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Over a decade ago when I was at the mercy of the patriachy, misogynistic men working in a traditional profession and being pickme i was lost.
I have an observation I would like validated since my time of levelling up which I would like to share.
I used to date awful men, but I was obviously not as pickme as i thought - i never used to sleep with them and always had a few guys on the go. I was dumped dramatically by one guy who I was limericing over badly when I was 24 and I now know with reflection and maturity he dumped me as I did not invite him into my flat for the sex he thought he was entitled to after a six or seventh date.
Anyway roll on over 15 years later. He married a definately pickme girl after dating her for a year or so when he was 25, got her pregnant four times i think, he has still not qualified in his chosen career field, his poor wife has had significant mental health issues. Whereas i am dating a hvm now (100000 times more sucessful than him). Anyway i seen him on the street about a year ago and if looks could have killed i would have been dead!!!! I mean seriously. I should have been the one giving him daggers!! My friend recons he has heard how successful I have been in work etc as we are all in the same field.
I dread to think what my life would have been like if i had been picked by some of these guys - i obviously had something about me (i am not sure what) which ultimately protected me from being involved with these guys too long, i was like a nasty low value man repellant I just did not realise it was a blessing at the time as society had taught me it was a curse. What makes the lvm settle for the pickme? And how can i if i have a daughter ensure she has those traits??
I've always been a romantic. I've always needed to feel a connection with someone before I'll even consider having sex with them. I'm convinced that this has actually saved me from a whole bunch of LVM. I remember one guy I'd been on maybe 3 dates with, who phoned me up on one Thursday to ask me to go on a weekend away with him the next day. I'm not a fool. I know that a weekend away = sex so I declined. (There were also the safety aspects of going away with a man I barely knew plus only giving someone one days notice for a weekend away is just rude). He dumped me the next week because apparently I was "too conservative" for him. A few months later, I heard from mutual friends that he'd gone back to his home country to live. In other words, he was never looking for anything serious with me. He was just looking for a fling before he went back to his home country. I'm really glad I never went on that weekend away because if I had and if I'd slept with him, I'd only have gotten my heart broken.
Thank you. I needed this today ❤️ I’ve been thinking about the LVMs of the past and I was like, “it doesn’t make sense - my exes never seemed invested in me, and they pick the first girl willing to sleep with them without any effort on their part” and then you wonder if you’re “dating wrong”. There’s no one atm and if I could just know that there’s a great guy for me and I won’t be alone, it would help so much.
I hear this, Queen! I fell in love for the first time when I was 16, in 1993. He was gorgeous, well built, golden blonde curly hair, adorable face and smile. Lots of charisma and crystal blue eyes. He was also a literal genius, is he had been programming since 6th grade, and was extremely advanced in computer science.
We messed around a little but I was a virgin at the time so it didn't get to the point of inter*course.
He dumped me, and for the next eight years, we dated on and off, and wound up sleeping together when we were 24.
I was so blinded by love, and, let's be honest, lust, that I let a lot of s*it slide.
Last year, I found out he was getting divorced. I remembered how I cried when we were 29, and he got married. I had also proposed to him, ring and all, when we were 25.
But now he's divorced, and it turns out that he went to jail for strangling his now ex wife. He only got 20 days. It should have been at least a year, imo.
I know I dodged a huuuge bullet!
I have a partner who, while neither of us are perfect, we're a good fit for each other. Both of us have leveled up in our lives and things are amazing.
I am so glad I didn't end up marrying my First Love!
💖🙂💯💯
It's okay for both genders to not be picked. But men do benefit more from marriage, so not being picked can actually mean he's not able to bully you.
I've been having very similar reflections, so know that you are not alone. Wild to think in my Pickme days, relationships with men ending was considered a bad thing.
Now I realize it was a huge compliment; I had too much self-worth and self-value to not act in ways that allowed me to be manipulated into doormat/bangmaid material they sought to take advantage of long-term.
Queens, we were Pickmes but apparently still had some measure of self-worth that protected us from being involved with these lvm. Great job.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻