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The date never even happened. He ghosted me for two days and then finally texted me to cancel. He said he's not over his ex and he wants to go try and pursue a situationship with her (I mean he didn't SAY that, but that was the message).
After all the chatting we did and all the great things we had in common. And he was seemingly attractive and fit. His drinks date should have been an instant block. And I know better.
Sigh. This is what happens when you go against your best interests and lower your standards — even ONE standard.
I knew I was disappointed at the offer of a drink date, but I accepted anyway. And the reason he offered a bare-minimum drink date is because he was still toying with his ex.
🚩 Drinks, coffee, or god forbid WALKS means a man is NOT interested in you and is wasting your time 🚩
✅️ A man who is available and serious will always seek to impress with a REAL, impressive, fun date, on his dime ✅️
We all slip up sometimes, so learn from my fail!
I’ve found that the coffee/drink daters are the ones who are the most likely to flake out and unmatch you the day of the date. I stopped accepting them once I noticed the pattern that the men who asked me for coffee/drinks and did show up just clearly weren’t very intersted from the moment we met. And the men who asked me to dinner clearly WERE really pleased when they met me and always wanted a second date, so it’s not an issue of me not looking like my photos or just being weird in person. Coffee date invitation = “You’re not what I’m looking for, but I don’t have any other options right now so you’ll have to do cuz I need validation that I’m desirable enough to get a date.”
I’m also so sick of seeing the comments on Reddit, YouTube, Twitter, anywhere but here that day “BuT i MeT mY hUsBaNd On A cOfFeE dAtE!”
1.) Are you even a woman? Tons of accounts online are men pretending to be women in order to give their statements more credibility.
2.) Was it really a “date” or were you just college friends who would just go grab coffee at a place on campus between classes?
3.) What is your husband like? Has he put more effort into your relationship since then?
Yes! I love that you said that this is what happens when you lower even one standard.
I had a relationship and I lowered one standard because everything else was great, and…. One standard lowered turned into lowering more of my standards for this guy.
It’s a slippery slope if we are still struggling with being a Pickme.
I gotta get to the point where even just One standard lowered means bye bye.
What a lucky girl. /s
It's rare you get such confirmation that LVM are a plague to any woman who has to deal with them. This guy is no prize and doesn't respect his ex either. So gross.
"This is what happens when you go against your best interests and lower your standards — even ONE standard."
This is SO relatable!! Please don't beat yourself up. We/you are only human. Just remember this as a learning experience not to do it again in the future. I learned to channel the anger/annoyance/frustration I felt in those moments as a detterent in the future. And always remember: High standards protect you from low quality experiences. Best of luck sis! <3
Did you meet the guy on OLD? If a guy on OLD offers to take me to an expensive restaurant, I am scared he will dine and dash though. I just saw someone posting here about a guy on OLD pretending to be a doctor and then dining and dashing after going to expensive restaurants with women he met online. At least for drink dates, the amount I end up losing is lower if the guy turns out to be a scammer.
Given how if a guy on OLD taking you on a drink date means he is frugal and a guy taking you to an expensive restaurant has the risk of him dining and dashing, should we just avoid OLD altogether? Both types of dates suck in their own way.
SHOCKING DISCOVERY: ONLINE DATING IS REALLY BAD. TONIGHT AT 9.
It’s okay. We’ve all been there…
For me, I accepted a drink date out of desperation and loneliness. Honestly, it sucked lol. I just sat there bored out of mind. At the beginning, I tried to be engaging and I was staring at him, but then I veered off into space holding my drink as he talked about himself while I occasionally nodded and agreed with him. It was a waste of time and I just wanted to go home.
This other time, I foolishly went to get dinner with a guy after work, when I should have just went home. He picked a burrito place that I couldn’t eat and I basically didn’t order anything, because it would hurt my stomach. Not only did I ruin dinner, I got a stomachache from the crap he ate. I learnt that if a guy doesn’t put my needs first, then he’s no good. Also, always go on proper dates with a guy you’re seeing. Do not hangout, or grab a quick bite to eat after work.
Coffee, ice cream are dates that’s only acceptable when you’re in highschool and broke af. These guys have no excuse if they’re working good jobs.
I accepted a drink date with a scrote who decided he didn’t like me and abruptly ended it after a drink: he had TOLD me it was going to be games ( since it was at an entertainment place) but when I was on my way, he messaged with “ I’m sitting at the bar…”