and win coz they're stronger than the women they've targeted. Sorry to hear you've had similar experiences. I don't think you're alone. Too many men coerce sex from women. I'm angry too. I'd say alot of women secretly are also, they're just too afraid to voice their opinions or boundaries. I agree, it should be easy for a man to have self control, he's not an animal and he should ASK if you want a potato or sex, doesn't matter, everything should be asked and communicated. But these men are animals, they don't ask, they selfishly take what they believe they are entitled to. That woman did already communicate her boundary that she didn't want hookups and he was an animal. She was an object. That has to change. These men should pay for lies manipulation coercion and abuse. How do women plan and prepare against sexual assault and rape?
So so much to unpack here. Your friend needs a hard dose of truth - they always know, seriously I interrogated a guy like that as a fact finding mission and they are very aware of the age gap, they like young women for looks but also for how naive they tend to be compared to older women who have been through it and know better. Those guys are not her friends, never were - she was amusing to them. Oh yeah drunk or not what happened was not consensual - that guy knew and didn't care because he wanted to get off.
Thought it was strange he pointed out his age.. Then I read there's a huge age keep and he's being that to belittle her. As though he's soooo busy as a 32 year old
This poor woman should NOT BE BLAMING HERSELF! She said JUST THE TIP. And he didn’t fucking LISTEN! That is RAPE. I don’t ducking care if she teased him, “led him on hur dur”, was drunk and spread eagled in front of him. She is a human who said only the tip. It is womans instinct to keep quiet when our boundaries have been blatantly violated like this because THIS PERSON HAS INDICATED TO US THEY ARE NOT SAFE TO EXPRESS BOUNDARIES TO. We shut up, shut down and try to get out of the situation with aa little violence as possible BECAUSE THESE MEN ESCALATE AND SHE COUKD HAVE LOST HER LIFE IF HE HAD TURNED.