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My brain is absolutely scrambled. My dad is “completely” different to what I knew him to be when I was small. I was a daddy’s girl
And my dad is supposed to be a #GirlDad, but yesterday he sent my sister and I the most inappropriate video from a female podcaster who echoes the sentiments of these podcast dudes about “pleasing your man sexually”. I responded by telling my dad that the video was highly inappropriate for him to send and lacked facts. My dad is a scientist and the video spoke of the Oxytocin release experienced by men, justifying why they are more sexual. I retorted by telling my dad that it’s a complete myth that women are not as sexual as men.
My dad divorced my mother (an intelligent exec of a listed company) and married a SAHM who is completely dependent on him. His step daughters are in their mid twenties and still require his finances, yet my dad stopped contributing to our maintenance when I was in grade 9. My sister and I have done well career wise and we were taught to be self reliant feminists (values from my dad). And now he has these weird “traditional”, patriarchal views that are incongruent with whom I believed him to be.
Further to that he was so strict about dating and boys. He withheld any sort of meaningful dialogue about dating, but as soon as we were in our late twenties kept on asking us about our love lives which we exclude him from for good reason. My dad has always been judgemental and tied to his ways but this takes the cake. I feel disgusted by him and I can honestly say I have very little respect for him. I’ve always been a romantic and wish to marry an equal someday but I find myself praying for someone completely unlike him.
I’m at a loss. I’m so afraid that this will scar me. To find out at my age (31) that my own father just sees women as sexualised objects is disappointing. 😖
Has anyone here ever overcome a disastrous male foundation?
It sounds like he was a dick all along and you were an innocent child that couldn't see it. He dumped the Independent for a Dependant, to feel powerful and in control. Cutting your finances at grade 9? Sounds like punishing your mom or something.
The independent and dependant woman are like the madonna/whore. They both get cycled in and out. The dependant woman needs me, is feminine. But also gets old and boring. If she is a tradwife she is like a pre-broken toy. The independent is a shiny new toy. Shes happy. I want to break it. If I do manage to break it, it will get old and i want a new one. If I can't break it? What a disrespectful toy, I'll go back to the dependant again, until I get tired. Rinse repeat.
I don't know how to overcome the male foundation. Mine have been shit right from the get. I just accept it and hope for better.
I have yet to find the answer to overcoming an abuser when you still have him in your life. I’ve realized since FDS that the only way for me to completely heal from the damage my father has done would be to go NC. I stood up to him ounce and I had a panic attack when I was alone again. He backed off for about a year and I seem to have to set my boundaries every now and then since the initial occurrence. No panic attacks since.
I can empathize with where you are. Boundaries are everything. You don't have to make it sense. This may never make sense, whether you missed things as a child or he's honestly taken a turn for the worst. Either way, tomorrow's waiting. You'll need boundaries to slay your way through it. My heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry to hear this. The men in my family are all terrible (some more than others) and I grew up being disappointed by them. By contrast, most of the women are strong, decent and independent, which made seeing them get involved with these scrotes even more demoralising. I fixed it by staying true to my values. I can't control how other people live their lives, if men want to be scrotes or if women want to put up with scrotes. I can control whether I have a scrote in my life, and I can vet like crazy to ensure any men always add value to my life. Keep leveling up and don't let your dad lower your standards. You deserve more than his rubbish.
>"My dad divorced my mother (an intelligent exec of a listed company) and married a SAHM who is completely dependent on him."
>"we were taught to be self reliant feminists (values from my dad)."
Ah yes, the classic, "male feminist who believes in the movement but not for his own property"