Reflections of my 2024 scrotation

2024 was a busy year and 2025 hasn’t let up at all. I am EXHAUSTED. Writing this update like I usually do every year is always fun, but god it’s been such a long year. So many stories and things that happened. Whew.  I usually update in January but it was so busy recovering from Christmas and New Year’s then we had a blizzard and THEN we have had the Orange Turd in power and it’s just been a non stop barrage. This month isn’t any freer yet if I don’t do this now I will literally never get around to it lmao.

I read somewhere last year that some of y’all have SPREADSHEETS?! Yeah. I copied that tactic and I’m so glad I did. It makes it so easy to track. If not for my notes I wouldn’t have any idea who my exes were or why my exes became exes lmao. I literally cannot remember the faces and jobs of boyfriends one and two because it’s been so long so I don’t think I’d have remembered to even add them in here. Let alone the tally sheet for how many times I got asked out.

Fun fact: the most common name among the guys who asked me out was John or some variation of it. In fact, two of my exes this year were named John.

Times I was asked out: 110

First dates: 19

Second dates: 7

Third dates: 5

Total boyfriends: 5

No dating apps were used. I met these men around town when I was out and about. I had a roster when single and tried to go on 1-2 first dates each week, deciding to only take fun dates or nice dinners out. Fun dates consisted of fun activities like bowling, mini golf, top golf, arcades, etc.. Most guys who asked me out were no where near my type or desired age range and were rejected without a second thought. Of those that were my type and age range yet were still rejected, they just asked for coffee or to hang out. I did not bother with them.

Almost 20 got first dates, but less than 10 got second dates because I was surprisingly unimpressed by the fun first dates and really only got to know the guys who chose dinner dates. Sitting down and getting their full attention is definitely my preferred way of dating. I’m not complaining because I had a good time regardless, but the fun dates seem better suited to things you do with a boyfriend you’re already emotionally connected to rather than a guy you just met. Going bowling with my boyfriend is a lot of fun, but as a first date it was awkward and too loud to really get to know them. Every guy asked for exclusivity by the third date and I thought that was fair because by the end of the second date I basically knew whether I wanted to be exclusive, too.

My biggest goal this year for dating was to leave the minute I wasn’t having fun or didn’t see enough pros to outweigh the cons. That’s why I went through so many so quickly. My shortest relationship was with boyfriend 2. Dating to Boyfriend to Ex was literally 14 days on the dot lmao. My longest, and my current, relationship is 7 months and counting. Being with him is so much fun. Life with him is better than life without him, as it should be. 😌💅🏼

♐️ Boyfriend One: 25. He was a gentleman who took me on fancy dates. Never really asked me to hang out or anything beyond dates which was weird once exclusive. It was overall fun until he tried to stop me from taking my biannual camping trip with my friends because “how can I protect you from the bears, durr durr?!” I dumped him. 🙄 Of course the scrotes think bears are gonna attack, yet my friends and I go camping multiple times a year and have NEVER even seen a wild bear. We literally went to Shenandoah National Park last year that’s known for its black bears and saw zero. I couldn’t believe the audacity! Came back a month later begging for a second chance which I denied. Every year I date white collar guys and get the ick when they act like wussies afraid of the outdoors. Every year I keep accepting dates thinking they could be different. Every year I’m proven wrong.

Lesson learned: stop wasting time with men who aren’t into the outdoors.

♍️ Boyfriend Two: 26. Great for the entire non exclusive phase then turned into a literal psychopath who said he’d kill himself if I didn’t sleep with him the same day we became exclusive. 🤢 Dumped him in less than 24 hours after agreeing to be his girlfriend. That’s a new record for me, ngl. Surprise, surprise. He DIDN’T kill himself cuz crazies never actually do. It’s a shame he still walks the Earth.

Lesson learned: reinforced the sage advice to never let a man know where you live before you are sure you trust him and to never have sex with a man just cuz you’re exclusive. Saved me a LOT of trouble.

♓️ Boyfriend Three: 25. We spent almost 5 months together having a blast, traveling often, and were going strong until I found out he was hiding from me the age of his parents!!! He said his father had died tragically when he was younger and I just assumed it was an accident or something but NO. HIS FATHER DIED OF ALZHEIMER’S BECAUSE HE WAS OLD AS SHIT. 😡 And so is his mother. I had already told him MONTHS before I don’t like people who choose to be geriatric parents because of how their kids are affected and lo and behold this mother fucker chose the most VULNERABLE time to tell me the truth. We were in another country on a couples holiday and he left me there because I “disrespected” his family by reacting in such a negative way to learning his mother is in her late 60’s! He’s only 25! I’m 24 and my mom isn’t even 50 yet. Ugh, it still grosses me out now. Blegh.

It didn’t help my “go to the gym 3 days a week and eat a balanced, healthy diet” grandmother had recently died at 71, too. Technically, he broke up with me when he jetted away, but if he’d been honest from the start about his family we’d have NEVER EVER EVER dated. Like. Ever. I made it home safe and sound because I had been to this country by myself alone before and knew the language, but it was really shitty of him to waste my time like that. For those wondering, I still enjoyed the vacation because he paid for it and where better to enjoy being freshly single than a gorgeous tropical island with a bar credit for two and prepaid excursions? Lmao.

I will also add, he was one of two boyfriends I had sex with last year because it takes me a while even after exclusivity to really feel safe enough to have sex. He did all the right things: waited until I was ready, no pushing, and, when I was ready, planed a romantic weekend away to set the mood. He killed it in the romance department even though the sex left me completely unsatisfied as he had a micropenis (4in long/ 3in girth) so he could only get me off with his hands. He was extremely wealthy which made it harder for me to break up with him because he still was able to make me orgasm, but just not in the satisfying way a large penis can. I hemmed and hawed about it a lot more than I probably should have but he was WEALTHY wealthy. Had he less money I’m pretty sure I’d have just told him to go away as soon as his pants dropper, but thankfully we broke up only a few weeks later so I didn’t have to tell him his dick was small!

This did lead me to having sex earlier with my current boyfriend because I didn’t want to be so disappointed.

Lesson learned: NEVER travel outside the country with a boyfriend. Ever! And also meet the parents sooner rather than later.

♎️ Boyfriend four: 22. He did nothing wrong, per se. 🫤 It just became glaringly obvious he and I were incompatible the longer we dated due to the development gap. I’m well established and well traveled, he’s not. It was exhausting feeling more like a mentor than a girlfriend. He’s not a bad person, but he definitely has growing up to do.

Lesson learned: don’t date men who aren’t as well established.

♈️ Boyfriend five: 23. He is my current boyfriend and so far he’s been nothing short of amazing. 🤩 He’s displayed months of consistently high value and gentlemanly behavior. I’m not saying he’s earned HVM status yet, that’ll come after a few years married when he’s truly comfortable, but so far so good. I am very happy with him and he treats me very well. I’m excited to see where our journey takes us as we’re incredibly compatible lifestyle wise and it’s going to be fun to hit the same milestones together. Our politics match, our values match, our humors match, our personalities match, our likes and dislikes match, and our short term and long term goals match, too. We like the same foods, the same music, and have the same style. We’re basically the same person in male and female form. Even my dog, who loathes men, absolutely adores him and even runs to him for cuddles when he stays the night. It’s very eye opening as she’s always been an avid man hater. She even knows the sound of his car alarm when he comes over so she runs to greet him at the door. 🥰 He wakes me up with breakfast in bed every time I sleep over at his house. We have weekly date nights he plans and pays for. He’s met my friends and family and I’ve met his, we all get along. He’s the kind of man who helps little old ladies cross the street and helps random dudes move furniture if they’re struggling.

Unlike my third boyfriend, the sex with five is absolutely amazing and his dick is huge! 8in long and 7in girth. I rushed sex two months after we became exclusive. I usually wait longer, but I’m glad I didn’t. We’re both high libido so our sex life is very fulfilling. If I want to just cuddle all day he’s down, if I want to go 5 times in a day he’s down, too. I’ve never had such a sexually compatible partner before and it’s absolute perfection. I didn’t know such bliss existed. I’ve dated men who have said they are high libido yet I’d have to beg to have sex more than two to three times a week. Naturally, it’s made me think the best I’d get would only ever be two to three times a week and that I’d never truly be fully satisfied sexually. So imagine my delight that every single time I want sex my boyfriend is down. And not only is he down, but he’s phenomenal in bed. The glee I feel is palpable and I’m still riding this high five months later lmao.

During my period is really the only time I have low libido and while I still get horny, I don’t feel well enough for sex. Does my beau mind? Not at all. He’ll buy me period products (my EXACT brand, style, and size), plug in my heating pad, rub my back or feet, make all my favorite foods, and just love on me while we ride it out together. He’s incredibly considerate and thoughtful when I get sick, too, buying me medicine, making me soup, and doing chores around my house, like dishes or laundry. He’s just a sweetie pie.

Lesson learned: high libido men DO exist and are awesome.

___

Definitely an interesting beginning to 2025! I think I’ve found my future husband and father of my kids y’all. Obvi I’m not going to stop vetting, but until his behavior changes there’s really nothing for me to vet for except consistency. This month marks our 7th month together and our relationship just keeps getting better. I hope next year my 2025 recap will be me saying I’m engaged. 😉

Edit: To add, I knew the part about my ex’s and current bf’s dicks would rub scrotes and pickmes the wrong way. Anyone from OG FDS would understand how triggering it is to scrotes and pickmes for women to be honest how shitty teeny dicks are and to prefer dicks that actually provide a good sexual experience and orgasms. https://open.spotify.com/episode/33Cmh3reXCPKsMrNnAuaEi?si=Dcb-OOM3QZ-q1Flsg8qbYA&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A1yEtiYEtlLyutV8w3jpeTZ 35:25 It’s literally been a topic as old as time on FDS and no one who’s leveled up is gonna give a shit about a woman preferring to orgasm. Lmao. If you got triggered you need to level up more. And in the words of my beloved Reaux: “Where’s the problem, sis?”