Reflections on my 2022 scrotation

Jumping right into it. As y'all can read from my history, I had a break up in March of 2022. I took a few months to heal and then had an enjoyable hot girl summer in a few different countries and couple big cities around my home country. Good times. I'll spare the details of my hot girl summer mostly because it's not related to dating. I just partied and traveled and explored the way I love to do. Lots of adorable bakeries and cozy coffee shops. I will say, I had the most fun in Miami and partying with locals in the Dominican.

Then I came home and met quite a few young men who were pretty good dating contenders until they weren't. That's kinda how it always goes. Lol.

Late July of 2022 I met a man who I thought had great potential. He was funny, kind, sweet, handsome, and exciting. He introduced me to a lot of great clubs I'd never been to before which was out of my comfort zone, but a lot of fun. He was an ex pro soccor player and had a well off job in a research lab. We dated a lil and it fizzled out as of early August. At that point I was also dating a sports personality who I only went on like one or two dates with. Super forgettable, but he wasn't bad. His entire life revolved around sports, though, and that got old fast. I think sports can be fun to play, but listening to him and his friends rattle off about stats was the worst. I didn't fully dump these men until August though.

In August, I met another man who, and I'm not even being dramatic, showed me a whole new world. If I could describe the feeling, it was like literally being swept away at a ball, being twirled around, and dipped only to come up and see the Prince is who swept you away. Exhilarating. I'll just never forget how easily he broke down all my walls and crawled right into my heart. He was dreamy and everything I never knew wanted.

Usually, I date men in STEM because I’m an English major and STEM bros flock to me. This guy was a marketing and economics double major. Funny side note, I’m in the background of a halloween picture of his from a few years ago. Lmao! I was looking at it and was like, “hey wait, I remember that costume.” And sure enough we both went to the same college and I’m in the back of the pic with my friends. That moment had felt like such a sign from the universe to me that he and I were destined to meet. He is the first man I can say I ever deeply admired and respected, my desire for him was deeper than just lust, though he was deliciously handsome, he seemed to really understand me. Even in our disagreements I found myself mesmerized by him and his ability to craft a well-thought out argument on the fly, his use of grammar, his diction. It was all so sexy. Most men I knew didn’t have vocabularies that stretched deeper than “sad” “angry” “happy.” Yet he used big words correctly and in marvelously complex sentences. It was like finding an oasis after walking endlessly thru a desert, yet I hadn’t even known I was thirsty. He was a very soft place to land.

I lost interest in the other dudes and this man and I dated until October. He wanted to be my bf by the end of August but I said no, I wanted to take it very slow and we could decide that in December. He agreed without a fuss. I tried keeping a rotation, but I had zero desire for other men because next to him they were all dumb as a box of rocks. Like, yeah, they could make bombs and incredibly advanced robots and solve complex mathematical equations, but none of then knew how to spell and none of them utilized spell check. Exhausting. When he told me he wanted to be my bf I did say no, but I wasn't looking to date anyone else, I just kinda stopped trying to find other people and decided to see where this led.

Craziest realization I had from this time period was that while I deeply loved my ex from earlier in the year, I never deeply respected nor admired him. Not to say I didn’t love him as he was nor respect him as a person. That’s not what I mean. I mean I didn’t value his intellect in what he was actually smart in. In fact, I thought he was really fucking stupid and that all men are really fucking stupid, so he was just an average guy. He could never spell things correctly, nor did he read deep literature with big words. He couldn’t describe his feelings or things around him in great detail.

If he was in a good mood he’d just say, “I’m happy.” And that would be it. Nothing deeper. I’d pry, but all I would get was. “I have had a good day, so I am happy.” What was good about it? “Nothing went wrong.” All of the men I’ve dated have been STEM majors so this kind of behavior was my normal. I never thought anything of it other than men are too stupid to be deep.

Like. He is mathematically, scientifically, and technologically advanced and very good at his job which requires great use of mathematics and physics. But those skills didn’t translate into anything I respect. I realize that now. It’s kinda weird to think about to be honest. Even writing it makes me cringe.

Anyway, I met my new man’s friends, I met his roommates, and he and I shared some hobbies so he brought me to those groups, too. He included me into nearly every aspect of his life and we saw each other several times a week, including dates. Everywhere we went people would ask us if we were bf/gf and I'd say no, but the chemistry was definitely there. He made it very clear 110% of the time that he was interested in me and his friends and roomies loved me. I got comments from my own friends and family that I'd never looked happier or healthier. August thru the beginning of October were great months.

But.

As you all know, I travel for work. This wasn't a problem until, you guessed it, I got a new job that came with a raise, better benefits, and less hours. He did not congratulate me when I told him. As a matter of fact, none of his friends did either when I told them the good news. I had gotten the call on my drive over for our weekly game night and I thought, stupidly, that they'd be happy for my success. Sigh. None of the men would look me in the eyes and the one other woman there started sizing me up, literally looking me up and down. It completely changed the dynamics. Now, I know, I know. Money should be discussed earlier, but he never batted an eye when he took me out on dates, which averaged about $120 on food and $75 for entertainment per date 1-2 times per week. He also worked as an economist and was very familiar with money and basically, because he was generous and seemed well off, I just assumed he was doing well financially.

And, let's be clear, for a 24 year old man living in a McMansion with two roomies in the suburbs and a remote 9-5, he was doing EXTREMELY well for a man his age. But I was doing better at 22. He wouldn’t admit it, but he got very jealous. Turns out all the nice stuff he had was either given to him or he thrifted it, so my initial check on his furniture (seeing if it was dove tailed, what kind of wood, sturdiness, etc) was moot because he didn't actually know the quality of the items he had. The relationship basically fell apart after that and he grew distant. He didn't text me as much and for the last two weeks he didn't take me out nor kiss me. He had surgery and blamed his bad mood on that, but he seemed normal enough at game nights and our hobby groups. At the end of the month, I was in another state about to go to sleep when he called me, crying, and said his ex had told her dad that they'd been together and he was worried he was going to be "assassinated."

For some context, he's a white christian man, she's a brown islamic woman. They dated on and off from Dec 2021 to Aug 2022. It was very taboo for her to be with a white man out of her faith and that's what their whole relationship basically rode on. Racial stereotypes of one another. Yup. Sigh. For some reason he called me for help? To this day I have no idea why. The entire call shocked me. At first I was worried and concerned bc I'd never heard him cry before and I coaxed the initial info out of him. He told me he'd gone to several other people (even a relationship counselor) about it??? (Again, I have NO idea why my opinion mattered.)

Anyway, it quickly became racist as he, unprovoked, told me more details. How they met. The weird racial aspect that attracted them. The tabooness. The on/off. The way their cultures literally don't match up at all. He kept insulting her, too, and calling her slurs and the entire time I am just asking, "are you serious?" It was insane. I’d NEVER heard this side of him before. It's still insane to me now, ngl. I had seen his friends, he had black friends and gay friends, and so I just assumed brown people were also cool with him. NOPE. He called this poor woman that he apparently had loved, "Osama Bin Laden's daughter." It was sick.

When he finished his story I tore into him. Called him all kinds of names. Called him pathetic. Told him to leave that woman alone and to get his head out of his ass. He is no one important and no man, not even the dead OBL, would waste their time or get themselves sent to jail over a loser like him. Assassinations are for big political figures, not regular murders. (I did feel like that was important to point out because I full belly laughed when he said that because he had an entire battle plan drawn up in his head. Psycho.) And basically screamed at him. He hung up on me and I called him back to keep yelling lol.

Wildest thing is after I finished my angry rant he asked me if I'd ever forgive him for offending me and I said no. I told him I didn't respect him anymore and he broke down crying again. Fucking insane. Anyway, the next day he sent me a long ass screenshot of his notes app talking about how he would never kill me and to not worry about that. Another psycho, completely out of the blue shock to my system. I did not respond. I blocked him.

So yeah. That was my beautiful summer romance going out with an explosive BOOM.

Once back home, I moved out immediately and my landlord didn't hold me bc she was very understanding. I changed my number and now also have a DIFFERENT job THAT PAYS LESS because I wanted a clean start and for him to not know anything about me. He’d been to my place and after him mentioning murder, even if to said he wouldn’t do it (bro had to have been thinking about it to type that shit), it just wasn’t safe to keep any old ties. I blocked everyone who’d known me thru him on social media and felt safe after that. Until December when I found out that a creepy ass friend of his made a reddit of me that had my old info on it. I only found out about this reddit bc an idiot had tagged me in a post on facebook. So. Yeah. That was a fun (terrifying) rabbit hole to fall down. Always trust your gut, ladies. At this point, I've lived in 7 different cities in 4 years because I move IMMEDIATELY after I feel in danger. I think it's why I'm still alive, to be honest. I don't play.

In December, I was drowning in a harem of men and I couldn’t fathom who would have made that, so I assumed by some of the language that it had been my previous ex, the guy from March. I only assumed bc one post had an issue that he and I had and I’d forgotten that Mr Islamaphobe and I had had that problem, too. So I went in swinging after months of no contact with that ex. Lol. But it hadn’t been him. He helped me delete the reddit and was super nice tho which just made my heart all tender for him again. Sigh. After a lot of thought I deleted my social medias, too.

I don’t regret it at all.

Back to October tho, I felt pretty bitter after the whole ordeal. So the first week of November I decided fuck it. I want to drown in men. So I gathered a harem of men and I let the thought of real love rest for a bit. I wanted attention and a good time. I brought back the ex pro soccer player, added a doctor, added a musician, and also added a beef bot. These men all knew about each other. They knew they were in competition with one another and were begging to be chosen to be my bf which, after October, was really nice on my ego. So I basically spent Nov and December being doted upon by guys who were crazy about me but who I felt meh about. They weren’t as expressive at all and it was back to, “I am happy. You are pretty. This is fun.” It was disappointing ngl, but now that I’m aware of my needs, I’m definitely going to be more cognizant of finding men who match the level of expression I admire.

Randomly in mid December the beef bot got bored and ended it. Oddly enough, that made me sad. Sad enough that a guy who has been in my dms for yeaaaaars caught my attention. Feeling low, I gave in. I called him when I got to his place bc there was a lady tweaking outside and I wanted him to escort me in cuz she was scaring me. He REFUSED to and said he didn’t want to show me off in front of his friends??? He said I either walk up there alone or leave. So I left and went to the ex soccer players house and we spent the night together. Next morning Mr DMs is back in my dms apologizing and begging for another chance. I block him.

Ex soccer player and the doctor were the best contenders and both were great at sex. Basically had the same personality. The musician was late to a date and had the audacity to get mad at me for leaving. He even said I stood HIM up because I left when he was, “just five min away.” Lmao. I blocked him.

It all came to a close on New Years Eve when the doc and ex soccer player both invited me to clubs. I had already told them both I was spending New Years Eve alone and going to bed by 9pm. They both tried to convince me and, heart broken from having my old wounds reopened with my ex due to the stupid reddit thing, I broke up with both of them on New Years Eve.

So my New Year started man-free and I am planning on 2023 being a no dating year. It is just so exhausting. Even the guys who aren’t bad men feel more like chores than lovable companions. I looked at my deleted messages and saw that these dudes and I had sent hundreds, one guy even over two thousand, text messages to one another in the span of two months. Crazy. I can’t say I regret it cuz I cut them off as soon as they annoyed me and I really enjoyed all the attention I got, but it was tiring. Don’t know if I’d want to juggle another harem of men, that's a question I'll let my future self figure out because overall it was fun.