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I don't understand and I apologize if it sounds like I have a victim-complex, but I'm just frustrated. Last night, at a local church event, I met two guys who both seemed into me, we hit it off and decided to go to a bar afterwards. All was going well, we were dancing, and one of the guys and me got closer and had already been flirting all evening and when the other one left to go talk to friends, we kissed. We made out for a while. It got kind of heated so me being me I let him know that I was religious and conservative and that nothing was going to happen tonight and asked him if he is okay with that (looking back I shouldn't have done that, it came across needy and insecure, but I wanted to test him). He said it's fine and we took a cab home, made out a little bit more at my door and I specifically asked him if we would see each other again. He said yes and I even asked him again "sure?" jokingly lol (which I know I shouldn't have, it didn't come across very confident, but I was drunk and I wanted set my expectations with him), we kissed goodbye and I went home. Now it's 2pm and the other guy I was with, who barely showed any interest and was stingy, texted me good morning and asked me on a date, meanwhile I still haven't heard from the guy I made out with. It's triggering all sorts of insecurities in me from past experiences, of guys pursuing me until they get what they want and then dipping afterwards. I just feel like if I was prettier, skinnier, he wouldn't have done this. Or maybe I acted too interested and desperate. I don't know how to set expectations or boundaries without coming across needy. I also feel like when he asked for my number, I gave it straight away, maybe that's why he feels like he doesn't need to put in any effort? Am I just bad at this game or are men just only interested in you until you show interest back? I feel like it's not even about winning a woman over, it's just about a sense of accomplishment for them.
What now? Should I delete his number? When he texts me, do I reply at all? I want to let men know that I expect a good-morning message without having to act demanding and giving up my femininity.
Anyway, on a positive note, I'm glad I did not give in and sleep with him, because then my regret and sense of shame would be so much higher. Never making that mistake again.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but your first mistake was to make out with a random guy you just met at a club. Where's the vetting on your side? Where's the effort on his side? There is nothing that can be salvaged here. Acting like this attracts predators and other scum, not men who are seriously interested in dating (you or anyone). It's dangerous. A random man who picked you up at a club now knows where you live.
Please read (and internalize) the handbook before you do anything else. It really sounds like you are not ready to date at all and have a long journey ahead of you.
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/handbook-posts/link-to-reddit-page-with-handbook-contents
My take: The first guy bragged to his friend that he had made out with you. His friend now wants a piece of that. Guy #1 is done with you (because he got what he could); now Guy #2 is lining up. "Bro" culture, where they do these "favors" for each other.
They are treating you like a carnival ride. GET AWAY FROM THEM. Block and delete.
It sounds like the guy you made out with wanted sex, so once you made it clear that you did not want sex he left you alone.
Lowering your standards to obtain a man that you are very interested in is not going to end well and you will regret it.
Never make out with strangers. It never ends well, and it makes a woman look cheap and easy. HVM don't act like this, and they certainly aren't attracted to women who behave this way.
They're not that into you.
It's nothing about you that "makes" them low effort. They ARE low effort, you just found out in a devastating way because you didn't vet beforehand. Men making out with you is not courtship. Of course there's no reason why you should expect proper courtship when you never filtered for men who fit the bill, you took a random one and hoped he would be decent. That's not going to work with men because the majority of them are LV. On FDS we advocate for only giving the best men access to you. Those who make you feel safe and don't trigger your insecurities. When you feel like you need to give a man a heads up about not having sex the day you met him, your gut is already telling you he's bad news. I totally understand the reflex, I have it too. It's a sign that the man is not respectful or that you don't know enough about him to be sure. A good man makes you feel good about yourself. The moment you feel something is off, abort. It seems you're too focused on making men like you because they won't offer affection and respect by themselves, so you hope you can nudge them. No! If men don't have what you seek, move on. They don't bring anything to the table.
Jeez you need to get away from this situation asap . Block and delete everyone involved in this incident and please read the handbook
You need to read the handbook.