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One of my old screenshots from Reddit...unfortunately I missed the user name--claim it if you want to!
Anyway, this was one of the many posts that both kind of blew my mind but made me go, "ah yes, there it is" like I knew somehow, deep down, this was the case.
Not to toot my own horn, but I had always thought I was pretty (got compliments all the time as a kid and teen) and I was quite baffled and hurt, to be honest, when I barely had any male attention when I went away to college apart from a few one-off weirdos..and I really had been looking forward to dating. Needless to say, I was always clean, well groomed, and nicely dressed.
Now I read this post and I think, is it because I wasn't dressing like a runway model, porn star, or drag queen all the time? When in doubt titties out? I tried to ignore it and focus on my work and studies, but this definitely nudged me towards pickme behavior in my early to mid twenties, which of course got me more attention, but the absolute worst kind.
So the question is this: are men truly this "visually dumb" and brain fried from porn they can't tell what an attractive woman looks like if she doesn't have all "signifiers" they're accustomed with Instathots, OF, or Pornhub, or is this a meta patriarchal strategy to make more pickmes by deliberately ignoring us if we're not a complete doormat and/or putting up a neon light that we're DTF?
NB: For additional context, I went to a single sex religious high school where dating, or even seeing boys on a regular basis, wasn't exactly an option.
There are plenty of attractive women who don’t receive male attention, and this is usually because they think those women are taken OR they don’t want to put in the effort. I’ve seen it happen countless time where a man will say an attractive woman looks like a high maintenance gold digger. They’d rather go for “low hanging fruit”.
Like you said, HVM truly do treat women differently and this is why I believe this is due to upbringing/socialization/porn and not an inherent trait. I always have to think about this random stranger, an old man, who was walking past me and stopped me just to tell me I look beautiful in the blouse I was wearing and that it had a stunning design. I was so shocked that this man noticed my clothes and gave me a simple sweet compliment that I was about to freaking hand the blouse to him. You can have it, sweetheart! He just said it, smiled and left. No disgusting looks or anything. Its so rare for things like this to happen, its just sad.
The difference is also so obvious when you see men describe women they are in love with. They will describe their bone structure, eye shape, smile, their walk, etc. Something that is individual to that woman and not just a "female trait".
There's a point here! I've noticed that when I go out dressed conservatively or casually, most men don't even notice me. They look straight through me, as though I'm not even there. But if I'm wearing a low-cut top or a short skirt? Doesn't matter what my hair is like or whether I'm wearing makeup or not, I'm more likely to get creepy cold-approaches and you can literally feel the lecherous stares. I know women who are stunning - amazing bone structure, great hair and could definitely be models if they wanted. They seem to have the same experience. When they dress conservatively, men often don't even notice their existence. I've known multiple guys who actually rejected women who were gorgeous and intelligent, in exchange for women who were... not so much. The thing all those women had in common was that their everyday clothes could often be mistaken for underwear. I really do think most men are too dumb to see actual features. They just see what they take to mean availability because their brains are so porn-fried. That said, maybe this could be a screening process in a way? Because if a man notices you in a non-objectifying way when you're dressed more conservatively, I think he's more likely to actually like you and see you as a person.
Some men don't know beauty they only know lust. They don't even know the difference. This is why I don't dress up very often because men are so gross. Looking at someone and finding them beautiful is NOT THE SAME as objectification and lust. I literally have to stop myself from punching theses dudes when they look at me. I will say it's both. It's The Patriarchy working for pornsick scrotes. Getting complements is nice. Feeling invisible, not so much.
Men aren’t visually dumb but many are desensitised to how real women look. Re: the ugly duckling to swan, men are primed to find women who perform for the male gaze to be attractive because it signals subservience to patriarchy. That’s why taking off your glasses and putting on contact lenses, putting on make-up and wearing dresses attracts men. They see you as being more compliant and performing for them.
My theory is the guys don’t understand what actually beauty is. Model-esque Features like high cheekbone, jawline, symmetry etc are just too much for their basic brain to comprehend. Most guys, at least guys from the Midwest like plain janes in terms of features with some make up and dresses like the trendy IG boutiques such as white fox or princess Polly. Guys like those would find women like that as attractive as models like Bella Hadid or Naomi Campbell which we all know is damn false. Anyways, most guys don’t have taste and only like basic. I wouldn’t give those men a second thought what they think, let the basic people date Other basics and be unseasoned together.
I think its a pornfried neg.
"I had no idea you were attractive since you didn't arch your back hard enough and wear tight enough clothing around me" lol
Had a coworker call me trans because I'm not feminine enough. Our uniforms are bulky and we all look like androgenous blobs if you ask me. Anywho, I just mock his high pitched voice back lmao
In my opinion, who cares 💁🏾♀️ If you have to have your tits out for a man to notice you/your beauty then he isn't HVM nor the man who's mindset or psychology you should be trying to figure out. But the "in doubt, tits out" is so funny. I usually say "He won't know you're a woman unless your tits are out" but yours is better 🤣
I think the guys you mentioned are "model fetishisers" who realise they could have had a chance with the 2 girls when they were at school, so they re-categorise them as "ugly ducklings" because they now regret the chance they missed (fragile male egos). Men aren't "visually dumb" they simply describe reality in ways that benefits their ego the most.
As for why you "didn't recieve male attention" in college--I think guys at that age are immature and have no idea how to even begin dating properly.
My friend who is HVM never looks at women or checks them out when we are together. Honestly his head doesn’t turn and he focuses on the people he is having a conversation with. He also doesn’t like it when younger girls are wearing very revealing clothing almost like wearing Lingerie, everything out and revealing. He said it’s best not to look at anyone and he wishes women/girls protected their bodies more from nasty men. It’s very true how he notices my dresses, the way I coordinate, colours, how I do my hair from time to time. However, I do dress elegantly but due to my body type (natural hour glass figure and big butt/wide hips) even when I wear a long sleeve dress below the kneee, my body shows so I still get attention but I’m thankful that I don’t get called names and I receive nice/kind compliments. Scrotes will always make you feel uncomfortable and even worse when women have their lips done (porn star look), boobs done, etc.
Most people don't care that much about looks. They start caring about looks only if a person is either ugly (by bullying, for example) or if a person is attractive (by compliments, approaches, etc). This example is biased because these women were hot tomboys, not ugly tomboys. If they were ugly, their experience would've been much worse. This is just a "pretty people issue", imo.