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Hello everyone,
after another instance this weekend, I’d just like to remind everyone that discourteous or greedy behavior at potluck-like (“everyone brings something and shares”) events is a glaring red flag.
Who doesn’t know THAT guy? The one who shows up to a potluck either completely empty handed or with something ridiculous like a tiny bag of the cheapest gas station chips he already opened in the car and then proceeds to eat and drink for five people and gobble up all the salmon before anyone else has had any? Pretty much every workplace, family, friend circle, class or group has one. In my experience, it’s always a man. I’ve literally never seen a woman do this. Often, it’s a married man who has the audacity to blame his empty hands on his wife who didn’t have time to prepare something like he’s a kid who shows up to preschool without packed lunch. Other times, it’s a single man who “doesn’t cook”, “didn’t have time” or “forgot” which is met with a lot of understanding by the other guys who would of course never extend the same to a single woman who shows up empty handed. And obviously, women are expected to invest time and effort to bring something awesome homemade while men get praised for their generosity if they pick up a premade cake at the grocery store nearby. Who hasn’t had a boyfriend, male roommate or male relative who asked them to cook or buy something to bring to an event they need to go to but you are not even invited to?
Honestly, ladies, if you want to know a man’s character, watch him at potluck.
Rant over.
Greetings from erythrura, whose male boss showed up completely empty handed but very hungry and thirsty to a work event HE proposed to do as a potluck to cut costs because of the inflation.
This is what many people in NYC do when invited to a potluck. It's huge pet peeve of mine. My ex best girl friend, a girl from Russia, would go to our singing teacher's yearly Christmas party bringing her mother and African scam artist boyfriend and would bring only 1 bottle of wine. They'd eat and drink what our teacher and folks like me who actually make and bring real food to the party would provide. I made a huge bowl of salat olivier which was demolished in less than 5 minutes by people like her who brought nearly zilch. I had to eat when I got home because of people like this, and unfortunately from what I've seen, it's both genders who are being cheap moochers.
I was this person once (I was mortified btw). Nobody told me I was supposed to bring anything! When we did this at home everyone was assigned something to bring and told how many servings they were supposed to have too. But at the potluck where I showed up empty handed, at least two other people- both male - also showed up without food, but of course I was the only one getting dirty comments about it. 🧐
I was invited to a BBQ by a LVM and everyone is expected to bring their own food for the grill and ice Jug with drinks no dude, you do that crap with your colleagues.
I love my family potlucks cuz we can all cook and we end up with more food than we can handle. At school we’d have a spread sheet and ppl would have to write what they were bringing. If ppl didn’t want to cook for a party then we’d collect money to get it catered. As for personal bbqs usually the host buys the food and you byob. But food wise the host would pay and then you alternate hosts. I don’t really pay when I go out bc usually my orbiters pick up the tabs for me and when I’m invited somewhere I’m told not to being anything cuz they’ll take care of it. So. Yeah. There’s no reason ppl should be showing up empty handed unless they’re told to.
Therefore, potlucks are a stupid thing in general. You can't eat as much as you would normally ordering from a restaurant with friends (you don’t even get to choose really), then you have the smartasses who think they can pull stuff like this. Is it for the sense of community/memories?? Pass. I know it will be a bitter memory if I show up for one of these.
Eff potlucks. I once worked for a male dentist, and all the rest of his staff were females. He'd have us throw potlucks every time it was someone's birthday, or some other occasion. He would NEVER contribute. It really irked me that I was just barely scraping by trying to feed myself and my two boys- yet I was expected to prepare a special dish for the entire office. Then we'd be shamed if we wanted to take our lunch break ("Don't you want to join us for this special POTLUCK?) NO.
It’s been hit or miss for me with potlucks. However, while I know some good guys that do make the effort with potlucks, it is always men that show up with nothing or something from the gas station. I will say that one time at a potluck, one of my friend’s husbands made the nicest slow roasted lamb, but he is definitely a high value guy from what I know of him.
Once a week at work two people in the office are responsible for bringing in food for morning break. A lot of people make stuff from scratch (women and the hvm), but it is always the scrotes that will bring in crap. One week we had a woman who made these gorgeous pastries from scratch and the she was paired up with a scrote that bought in a bag of cheetos. What made me mad was that people actually found his lack of effort endearing. Why does society think this is okay? Women are always held to higher standard.
My male friends love cooking. They prepare full meals like leg of lamb, shoulder of lamb, rice and everything else. If there is something they don’t know how to do, they look at the recepie and test it out. One of my friends knows both my son and I can’t have dairy and he was making dessert and bringing it over one day as I invited him to spend time with my family since his wife and kids were away on vacation and we were doing a culture celebration. He actually looked up a recipe online and made a dairy free option from the dessert he brought for everyone else so both my son and I can eat it and it was delicious.
What’s with USians and with guests having to BRING FOOD?! That’s madness!!!!