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This post was inspired by overhearing a woman I work with saying her husband had never formally proposed to her....they've been married for about five years, I think, approximately in their late 20s. She kind of laughed it off in the context of the convo (won't post details since I think it would be too specific), but like damn....that has to bother her. It bothers me! And I hardly know her.
I really don't know what else to say--how many other marriages, especially among Millennials and younger Gen Xers, have essentially been a woman dragging a man by his ears to the altar or some LVM making some half-hearted ask with a Walmart Ring Pop because he's pretty sure he can't get any better/just wants tax benefits/doesn't want her to leave/wants her income/etc. AND WOMEN AGREE TO IT!
Male-female courtship is truly in the depths of Hades.
Edit: grammar.
Next time, ask her "doesn't that bother you?"
She will try to deny and make excuses, but it'll plant the seed in her mind that this behavior isn't acceptable.
Oh my god, I know SO many women who are like this. They have to cry & beg & cOmMuNiCaTe to get their man to propose. And when he does, it’s a half hearted, low effort proposal that they pretend is “sweet”. The man has no idea what his girlfriend wants for a ring so she picks it out herself. And of course, it has to be cheap.
The whole cake topper theme of “woman dragging man to altar” makes me gag. Its such propaganda and grooming, for lack of better words. It’s a straight up lie, to put it better. It’s lying to women and young girls that they’re a burden, they need to literally force someone to marry them, men are happier without them, a man’s life ends when he gets married, blah blah blah. It‘s reinforcing the archaic idea that any marriage only benefits women and that we NEED it for our life to be complete. Nah, you can miss me with that shit.
Yes. Well the good news is that, "not all marriages" but the growth in the numbers of such martryhood is worrisome.
I can't believe that back in the days, the woman who was envied by all due to the best career, looks and husband had actually proposed to him all 3 times for dating, engaging and wedding. And, apparently this was the best situation so much so that she said I am below her in social standing because I was dating and vetting heavily only. Not married by a certain age.
So much for sounding extreme but until we roll over en masse into an alternate universe where people with wombs is a reality, I'd say I am happy I skipped this handmaiden's tale. And, found FDS at the right time. Chef's kiss, this community.
"So many women have been lost to marriages."
It’s honestly so sad. I knew a woman who had to drag her man to the altar—I got all the inside details from her mother-in-law, who basically said that he didn’t want to get married and the mother-in-law literally had to plan the proposal for him.
They weren’t married two years before he tried to cheat on her. He would get drunk and say terrible things about her. I thought for sure the marriage couldn’t last.
They’ve been married now for over ten years. He has never acted like the man she keeps wanting him to be. She’s been begging him for a decade to take her to Jamaica but he always takes her to the same old beaches for their yearly vacation. He used to drink in secret but now he’s at the point where he doesn’t even try to hide it from her anymore. She tells herself lies like, “well he left the empty whiskey bottle somewhere I could find it [in the back of his office closet, back of his desk drawer, etc], it must mean he wants me to find it, it’s a cry for help!” Girl, he told you what he wants—a divorce. They were almost a Pandemic Divorce but then the guy got “reverse cold feet” and stayed in the marriage. He told his mother he’s afraid he can’t do any better—he’s settling.
Also, the wife still doesn’t even know the mother-in-law planned the proposal…
They have both been visibly miserable the entire relationship. Basically everyone thought they were always on the cusp of divorce. But at this point after being confused about their marriage for over a decade now, I’m pretty sure they’ve just fully committed to their misery. They’re lifers…
A sad lesson in why you should never drag a man to the altar. You’ll never get that relief you think is gonna come with finally getting married. If it feels shitty before the marriage it’ll feel shitty during. Accepting that you‘re not someone’s “Dream girl“ will lead to so much more happiness than forcing a guy to act like you are.
edit: on second thought I don’t think they’re lifers. I think dude is finally gonna meet “Dream girl” and only then muster up the courage to leave.
It's exacerbated by cool girls and pickmes who want what men want. Make excuses for why a man doesn't have to propose or why they don't need it. We can have it all if we do it all; those women think, and a man just has to exist.