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Hey everyone! This is my first post here.
I met a guy on an online dating app. I am 32 and he is 40. We went on one date that went well. He paid and he dropped me off home (took transportation back to where I live and then he took an uber). Keep in mind that he does not drive or own a car and does not plan to do either. We live in a large city but he does not live near me. I would say commute wise, one hour To where he lives.
Before I discuss the second date, we are both childfree, we are both Democrats and we are both atheist so I‘m like great! Perfect. We also get along really well and we talk everyday, sometimes even for hours on the phone.
Prior to the second date, we agreed on going dutch but keep in mind, this was something he brought up and I was like well ‘what am I going to tell him? Tell him to pay?!’ So I agreed but I kinda felt manipulated to agreeing To that.
Anyways, we are at dinner and things so far are going well and the bill comes and something he said IRKED me. He said because he paid for the uber (from the park to the restaurant, which was $20 something), then we should go 50/50 Meaning to split the check literally down the middle instead of me paying for my share. He got more things than me and he’s the only who offered to pay the uber like wtf? I didn‘t want to argue so I paid whatever it was. But I was not happy about it.
Then I told him the comment bothered me and he apologized and gave me $20 back. I was then asking him if he can afford to date because dating costs money? backstory: my ex bf paid for everything and drove me everywhere but his conservatism and anger issues made us break up. So I kinda got used to a man paying for everything and driving me everywhere but this man cannot.
He also wasnt able to take me home. I ended up paying $50 something uber from the city to my house because I didnt wanna take the subway at 11pm.
Am I asking for too much? Is this man a LVM? He said he can’t afford to pay for things and he won’t drive either.
Please let me know if I should give him another chance.
Thanks ladies!
Permanently block. No woman should date him.
- fights with you over going half, then wants more than half, he's testing how easy a person is to control manipulate and abuse later
- deliberately takes an Uber on first date to know where you live, way too early in dating
- then second date leaves you at 11pm to get home safe on your own, ploy to learn where you live to tell his mates, sorry but he doesn't care about your safety at all, leaving you to get murdered at 11 pm on way home after second date
- has no plan to get driving, does he have any LIFE plans at all...
- he's a 40 who can't hold a steady relationship and is still child free, questions need to asked early in dating
- he's 40 going on 41 predator, dating young inexperienced women that he can manipulate
I understand not wanting or feeling like you need your license or car in a big city. It’s a huge costly pain. BUT! he needs his license for emergencies. At 40, he should know this already. Regardless, he didn’t support getting you home safely, so LVM…no need to dig for more red flags.
Biggest red flag in all of this is that he didn't make sure you got home. Never travel that far to a man unless your return ride is clearly covered in advance.
He’s 40 and can’t afford to pay for a date? What was his response to you asking if he can afford to date? You’re giving him too many chances.
Yes, pass on him
He should have offered to pay for you uber/taxi, but as a woman you shouldn't get in cars with men. So it is good he didn't drive you home. Why would you risk your life or let him know where you live.
He offered to pay for the Uber and then turned it back on you later when he asked you to split the bill. It's not the most egregious example of doing someone a favour and then throwing it in their face, but it falls into that category of behaviour and you want to avoid people who do that. A gift is a gift, a favour is a favour, they shouldn't be given with the intention of getting even. And this happened after you felt manipulated into agreeing to split it in the first place, I can see a bit of a pattern here.
He also shouldn't have left you to go home by yourself at 11pm, the bare minimum to do in that situation would be to let you know in advance that he couldn't drop you off so you could have planned ahead and maybe left earlier. That was just rude.
I wouldn't see him again if I were you, he doesn't meet your standards and he's not going to. This is his default behaviour and it won't get better, if anything it's already better than usual because you're only two dates in.
Yes he is low value. He's cheap. He's tacky (telling someone that she's paying half for a date he's inviting her on and then trying to be even cheaper adding is the cost of the taxi after ordering more food). He's way too old for you and should be dating someone his own age. And finally the part where you had to go home by yourself at 11:00 p.m. in an Uber that cost $50. Your date shouldn't be abandoning you to the subway at 11:00 p.m.! Future tip, after only one or two dates you absolutely should not be speaking on the phone for hours. You are an in-demand woman who is busy and has her own life. Your time is valuable. So he only gets 20 minutes here and there for phone calls.