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My parents met in the late 80's and then dated in the mid 90's.
And when I heard about their so called dates I felt all kinds of alarm bells going off. Mother said that their dates were having a walk in a park or at a beach most of the time, having car dates and I asked why she agreed with such a low value man. Her excuse was that he didn't have much money.
Fair enough but she should have remained friends, I told her low value dates shows that the man doesn't value you. He does have money but he pretends that he doesn't because he rather be burried with it than spend a penny on his loved ones.
As long as I can remember she always complains about him often, about what kind of trash he is. He's stingy, he's a narc. He ruined his previous marriage and now he ruined the relationship because of his wandering eye.
and I flat out told her that it's her fault, she chose to have him. And thanks to her I have a scrote father that I don't even want in my life . She said she could have married a high value man in her younger years and he would have put her in his will and give her half of his money because he was so in love with her that he wants her to be taken care of no matter what. She of course declined and her excuse was that she was young and dumb. So she let a man go that could have paid for her education and a good life and all she had to do is be his wife that takes care of the house while she manages all the money he earns. she could even start her own company funded by him if being a home maker isn't her dream and I could have had a better stable childhood and maybe marry a high value man myself.
Because she chose a scrote she had to work 2 jobs while he stays in bed almost the whole afternoon and only climbs out of bed to tell me to lower the value of the tv. I was left behind by scrote family members so that she can also have an education and those family members weren't nice, they were mentally abusing and dismissive they came from broken homes and divorced from scrote husbands and seem to envy my lack of desire of ending up like them because even at an early age I rather have a career than a man.
All of this happened because he refuses to be a provider.
I had to pay for my own education, and pay back my debts. did side hustles like busking on the streets, save up for the things I want because he's not going to contribute to that.
After I found about this story I lost a chunk of respect for my mother, not because she made an error in choosing a used up washed up man but she allowed me to go through the aftermath of her decisions. I had to endure hardships, mean family members and I had to make my way to the top alone.
I'm working as a dental assistant and my employer is even willing to pay for any education I want because I'm doing good work. I said thanks, I'm over the moon but during break I started to tear up. This is something my father should have done instead of an employer.
Choosing scrotes ruins not only your life but also the life of your daughter, and your sons might end up like him since the apple never falls far from the tree.
Do not give LVM a chance, stay away from the 50/50 manlets If you do make a mistake then make your mistake undone asap because that's same as playing stupid games.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
My mom also made similar mistakes and married my father in the late 80's. He ended up not really stepping up to the role. However, women during that time were pressured by society to make certain decisions, and society was NOT kind at all about women going their own way. I think it's a mistake to keep blaming her. She probably feels enough guilt as it is. All we can do now is try to level up in any way we can.
This is exactly why FDS is important. If you pick an LV partner, you won't impact just yourself. You will impact any children you may choose to have as well as other people in your sphere of association.
I consider a woman who chooses to stay with an LVM just as LV as the man she is with, even if she was HV before the relationship.
I can relate. My mother turned down a HVM who went on to become quite famous and very wealthy, and instead married my father, who ended up going bankrupt and taking us all with him. Their marriage was also not a happy one. I don't hate either of them, but I look at my cousins' lives (much more financially secure) and yes, there's a tiny bit of resentment. (My parents are maybe a generation older than yours.)
I do, however, think you're being hard on your mother. There's been huge progress for women since the 1980s and 1990s - perhaps thinking about the cultural context that your mum grew up in would make things easier to come to terms with. For example, I don't know what country you're in, but marital rape wasn't decriminalised until the 1970s or 1980s in many so-called progressive countries; workplace sexual harassment didn't even exist as a concept until the 1980s; domestic violence and stalking were seen as private matters, not for legal intervention. The list goes on. Women were legally and culturally perceived as absolutely inferior to men, and open to all kinds of harassment and abuse until very recently (still are, but in different, and less obvious ways), and a lot of women probably internalised this and had very little respect for themselves. Your mother is a victim of the times, and of her husband.
LMAO at all the women acting as if a grown women enabling abuse and neglect is her being a victim. If anything its hilariously sexist-seeing women as non threatening and completely infantilizing them.
Came from the same boat- both parents are trash, and my mother enabled his neglect. I don't care about how she was pressured-we all make choices. Imagine having a shitty home life because the two who decided to fuck were absolute trash and all you have to look up to are Febreezed garbage.
It's very weird how when we talk about how child abuse-it's not your fault that it happened but your mental health IS your responsibility-how she was affected is her responsibility and as a mother, you are only supposed to take care of your young. Meanwhile, she looked away at your shitty childhood and didn't feel responsible when she in fact was. Yet, for some reason people look away at personal responsibility when it is societal abuse. I'm guessing it's because there are more people to blame.
Don't listen to the women here who tell you to forgive one of the facilitators of your childhood trauma. I hope you heal well.
I think you’re being a little harsh on your mom , like others have said. Things were different back then, as women now we have much more freedom than women in the 80s/90s.
How old was she when she married and had kids? Because I think we’ve all made pick me mistakes when we were younger. I did, but I was lucky to not get pregnant or marry a lvm.
I can relate to having a zvm father. He left us and would come around when he wanted. We lived in poverty because my mom got pregnant with me and thought marrying him would be the best choice. She was 19. If she made better decisions at 19, I might have had a better life. But I don’t blame her. I blame my dad for making my childhood sad and nonexistent.
I think it’s interesting that you put so much blame on your mom and barely any on your dad. Moms always get the blame when it comes to anything. Why? because society hates women and mothers. How do you know that man she turned down was hv? We always say money doesn’t make a man hv. I’d guess in a parallel universe where your mom married this hvm and you face hardship who would you blame? Your mom still? She did choose that man after all.
About paying for education, no one paid for mine. I did it myself. i think it’s great when parents can pay for their kids education but it’s not reality for lots of people. Im just trying to pull myself out of generational poverty now. I can’t blame my parents forever, at some point I just had to make my own life.
Your mother is also a victim of his abuse. Perhaps you can help her level up up and away from his shitty behaviour.
All the comments saying to forgive your mom are bullshit. You have every right to be angry. She had one responsibility: to protect you, and she failed deliberately, because getting attention from the scrote was more important to her. No.
I relate to this so much. Hugs, sister 🫂
I'm another who thinks you are being unnecessarily harsh on your mother. She is likely well aware she should have made different decisions, but she was doing the best she could with the information she had at the time.
I'm a generation older than you but I'm somewhat baffled by your expectation that your father should have paid for your education and things you wanted. Perhaps this is dependent on what country you are from, but my parents didn't give me a penny after high school and I was expected to pay for post high school education and anything I wanted.
This is common across my generation. While I sometimes resent that my parents could have easily provided financial support and chose not to, I am grateful they have a self-funded retirement and I don't have to worry they will ever ask me for money.
Same. Listening to the "meet cute" story my mom told me about meeting my dad would not pass the FDS bar. Had a gf told me the same story today, I would tell her to run. Such a shame
my mother went to a physically abusive ex husband to my emotionally abusive father who passed down pibolar to me and my nephew.