"Friends" ... but only when it suits them

It doesn't help most men hate themselves so they will feel confused and devalue you for liking them

Oof this right there. I said this in another reply, but I feel like he felt so unhappy within himself that he put all the focus on hyping me up and making me feel special to distract himself from that? Makes me sick. Why even pick someone you have so much in common with for this shitty selfish act.

That sounds soo similar to my situation, minus the cheating part (wow that is scum, I’m so sorry). I'm glad I'm not alone at least, cause the way they can dismiss everything we went through, like not even admit we got close is gross.

"It's the sign of a very empty, low value man." It's true, I feel like he felt so unhappy within himself that he put all the focus on hyping me up and making me feel special to distract himself from that? It’s disgusting. How does they sleep at night thining that's okay.

From my end, I thought he was being respectful and building up getting to know me. Nope that was just so he could play the “friends first” card. wtf. It's the worst kind of getting played, cause someone made you think they actually cared.

When I look back at random flings I had in the past, it was easy to let go cause it's not like they even acted like they cared. But this guy truly did act lke it. To find out someone who was treating you like they were there for you truly wasn’t, makes you feel so fucking used. Why do they even want so much emotional shit from someone they dont even want to be with? I’ve had enough of men.

What is fucked up is that we know the difference between a guy being friendly toward us and what these men did, but they make us feel insane, like we imagined it. I don't just develop feelings for random men who are nice to me. This was a deliberate process of creating emotional intimacy over a significant period of time.

They made us think they cared about us. That's why it's so hard to move past it. It's very cruel to lead a woman on. They used us in order to get emotional needs met or an ego boost. Some men like women being infatuated with them. They like using women. It's a terrible way to live.

This is about them. They are the ones who are wrong and messed up. Try not to beat yourself up or feel ashamed. We wanted to believe they were good and honest and truly cared. I say good riddance to them. We deserve to be loved, not lied to.

Ugh I had the similar happen to me recently, and I feel sooo stupid about it. I was pretty clear I was interested in him and at first it was mutual, but he would never act on it and he went from hot to cold. But every time I pulled away he would draw me back in acting like he genuinely liked me and cared about me.

I got fed up with it and told him I was just going to consider him as "just a friend" for my own wellbeing because it was too stressful hoping for something else, and I did like him as a person (definitely not anymore lol). That night he seemed to panic a bit about that and invited me out - I didn't go, but we had a long phone conversation where I thought we were both emotionally open and got closer. He was even going out of his way to say some girls were hitting on him and he wasn't interested, he only wanted to spend time with me, blah blaaaaah bullshit sweettalking. Felt like we understood each other. Then he hits me with "I told you I wasn't really looking to date anyone when we met", um, what?? Then why did you even START whatever this is? And POOF. Ghost town. Haven't heard from him for a month. Completely ghosted.

Your comment is so spot on. They're creating intimacy and doing/saying all the right things (or acting deliberately confusing) knowing full well it's creating a romantic/emotional/trauma bond, and then they act like there's no reason for us to feel that way. It's not just harmless flirting or a little ego-boosting, it's downright insidious and sociopathic. At bare minimum someone mature would sense that feelings were developing and stop, not encourage them like some emotional vampire. And the worst part is that they don't think they've done anything wrong, we're the crazy/clingy/irrational ones that got too attached. What assholes.

Sympathy hugs from a similar situation ❤️

I didnt think I was making friends is the thing...he just called it that after the fact to dismiss what he was doing.