Beware of how he compliments you

There are certain personality traits that LVM seek and prey on, and they will offer compliments to ensure you continue exhibiting said traits.

These personality traits by themselves are not bad by any means, in fact some of these are high value traits. However, the LVM will focus only on what he gets out of those traits rather than appreciating them as part of the person he loves.

These compliments will masquerade themselves as praise for your good qualities, but the real purpose for them is to manipulate you into leaning into that trait for his benefit.

I'm not saying a man is immediately LV if he gives you any compliment from here, but it could be a reminder to check if he appreciates all of you and not just the parts he benefits from.

​I have grouped common compliments and linked them to a certain archetype of LVM prone to saying them.

1. Mr boohoo sad boy

• You're so understanding

• You get me more than anyone else does

• You are caring

• You stick by me

• You're the only good thing in my life

Likely victims: Women that are naturally caring and have a strong nurturing side, Barbara the Builders, women that value loyalty, 'ride or die' culture, or otherwise crave intimacy and closeness.

Translation: You put up with my mood swings, perpetual unemployment, foul temper, addictions, tantrums or untreated mental illness. I can do anything I want and treat you like trash and you'll forgive me and give me the benefit of the doubt. If you ever stop showing these qualities, I will make you feel selfish and uncaring. You'll never catch a break emotionally because I'm having a crisis every week and will expect you to drop everything and be there no matter what. No, therapy doesn't work on me, I'm too special.

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As mentioned before, being understanding, caring and loyal are good qualities to have. However, if this is all he compliments you for, he is setting you up to define yourself as his emotional punching bag. This is also a behaviour in the cycle of abuse, where after he hurts you he will cry and praise you for 'sticking by him'. This implants a belief in your head that all the suffering is worth it because you're the special one that will stay when no one else has. SPOILER: There's a reason why nobody stays with him :)

1. The man child

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• You keep me in check

• You call me out on my shit

• If it weren't for you I would still be [in some kind of trouble or dark place]

• You're strong and can handle a lot

• You calm me down like no one else

Likely victims: Women that have Type A personalities, Barbara the Builders, women that are generally assertive and ambitious, and have a habit of wanting to be in control and used to managing many things. The type to work full time and grudgingly do all the housework because their LVM husband did it wrong on purpose.

Translation: I have no agency or ambition as a person. Nothing is ever my fault or my responsibility. I probably have a victim mentality and nothing is ever my own doing, but only things happening to me. I will get mad if you don't remind me to do basic adult things, but if anything goes wrong, I will blame you, because I only did it because you wanted me to.

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Some men will talk about their wife/gf 'keeping them in check' to paint the image of a humbled man that listens to his wise, all-knowing wife. The reality is that he's probably a mouthy dickhead with no self-restraint or tact, and his poor wife deals with the social consequences of his pig-headedness and associated dipshittery. It's normal for both people to 'keep each other in check' sometimes, but if that's the compliment he chooses for you, it says 'I am too feeble-minded to hold standards for myself and expect my wife to mother me'. He could have said 'she's responsible, smart, and says what needs to be said', but instead he has to centre himself and what he gets.

1. The pick-me fisherman

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• I feel like I can really be myself around you

• I don't have to try when I'm with you

• I like that you don't expect me to be something I'm not

• You're not my usual type (therefore you must be *~special~*)

• You're low maintenance

• You're easy to talk to

Likely victims: Pick mes that pride themselves on 'not being like other girls', women drawn to avoidant men, women that crave the intimacy and comfort of a secure relationship but mistake laziness and low effort as security.

Translation: You're not my dream girl, you were simply just there. I can put minimal effort into you and you'll stay. I don't need to moderate myself to be considerate of your feelings, make an effort to look nice or do anything sweet because you're not worth it for me, and I know you'll stay anyway. I might do all of these things for my dream girl (for a time), but I'm always down to sleep with you. Although I praise you for being low maintenance (or not being my usual type), I will gawk at and jerk it to highly maintained and done up women that are my type on Instagram. Also I'll definitely forget your birthday every time, and if you kick up a fuss I'll whine about how much of a burden it is to meet the bare minimum expectations and reiterate that you're only special to me because you don't hold me to any standards.

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It's all in the definition. When you describe an item as low maintenance, you can put less effort into taking care of it and it will still do what you need it for. Why is it a good thing when you call a person low maintenance? This type of loser is defined by his incessant need to put in as little effort as possible for every aspect of his life. He is also catnip for women attracted to emotionally unavailable men.

At some point in a relationship you should be getting more comfortable to a degree, but you should also be making each other better. If you have a growth mindset and look to improve yourself, don't chain yourself to a stagnant dullard of a person that mopes over the slightest suggestion to be better.

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These compliments given to you could also could be true.

Maybe you are understanding,

you are easy to talk to,

you do stick by those you love,

you do speak up when someone's wrong.

You're also more than the qualities that benefit him.

What these compliments all have in common is that it's all about him in the way he frames it. Self-centred and self-serving. The purpose of this post isn't to erase these traits, but to spot users and manipulators pretending to praise your virtues so that they may extract the benefits. Give those benefits to yourself, and to someone that reciprocates and appreciates you for you.