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Met a guy outside of a bar last week on Wednesday. We exchanged numbers and we're texting. He asked if I was "free" this weekend, I said I probably would be. On Friday he asks again if I would be free to do something the following day (Saturday). Saturday he texts me to confirm if I was still available. I asked him what we will be doing (bc if it wasn't a real date/dinner, I wasn't interested). He said he wanted to take me to the Keg (for those who don't know it, it's a pretty decent/expensive steakhouse type place). I said sure. I didn't really hear from him much until around later in the evening (he said he was at a baby shower and he would text me when he got home and was getting ready). He then texts me around 7:30 and asks AGAIN if I am "still free", and asked what I was doing. I said I was at home studying. He then asks if he can "pop over" (and he didn't mean as in to come and pick me up for the date). WTF IS THIS????
I didn't eat all day cuz I was saving room for the Keg and he tries to just come over to my place to "chill"???? Boy bye! Didn't even bother to ask what happened to going to the Keg, just told him that I don't think my three other female roommates would be comfortable with me letting a random ass dude who I don't even know come over, and he said okay. Then I blocked and deleted.
I'm not really upset or anything about it cuz this dude was no prize or anything like that (from my understanding, he is an unemployed rapper whose enrolled in Alcoholics Anonymous), but I am just wondering if any one else has ever experienced something like this?
Also wanted to add that ANY AND EVERY time I deviate from FDS rules/standards (in this case- it was me accepting a "date"/hangout/whatever tf it was, less than 3-5 business days in advance), I ALWAYS regret it.
Genuine question: Why even entertain the idea of an unemployed person who has a history of a substance use problem?
You did a great job blocking and deleting him. There were some pretty glaring red flags here:
-Met "outside a bar"
-"Rapper"
-120 days sober (4 months is not much and is more an indicator of a problem than evidence of a lasting solution at this stage)
-Buddy is ostensibly hanging around outside a bar but claims to be newly sober (poor judgement or lying?)
-Kept reconfirming your availability when you'd already confirmed (this is a "tell" and you picked up on it right away)
-More subjective on my end: Met outside Cactus Club (if we are talking about the same place this is a douchey bar frequented by low value finance bros and poseurs); wants to take you to the Keg for a first date (a chain restaurant is pretty low effort / lacks imagination imo)
Asking the same question over and over within a few days likely means he's texting many, many women, and he can't remember which one you are.
Also note that he didn't tell you what the plan is until you asked. A man who seriously wants to date you would have an actual date idea in mind before he even asks if you're free, and as soon as he knows you're free, he would ask if you want to do that date idea.
I get the feeling if you never asked, he wouldn't have said anything about taking you to a restaurant. He would have just skipped right to asking if he can come over on the "available" day. He was just saying whatever he "had to" to keep you "available". I bet he can't remember which woman he said he would take to a restaurant - and to him, it makes no difference.
Just another garden variety fuckboy. At least you didn't have to go through the bother of going on any dates with him to find that out.
This is all "hindsight is 20/20" stuff, though. I probably wouldn't have block and deleted a guy just for asking a question more than once, for me it would also take "he pulls a bait and switch" for me to be sure he belongs in the trash 😆
I can't claim any expertise in this area, but I heard newly sober people aren't supposed to date yet, because it can set back their recovery. Is that true? Is 120 days sober long enough to be past that rule? It seems like it wouldn't be, but I don't know what the answer is.
I think this usually happens because they're talking to multiple people and going through their list from top choice to bottom until they find someone who they're actually interested in (remember they're scrotes so they'll likely ask out a bunch of women including some they won't be interested in for trivial reasons like their race or whatever) who wants to hang out with them. That's why they're being non-committal but still putting enough effort in to keep you on their roster of potential hangouts.
In any case, he could've bought you the keg and it still wouldn't be worth it because he's a LITERAL ALCOHOLIC THE FUCK and also unemployed.
When I get shittily asked out to an ambiguous date like this and the guy doesn't mention the day, time, or location, I like to just smile, agree, and be enthusiastic outwardly, while inside knowing he's 99.999999% chance a scrote who will pull this bullshit, non-date crap on me.
He needs to confirm on the day of or I will not even start getting ready. If he confirms too late in the evening (like texting at 9 p.m. for dinner that same evening), just ignore, or say you've already eaten because you hadn't heard from him. If you feel like it, you can text back the next day like, "Oh, it was so late, I didn't think I'd hear from you."
But by the next day hopefully you'l start to realize that this man lacks basic common courtesy. Do not say how high when he says jump. This is disrespectful to your time. If he wanted to lock you down, he would do so, instead of leaving it up to chance by not confirming. You wouldn't treat your friends or people you respect this way, so don't accept it from scrotes.
Date planning requires 3 things at minimum- Date, time, and place. Any guy that leaves out 1 or more of these things usually turns out to be LVM.
Remove identifying details from your post!!!! I know you live near the ****** restaurant.
Also this is a common tactic, another user mentioned it here a long time ago. It might be from redpill or PUA to encourage you to lower your standards--it's the perfect start for the "fall in love with potential" type of relationship. And also wtf kinda fake excuse is that🤔🤣🤣 Who tf invites a man to a baby shower😂😂 these scrotes don't even know how to think
Yes, something similar has happened to me. I was meeting a guy for brunch, he invited. The brunch never happened, we just sat there talking. I was hungry as fuck. Eventually I left because I was sp hungry. Blocked and deleted. I am thinking the brunch was just an excuse to meet, he was testing me about what I would put up with, if I didnt mention the brunch, probably easier to convince me to come to his place or something. I dont know. The Keg was probably never going to happen, it was just an excuse to keep talking, and see if you would let in him the door after waiting the whole day.
How does someone who is unemployed afford to take someone to the keg?! It’s a pricey place!
That should have been the first sign that something was wrong.
The Keg? LOL are you Canadian by any chance? Just curious. Also yeah, please never assume that you will be wined and dined, even if planned and promised. Some plans do fall through last minute, why wait the whole day to eat? At least eat some small lunch before and heck I might've just went to the restaurant by myself or grabbed a friend anyway if I wanted keg food that badly.