"He resented that I was a stay at home mom, and that he had to provide. He resented that he had a kid and had that responsibility."

Question

Saw this on reddit. I've talked about this a little bit here in that you have to choose a fully developed, fully mature HVM who understands thoroughly what his role and responsibilities are as the head of the family -- otherwise please stay single.

This is the reason why.

Courting a woman is a heavy responsibility. Marriage is a heavy responsibility. Being a husband is a heavy responsibility. Having kids is a heavy responsibility. Protecting and providing for his family unit is a heavy responsibility. Becoming the head of his lineage is a heavy responsibility. Becoming the pillar of support for his nurturer that he choose is a heavy responsibility.

It is no longer about bedroom activities. This is serious, we are not playing house.

And no, having a career of your own and doing 50/50 is not going to solve the problem -- you will have easier time finding a partner sure, but the root of the problem still remains.

MAJORITY OF MEN ARE NOT READY TO SHOULDER ALL THOSE HEAVY RESPONSIBILITIES. They are underdeveloped and still stuck in that fratboy/momma's boy phase. They expect everything to stay easy and comfortable. They don't want to shoulder any hardship. They throw tantrums when they have to endure hardships. They rage and blame everyone and everything -- including those kids he fathered for making his life "miserable". He is jealous of the kids (and you) because they all "have it easy" while he has to work and provide for the family. They start looking elsewhere for new, exciting "love" and want to kick this family he created to the curb.

Even if you do 50/50 (or more accurately, you will be the breadwinner eventually because he starts throwing tantrums about paying half, and "mysteriously" lose his job) -- you ain't gonna change these men. They are underdeveloped, stunted, didn't go through all the necessary trials and tribulations to grow into a proper man, stuck in their la la land of everything being easy day in day out (and think everything will be nice and easy too after marriage and kids), and get the shock of their life when reality punches them in the face hard.

Funnily enough, they still want the respect and adoration as the head of the family. Without working for it -- they just want the cake and eat it too. Ladies, you can play pretend with these men for a year or two but your heart can't lie -- you can't respect a man who demands respect but doesn't do anything to earn it. You simply can't respect a man you have to paid for or doing 50/50 with -- because they aren't a man. They are a kid with an adult's body. His every actions scream "a selfish bratty kid". Even a high-paying job and expensive clothing can't hide that.

Why do you think he minimizes your every pain and get jealous when you get more attention (and he got pushed to the background) during your pregnancy?

That cute manchild boyfriend of yours ain't gonna be so cute anymore when he is forced to start shouldering actual adult responsibilities.

Ladies, think long term. Start treating relationship and marriage as the very serious thing that they are -- and you are responsible for choosing the best leader for your future families. If you just want to have fun -- let it stay fun. Don't get serious. Do rotational dating while staying single. Your future families will thank you.

Yes, you may or may not find him because a fully developed, fully mature HVM are rare. But being single instead of starting another chain of generational trauma is a far better outcome for your life. You aren't born into this world for the sole purpose of finding and keeping a man -- that's what the patriarchy has brainwashed you with. Starting a family is one of the choices -- and only applicable if you meet a truly developed, truly ready HVM. If you don't? Look at all of the other options and live your life to the fullest -- instead of contributing more hurt and agony into this world.

Choose wisely. Stay safe.

CelerieStix · Accepted Answer

“You aren’t born in this world for the sole purpose of finding and keeping a man— that’s what the patriarchy has brainwashed you with.” This is head on and I say it all the time because men have a disgusting habit of saying single women can’t keep a man. No, they don’t deserve to keep me unless they’re HV otherwise kick rocks. Also who the hell said I wanted to be keep a man in the first place?!

estrogramcl · Answer

I proudly proclaim that I can't keep a man and IDGAF if men or women get offended. If they can't stay put and know that they have responsibilities in life then I will continue to put them on rotation. Besides, I made the decision long ago to not marry them, not have kids, and today I am recommending to women that they do not live with them. Keeping men is not solely my damn responsibility, period.

SayNad · Answer

"Also who the hell said I wanted to keep a man in the first place?!"

That is indeed the correct mindset. You don't want to keep a man -- that's a recipe to be stressed and troubled 24/7. Especially when you find a HVM. Because just like how you can see he is HVM, hoards of other women who are desperate for a loving, kind men can see it too.

If we are still in the mindset that "I have to keep this man" -- aka putting him on the pedestal -- you are gonna mate-guard like crazy and becoming unhappy, exhausted, and bitter as time goes by. Because other women won't magically stop hitting on him.

Treat him like a butterfly -- if he truly loves you, he will focus only on you and won't even notice others. If he is just a masquerading scrote started showing his true colors and try triangulating you with all these other women? Oh well time to pack your bags and cut your losses.

And you stay peaceful, unburdened, relaxed, and happy all the way. His loss.

Spacegyal22 · Answer

Run far far far away from men that believe  "women, children, and dogs get unconditional love, but men have to prove their worth and provide and protect" bullshit.
My ex sent that shit to me twice and I pointed out that I stayed by him after he got his hours cut and started being a dick to me . Then he wanted to backtrack and say I was in the minority 🙄. He was so resentful over having to be "the man" and yet was pissed when I would wear the pants, because failure is not something I'm comfortable with
I'm now a big believer in leaving men when they go through hard times. If he doesn't have a job within a month or he's still complaining about an issue within a few weeks, leave immediately

LadySadie · Answer

That's why I wanted to help him out, but the more I did... the more he distanced himself. Exactly what happened with my friend! She was always very responsible, started working and saving young (in high school), worked a full time job plus 2 part-time jobs and owned TWO HOUSES when she was 23! She worked at a college so she could fund her education, which was free for employees. She was scrappy, she hustled, she earned what she had and was always willing to work more. Soooooo, she started supporting a scrote, paying his phone bill, paying his way on her family Hawaiian vacation (ick), while he went to trade school to become an AC repairman or something. Btw, he had a kid, too. No doubt, a deadbeat dad since, apparently, he didn't have a job .He disappeared on her and didn't answer when she called him on the phone SHE PAID FOR. She started looking at his social media posts, trying to find clues about his whereabouts and activity...Eventually, he got in touch, gave a BS excuse, and she stayed with him. They did finally break up (not sure who initiated), but, I remember trying to tell her that he would resent her for financially supporting him--even while his grubby hand was out to take her money--because it's emasculating to be financially dependent on a woman, and men will associate YOU with their emasculation. YOU contributed to their loser laziness by bailing them out with your charity, thinking it would help you keep your man, prove your love, what a great catch you are...NO. They do NOT appreiciate this. They CAN'T. It's their male brain/male pride in the most twisted way. You try to help them, they shit on you for "making them" feel worse by giving them charity--which they gladly take!  It's kind of like the twisted way they beg awom an to have sex with them and then disrespect her for it. Just, ICK.

"He resented that I was a stay at home mom, and that he had to provide. He resented that he had a kid and had that responsibility."

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