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I was asked to join a rock band, with two male members, drummer (20) and guitarist/singer (40). I've been training for a few weeks now and everything went well. Except...
Those two were constantly fighting, talking behind each others back. We were meeting once a week in order to get to know each other better. Whenever one of them was missing, the other one talked shit about the other. Really nasty shit. Especially the older guitarist about the younger drummer.
Yesterday the same situation happened. Drummer wasn't there yet. It was getting really ugly and was going on for really long time, so I told the older guitarist to quit it and talk to the other guy directly. He said he will. Then the drummer arrived and the guitarist never said a word. Eventually, they started to fight, like usual. I was talking to someone else while they yelled at each other. Then I asked if they discussed the issue that guitarist wanted to talk about.
They looked at me like I was an alien. They asked what I mean, and that they don't have any issue with each other at all. I specifically asked the guitarist, that it's the thing we talked about before the drummer arrived. Then he openly lied that he doesn't know about anything. They both tried to gaslight me, riddiculed me for being "feminist" who always stir up conflicts. They started to laugh like I was the silly cute confused fEmALe, who doesn't understand how boys talk. I blocked and deleted both of them right away and left.
I'm so glad that I did it early. Old me would wait for a little longer, because I really wanted to play.
And yet if a woman acted exactly as these men do, these same men would say all women were "gossips" who got into "cat fights", how women just don't know how to communicate without being two-faced, and this was proof secretly all women hate each other and can't get along with each other and that's why men need to be in charge. The double-standards.
I'm really sorry this happened to you but proud of you for owning your worth!
Yes, they do this. Also, if they gossip to you, they're gossiping about you.
Yet another example how men use women for emotional dumping, but retreat into the cowards they truly are when confronted by another man. They only have each other's backs when it's a useful cop-out or to punch down on women.
Make a girl group.
It's their loss. They lost a great musician.
It cracks me up how men say girls will be nice and supportive to each other's faces and secretly hate each other when in reality that's complete male behavior, and all women do is put aside our personal feelings about a woman we don't like to get the job done if we can.
I was shocked in my early 30s to realize that men are bigger gossips than they accuse women of being. I became a local reporter and interviewed many prominent community people and it was the younger men who had no compunction about sharing dirt on their "buddies." It was eye-opening.
The whole accusation is a lot of projection.
Thank you for sharing. I used to be friends with a lot of men when I was a cool girl type. I actually learned a lot from it, and they actually all would say "bros before h0es". The bro code wasn't just a joke, men really do stick together - always.
Men like the ones from your story do this thing where they see women as beneath them - like you're a pretty face to be shown off with them. They act like that when you show them you're actually a person with a brain and God forbid- standards! They are like the shocked pickachu meme. You did the right thing to walk away and block. You're not their pretty face to show off. Not fair they can be dramatic and full band members but can't give you respect.
Two of my old male friends did exactly this. I was so tired of them. At least, in their case, they eventually stopped talking each other...
I'm so impressed you walked away 👏 Bad B* Energy 👑
argh. If we stayed near each other (i’m sure we don’t), we could jam together. I play the drums. It’s tough having female friends who would want to jam together
If men stick together, maybe women should stand by other women more too.