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I have a nice male colleague who joined my team three weeks ago and is new to the area. I'm technically his senior but I don't directly manage him. FWIW he's a couple of years older than me, is polite, does a good job and seems very emotionally intelligent based on lunchtime chats we've had. I also know he's had a really rough break up prior to joining the team and is, perhaps, a bit vulnerable. Unfortunately he also has a *terrible* habit of oneupmanship.
Running is my thing and I'm keen on exercise in general. Anyone who loves fitness as much as I do knows how easy it is to be evangelical about it (plus have you tried running and worrying about a LVM? Impossible 😛). Running has been my salvation from a very sad break up and stress in my life - especially this last 6 months.
I currently run five times a week ans follow a set plan. On the week he joined my company, a colleague and I were doing a half marathon. The first 'tell' was that the new boy interjected our conversation to tell us how quickly he can run a 5k and how he thinks he'd be able to get a really fast time if he did the same distance/how he's run 13 miles before and how fast he was back then. My colleague and i were a bit bemused but I largely put this bragging down to him being a nervous/eager to impress.
Since then, it feels as though nearly each lunchtime he feels the need to tell me/whoever is in earshot the time in which he's done his latest run. 🤨 He's made it his thing to do a 5k every day. This is despite him mentioning his (obvious) overtraining injuries.
If I happen to run on my lunchbreak he takes that as his cue to go later!
I'm following a training plan that means touch wood I don't tend to get aches and pains. But to hear a bloke constantly inform me that he has run faster than me in my favourite sport (one that I am at huge pains not to show off about) is getting on my last nerve and I'm conscious I want to remain professional around him!
This particular topic gets my back up as I know how personal exercise can be for people. New boy also likes to tell us how much work he is getting through and how efficient he's being. The kind part of me knows it's insecurity/attention seeking.
Again, for those of us working on more strategic projects it's a little grating but it's the running stuff that is driving me cray cray. I've been asking myself whether it would be more or less annoying coming from a female colleague. He might fancy me I guess.
To reiterate he seems great in many other respects so I do want to tread carefully. Queens, How do I handle this situation knowing that block and delete isn't an option in these circumstances and I have to see mr braggy at work each day?! Help me not blow my top or throw a running shoe at him 😆
I do what’s called polite blanking. There’s a bit of a mental load at first -- you're judging everything he says -- but basically you respond normally (ie positively) to all positive or neutral comments. Anything you deem negative like one-upping, you just don’t respond to. Quite often in the moment I’d blink, maybe just say “oh” and then turn around and do something else. It’s not aggressive and we do it all the time anyway when someone makes a cringey comment, but it’s so subtle most people don’t realize they’re doing it. It’s basically training someone not to say what’s annoying. Takes a while but he'll learn and then you'll only need intermittent reinforcement after a couple of weeks.
I'd be tempted to mess with him. Meaning, just make shit up and watch him desperately try to copy or one-up you. It'll be funny and he'll likely injure himself which would solve your issue
Okok, maybe i'm toxic and passive aggressive but I'd 100% just say, "that sounds like a plan for burnout" to him 😅 like, I'm not gonna be impressed by that. And if I felt like trolling I might go "oooo wow, have you seen Elon Musk's work ethic? He better watch out, you're coming for him". BUT I prefer when my male coworkers don't get too chummy too fast- takes me months before I care about their hobbies. Lol, I hate that you're right about running but it's TRUE that it's impossible to ruminate on a LV man when you can blast Taylor Swift and gooooooo. I'm having to ease back into running (once a week right now in addition to yoga and weights) bc my knee has been tweaking. Not tweaking while running, but on the stairs after (or a few days after).
It's possible he has a little crush on you but is going at this like an immature child. You know how it is... they think being a braggart will turn a woman on and find him impressive. 🙄
Are you engaging with him in these conversations? If not, who cares what he says? It's just noise and boring noise at that. Also don't share your personal life with coworkers unless they are close friends. This guy should not know your running schedule or what you're training for! I'm also a runner and have worked with guys who tried to make it competitive. If they asked me how far I ran, I'd tell them the length in time and if they pressed, say I don't know and shrug. If they asked me for run stats, I'd tell them how many cats I saw or blackberries I picked along my run. When they asked me what I was training for, I'd tell them some ridiculous ultra-marathon or a women's only event or something made up (changed every week). If they saw me in running clothes and asked if I was going on a run, I'd say I just enjoy spandex. If they asked how my run was, I'd comment on the lovely weather (even if raining). If they made it masculine and hard, I'd make it girly and silly. If they tried to get detailed information, I'd be irreverent and absurd. Always with a casual smile and a quick exit.
Lil update for you all. It’s icy and snowy round these parts. I overheard him talking to a colleague about how he’s glad he overtook another guy going slowly on his lunchtime run today. I’m so over his bragging. It’s sooo obnoxious!
I love you girls, as someone unemployed I need more office banter to read on!