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We went on probably 4 high effort dates, he started losing interest after the 4th but we ended up on 7 ish before I asked him where we stood and he called it off. Up until date 3 I was multidating but had to break it off because the other guy wanted to be exclusive, I wasn't sure about him, and I didn't want to stop seeing this one. My energy shifted after that in the sense that I now focused all my energy on this guy who even from the beginning when I was evaluating I was concerned he was less communicative than the other one. I now went from being more elusive and communicative since I had high standards as to when I was taking calls and didn't care if he dropped off to consistent and clearly excited to see him. I noticed a change in energy almost immediately. It also put me in a position where I started missing red flags and overlooking signs of losing interest. If I were multidating I would have let him drop off the face of the earth, but once I got invested I prolonged it by reaching out to him occasionally. I still tried to follow most fds rules and he initiated more than I did but there was a drop off in enthusiasm, prioritization of me, and consistency from before. He even admitted to me he wasn't prioritizing me and tried to step up but when I asked him where we stood he admitted he was just too busy to and I deserve better and it ended. And I got hurt. Bad.
Anyways probably for the best because a guy shouldn't be testing your boundaries anyways and there were red flags like inviting himself to my place to make out the 4th and 5th date (to be fair he didn't try for sex but it's just weird and rude), and saying he had no social media and never had social media when I found him on Instagram and a hidden Facebook with pictures of his ex still up. I brushed it off as an old account and he barely followed anyone but multidating me would not have tried to rationalize that at all. Probably he wasn't even over his ex and just dating to try and get over her.
Ladies never try to hold onto a man who is changing their communication style on you. Best case scenario they got busy (his excuse) worst case scenerio they lost interest. I don't think the issue was me reaching out to confirm plans or occasionally calling him but that I stopped evaluating his level of effort and got burned.
I totally feel you !! That’s why we need to be so ruthless sometimes when we click with one person we tend to forget the true nature of men . Men can go on dates with us having no interest in us just to use our time and energy ! That’s why it’s so important to never lift a finger to get commitment or even have the need to ask a man where we stand if we need to ask him he is not the one . Men who truly want to be with us will never confuse us . What happened to you happened to me multiple times the moment I started giving that man more energy or even showed I wanted to be with him more than he wanted to be with me boom I was taken for a ride ! Guess rotation dating is the key till someone in our rotation commits !
Please don't blame yourself for being excited to see him and not having another guy lined up right away. Yeah you might have over-invested a little, but it's not entirely your fault since he seemed to be enthusiastic at first. Men like this do start to back away once you match their energy and they realize that dating you might actually go somewhere. Better to find out sooner rather than later. We want someone who will not be turned off by affection or enthusiasm. Some FDSers say give the man absolutely nothing to keep him wanting more. While I agree we shouldn't invest all our emotional energy in a stranger, I think being cold and unapproachable on purpose can often attract men who enjoy the chase, like pushing boundaries and will go to great lengths for you but drop you as soon as they feel they "got you", so it's not a foolproof strategy either. We make ourselves vulnerable to some degree when dating, no way around that. So you got hurt. Take time off from dating to bounce back if you need to.
I am not telling men this, and I’m not rotationally dating at the moment, but I have decided that I will not cut off my options until I get a ring. Men are always cheating and lining up back up women. I tried being a super loyal, monogamous woman and look where I am now? I’m a chump without any man to fall back on. The man you just dated is no different. His gf is getting chumped and you’re a possible rebound option in case it fails. I use this term from “lose a cheater, gain a life.”
What a disgusting guy. Truly, I get being undecided, since I often am 😅 What I don't get is how this sort of behaviour is so common. It's like some stupid game for an ego boost and what a waste of time. Good riddance. You deserve far better.
I don’t think he is busy love. I think he is in a relationship possibly married or has a gf already.
Yes! I’ve been here too! When you notice a slight change in communication (and we do notice as women). Take it as he’s not that into you. I too tried to keep it going but eventually it led to him to be late for 2nd date to going ghost for two days on the day of our 3rd date. Texting me 2 days later that he was sorry and had alot going on 🙄 He probably had other women he was entertaining. I told him it was disrespectful and didn’t contact him again! I should of blew him out when he was late for the second date. I think we intuitively know they aren’t as serious. Your guy might of still been with his ex for all you know. I always assume this now. You deserve better queen.
Yes lying about social media and having pics with a woman? I believe he has a gf or wife. Hence why lying about having social media and hence why he let you go when you asked him to define. dont blame yourself seems like he is in a relationship and dating, pretending he’s single .
why would you let him in to make out the 4th and 5th date even though you thought it was weird and rude? doesn't seem high standard to me, you developed feelings and let your guard down too soon, this guy is just a better player than you