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So like, I'm currently working at my new company and I noticed this difference with my colleagues and how they talk to me.
At my old job, it was strange. I thought it was established that I youngest in the group and idk anything. It was hard figuring out what I could and could not talk about with colleagues. For instance, I was just trying to create small talk with a male colleague who was old enough to be my father (he's late 50's and I'm 30) since we were alone in the break room. I asked him if he has any siblings and he's like why? Do you like me ? I was taken back and thought that this is not something you should ask.
Fast forward to today at my new work, I told my female colleague that it was my birthday, and how I'd be spending it with family and friends and out of the blue she asked me if I had siblings. I was kind of like taken back because I thought it was a "work no-no" to talk about private matters. And like, we just bonded over the fact that our parents had us in their late 30's.
For a while, now I'm beginning to think that old male colleague was coming on to me while putting me in this oppressive state because I was young and a woman. This guy was so "hot and cold", and kept negging me about my appearances. For instance, I love dressing up and getting my nails done and he had the audacity to tell me that all I'm going to have at the end of the day is a nice wardrobe. At my previous workplace, I felt like I have to "dress down" because of those comments.
This whole ordeal made me realize just how skeevy the whole environment I working at previously. It was never my fault, but more of theirs.
Honestly I do not see coworkers as friends or people to be trusted whether they be any gender. It's literally just like high school for some of them. Just keep it cute and at the end of the day all they care about is if you're going to show up and if you'll do the work.
The scrote was just being typically scrotey - he thought that any attention meant you liked him.
With your new female colleague, I don't understand why you say private matters are out of the question to talk about when you had literally just described a privatematter to her; your birthday celebrations, family and friends. You spoke about family, but were taken aback when she asked about family. Good for you though, for bonding anyway!
For the record, I don't think that private lives are a "work no-no." It's a read the room situation, but because some people (men!) don't observe boundaries, it's easier to shut it ALL down before it begins. Personally that's not how I choose to live my life - I love connecting with people. But I use my empathy skills to judge what is appropriate at each stage of the relationship. I work with good people because I vet my workplaces before I take a job there.
Id make sure to have good nail's every day just to piss him off lol
There are obviously terrible colleagues of both genders but I think the problem in your case was context.
If someone I had never really spoken to before asked me if I had siblings completely out of the blue in the break room I would be confused and slightly taken aback, too. It just seems random, forced and weird.
The second situation you describe had context that explained the question. You told her that you would spend your birthday with your family, so asking a question about family doesn't come out of the blue.