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I know it’s not technically a dating thing but I just need a place to vent and grieve without someone calling me crazy, sisters, sorry.
Around 5 years ago I finally found my unicorn of fitness classes. Convenient location, times that work with my work schedule, great program and trainer, no scrotes. We are a women-only group doing a mix of pilates, aerobics, different flexibility exercises (I can do splits now!), use stuff like balls and foam rolls etc.. It’s basically organized kindergarden playtime for adults with music and all the fun toys. I go twice or three times a week and it’s often the highlight of my week. My main problem with fitness classes was always that they only did one thing and bored me after a while, so this is something I had been looking for forever.
I’m going into detail that much because the content of the class obviously means you get sweaty, gross, into weird positions or need to work with a partner (e.g. to stretch) all the time. As a women-only group it never got awkward, though. We have all ages (20-65) and backgrounds, there is no competition, everybody just does the best they can and is supportive and sitting out an exercise if you aren’t feeling well or can’t do it for health or age reasons isn’t a problem, on hot days we can work out in just our sports bras, nobody cares about what her hair and face look like, we can openly talk about stuff like periods, recovering after a pregnancy or pelvic floor training. It’s wonderful, you can probably imagine it.
And now a man joined and the whole mood shifted. You can feel the awkwardness. No more “women-talk” about embarrassing topics. No more working out in our bras. Suddenly you wonder if he is staring at your boobs/butt/crotch/the sweat stains under your arms/messy hair and face during an exercise. Weird grunty man-noises during the stretches. Pairing up gets awkward because nobody wants to work with him. Let me note that he hasn’t done anything obviously inappropriate until now. But his presence is enough to make everyone feel self-conscious and uncomfortable.
Some of us have talked to the trainer already and she feels that way, too, but there’s nothing she can do because the studio handles the participants. The class was never officially women-only because the studio doesn’t split classes until their have enough participants for a men- and women-class each (but the content just wasn’t attractive to men) and we even had a gay couple for a while and they were great, worked together for everything that required a partner, and didn’t change the mood at all.
And now I grieve and hope the guy will give up and stop coming at some point and not bring even more men in. I feel a little ridiculous that it affects me so much because he hasn’t actually done anything, but maybe someone can relate?
Men infiltrating women’s safe spaces is so infuriating because there is literally no need. Hopefully he can sense the awkward vibe and leave or that the studio can ask him to leave, but being a man he will likely be totally oblivious or just not care.
That sucks!!! 😡I feel you with that. I used to go to a gym that had a women-only section. Like they didn’t even allow men staff to enter that area. And they had a women-only studio and pool there and I so agree and feel you. The vibe is so different when you have a man added to the group. You feel way less comfortable. And when it’s just women it’s so freeing and safe there. An advice I could say is to figure out how many women in your class prefer it to be women-only space. Then when you get a rough number find at least 2 other women who feel as strongly (or close to) to approach the management. and let them know how you’d like this class advertised as “women-only”. I used to work at a gym too and these managements care if you’ll leave your memberships. Mention all of the unique features that you said here and let them know that one thing you love about the space is that you love how women-only and that many ladies feel more comfortable AND SAFE being in this space. And how this is so unique AND UNLIKE any gym you’ve gone to. But now you’ve noticed it’s not the case and many of you (again go as 3-4 of you to talk to them) don’t feel comfortable anymore and with this new change some ppl considering a membership won’t come either (mention some random friend or cousin). These places care about losing regular loyal customers and potential new customers. Also to really help your case get as many of you as you can to fill out feedback forms stating this too! I feel that men are always wanting to infiltrate spaces and there were so many times that the gym kept thinking of “opening up the space” to “be more accommodating”. But they never could cause there were SO Many women who would leave and join another gym. They knew this is what made them different so even when “men complained” the management couldn’t change it as they knew their dollar was on the line. I hope that was helpful. But Queen I feel you and it’s time to take back and reclaim that spot!
I wish men weren't so against women having their own spaces, away from them.
Just a thought, keep talking about women stuff, especially stuff men think of as gross. Talk a lot, focus on it, go into detail, ignore that he's present and talk especially when he's present. If he is not deliberately being invasive, he might just get grossed out and leave.
When he grunts have everyone start grunting all childish. Then talk about knitting and manicures; boring topIcs. Slow the class down to chit chat and look at baby pictures. Ignore him. He may not come back.
Its so annoying how men can't seem to leave women alone- being gay doesn't exclude them from the rule (it's actually more annoying when they're gay because women give them a pass for some reason as if gay men aren't just as misogynistic as straight men). Men like this need to be shamed collectively by the other ladies. Women really need to put their foot down or we won't get anywhere.
Yes I can relate. Back in 2004 and 2005 I found a unicorn gym. An all women's gym. It was amazing. And It eventually got bought out from the locals who owned it and turned into a coed gym. It's never been the same comfort level than working out with women only.
This is only a half-serious suggestion. Keep talking about women's issues - child birth, period poos, etc, but only in the most graphic ways possible. It might make him uncomfortable enough to leave (but maybe not). Men talk about their gross stuff All The Time.
I'll never forget this one episode of The Graham Norton show with Goldie Hawn, Amy Schumer, Orlando Bloom and John Boyega. Goldie and Amy started talking about working together and that Amy could have been Goldie's daughter. All cute and funny stuff. But then, Goldie and Amy started describing Amy coming out of her vag (not graphically or anything) and it was hilarious. But there was a moment where Orlando showed visible discomfort about the subject. I just thought "ha, a little payback for the gross stuff we had to hear men say for decades".
Also, I think that was the episode where Goldie Hawn talked about telling a man who had just kissed her that his kiss made her want to throw up. 🤣
What about you all keep talking about periods and other subjects around him? Maybe he'll get uncomfortable and stop coming.