Yall, I am so DONE with spending my god damn time on dating apps to be invited to a coffee date

I had it on my profile clearly - "Let's start with a dinner."

I got a message from a guy saying, "I don't know about starting with a dinner, but I'd like to take you for a coffee."

Way to tell me what you think I'm worth 👏 block and delete.

I feel you sis. It's been almost 4 years since I've been on a date, mostly because of this shit. It's gotten to the point when I see a dude screwing up his courage to approach me I run (sometimes literally). I'd rather just not deal with them at all than get excited about a possibility and then let down like this.

I think the prevalence of dating apps has made men think of us as disposable, replaceable, interchangeable. I will never subject myself to that again. Why would I want to go out with a guy who probably swiped on me while he was on the toilet?!

I went from living in a boring town with nothing to do to living in a city that constantly has plenty of interesting and fun options, many would make fantastic dates. Yet, the men in this city Still suggest coffee dates / walks. Bonus the coffee dates are always at well known chains and the parks are just boring parks (when there's some really cool coffee shops and some amazing parks with different festivals and events) and still they go for the cheapest, most bland options.

The bottom line is that lvm - no matter how many fantastic date options are available, no matter how much money or connections they have - will still LOWBALL you. They can be told and it won't change then (some will just wear the mask you want to see until it falls off).

Lvm are master lowballers they want as much as possible for the smallest amounts of time and effort and money.

The silver lining is that you're seeing this almost immediately instead of wasting time or being strung along for months an weeks

I think incredible first dates are reserved for women they meet irl, and they don't take women on old seriously enough to plan and pay for something meaningful. It's just a free sex delivery service for them.

unpopular opinion, but i don't think his invitation was terrible - for me, personally. i like going to the movies and discussing the plot afterwards (i like "brainy" stories). i love cinema and it is very expensive where i live. to the point where i'd rather save the money because it could pay for a nice meal. no kidding. i think that the most important thing in any date (not just the first one) is to ask yourself "is he suggesting something that i like? has he paid attention to our conversations? did he take notice on the types of activities i enjoy? or is his idea of a date too lazy and generic?"

that being said, given you made it clear in your profile that you want something increadible for your first date, i totally understand your frustration. he probably didn't even read anything on your profile. just swiped right to everyone and decided you looked hot enough to have his attention.

OLD is too disappointing. i think you should quit it altogether. too many men, too low quality, too much stress. unfortunately, i don't have an alternative. i've decided to go solo.

Yeah... Sue me, but I just don't get OLD. The whole premise of it seems to make it near impossible to have a great and genuine connection right off the bat. In a sea of strangers, I'd definitely not expect finding someone to go on an "unforgettable" date with. For me personally, the possibility of a romantic date only comes into play once I've known the person for a while (which includes seeing them face to face at least once). Sure, we want to immediately block scrotes who are obviously just looking for a quick and cheap hookup, but what's so bad about a low stakes and low pressure first "date"? (which of course can be more than just getting coffee if one so desires). I guess I just don't quite understand the expectation here, which might be due to cultural differences. Is it that

1. ...the guy somehow develops such an intense romantic interest in and understanding of you based on a profile and a bit of chatting that he will plan this "incredible" first date? If that happens, I'd be quite concerned about love bombing / emotional immaturity.

2. ... the guy is the kind of person who offers to sweep every woman he barely knows but is interested in off her feet, because that's who he is... Then that's cool, I guess, but I would have a hard time feeling special knowing that this is what he'd do for everyone and it's not actually about me.

Don't get me wrong, I need and want a partner who is kind by default -- and my partner definitely is that kind of person. But I also expect a realistic and natural progession of closeness and romantic gestures. I think a guy can express interest and respect in a healthy way that makes you feel valued and pursued without planning an elaborate, movie-like first date. Of course, if that's what you want, it's what you want and I'm not taking it away from you. From my own experience I'm just saying that romance is still possible even if it doesn't start off with fireworks.

"what do you wanna do" drove me crazy, I hated that so much. Why would they ask you out by making women plan the date?? why are men acting like theyre the prize and we have to put in all the effort for them?? I gave up on OLD because that's all you're going to get, if they think you're fuckable after the coffee date theyll take you to dinner then most of the time but only once they're assured their chances of sex at high. thats literally the only reason 99.99999% of men are on there. they want sex, attention and validation. they want their cake and to eat it too, basically.

Dating apps are trash, anyway.