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The discussion we've been having about men midlife crises reminded me of a lesson that I learned early.
I had a terrible, vicious ex when I was a teenager. He was older and did despicable things. When we broke up, I went through several years of profound depression and mourning. He, meanwhile, went back to school, got straight A's and was Mr. High Achiever. About 5 years after we ended our relationship, he tracked me down and called me to tell me that he had recently had a breakdown and had attempted suicide*. I remember thinking, "Why NOW?" I simply couldn't believe that he was just then reacting to all of the things that had happened.
It was an important lesson to me. Painful though it is, it's better to pay your emotional dues at the time. Men, who don't tend to do this, seem to suffer for it later down the road.
The other lesson is that the psychological abusers -- the ones who are deliberately cruel -- ALWAYS come back to explain their behavior. They will give you a detailed explanation of their emotions at the time, but those explanations will not end up making you feel any better, because people who are capable of great cruelty are simply not capable of changing or becoming self-aware. If you have someone like that in your life, and they haven't come back yet, I would recommend not giving them an audience when they return, no matter how much you are dying of curiosity or wanting closure.
*Please note that if it seems like I'm giving very little attention to the suicide attempt, it's because I don't believe it happened.
It just amazes me how many men are sniffers! It’s also amazing to realize that so many men actively want women not to feel comfortable, that they want to keep us guessing, off-balance, insecure. First husband, campus cop, had small dick energy like that. Jack wanted nothing but my comfort and happiness and he ensured I’d be very well taken care of even after he died. Men like your ex- remind me of bad movie villains confessing their evil plans right before they attempt to off their intended victim, playing the grandiose narc to a tee.
"If you have someone like that in your life, and they haven't come back yet, I would recommend not giving them an audience when they return, no matter how much you are dying of curiosity or wanting closure."
Yeah!
I agree that the suicide attempt was attention seeking. I try to hide if I’m depressive, not announce it to everyone for sympathy.
> *Please note that if it seems like I'm giving very little attention to the suicide attempt, it's because I don't believe it happened. Even if it was true, who cares? You’re not responsible for his emotional health. I had an ex do something like this. Contacted me after ten years to apologize for how he treated me, because he had a wife and baby now, and wanted to do better. I remember being annoyed: I didn’t even think about this dude anymore, and I did not owe him my forgiveness so he could feel better about what kind of person he was. If he cared so much, he should focus on the relationship he’s in now, rather than trying to get validation from all the women he’s wronged.
Did you ask him why he didn't k*ll himself 🤣
Ya these people are cost benefit. So showing up at someone’s door saying you tried to commit suicide as a lie holds no gravity it Takes no effort to say that and they are used to everyone having extreme emotional responses and becoming pliable when they say it. It’s sick, but just imagine feeling nothing and think about how extremely easy it is to say a couple words and have people bend to your will. They get such a power high out of how Easily they can make people do what they want. Glad it didn’t work on you sorry bucko why don’t you do my yard work for the rest of my life and then maybe at 90 I’ll think about it.