Q: Speed dating vs OLD? A: Scrotes are still scrotes

I gave up OLD earlier this year and it was the right decision. Being less exposed to garbage men has had a positive effect on my emotional wellbeing. I’ve 80% given up on finding a partner but the remaining 20% is optimistic, if that’s possible. So, sometimes I go speed dating.

I’ve been to three speed dating events over the last three months. They were ‘fun’ in the moment inasmuch as sometimes it’s nice to get dressed up and go out at night and mingle with people you don’t know. At every one of these events I’ve had great conversations with the other women, many of them despairing in a ‘why are men so shit?!’ tragicomic way.

I want to share with you how LV the men have been - they are no better than the scrotes I used to come across on OLD.

After the first event, I matched with one man. He did the right thing and contacted me quickly after we received our matches the next day, and asked me out on a dinner date. He had only just moved to the area so I picked a restaurant I wanted to go to on my side of town. I was running 5min late so I texted to let him know and he responded, ‘that’s ok. I’m waiting outside’. I was annoyed immediately. I can’t stand it when men do this. Why can’t they just go inside, get the table, get the menu, get the water, pour it for both of us and be ready? Do you need me to be there to do this?! Do you need me to guide you into the restaurant and find our table like you’re a goddamn child?! So, already I’m irritated.

The food was delicious and I’m glad I went, for that reason alone. He paid. I had decided very straighfowardly during the date that there wouldn’t be another. I said goodbye and he walked me to my car.

When I got home there was a missed call from him and a text message: ‘Can you call me?’ I called him, and the conversation went along the lines of,

Me: hey, what’s up?

Him: I feel bad about going home tonight. I’m really lonely; I miss my family back home; can I stay at your house tonight? I won’t touch you; I just don’t want to go home.

Me: no

Him: ok, I understand

Me: bye

I should have blocked then and there but I wasn’t yet adequately schooled in FDS principles. I honestly didn't think I'd hear from him - I assumed (like a normal human being) that he would wake up the next morning ashamed of himself.

The next day I’m out all day and I didn’t look at my phone until late afternoon. There were two messages from him: ‘hey, how’s your day?’, followed a few hours later by, ‘is everything ok? did my strange request last night ruin everything between us?’ I responded, ‘I’ve been out today. At any rate, I can’t see any romance potential between us. Best wishes’. He responded, ‘Oh, I guess my one strange request really ruined everything’. I didn’t respond.

His next message is where the mask came off, and boy was it revealing. It’s not like we need anymore evidence, but it does show in stark clarity how much LVM see us as non-humans whose compliance/companionship/sex they feel entitled to by simply buying us some food: ‘It’s not ok for you to not pay for dinner, just like it’s not ok for you to ignore me now. You should have offered to pay. I want my money back’. Of course I blocked him then.

The second speed dating event was a different age bracket, and probably better for me in that sense. I matched with five men, all of whom nonethless turned out to be LVM.

Two of them generously explained via text the next day that they want me as a FWB. Immediately blocked.

Another texted 48 hours later with, ‘hey X, how are you?’ I responded gingerly, ‘I’m fine, how are you?’, to which he responded, ‘fine, just chilling with Netflix’. Immediately blocked for laziness.

The 4th sent a nice text message with an invitation to ‘coffee and cake’ or ‘dinner’ so obviously I chose dinner. My god, I didn’t think to google the restaurant beforehand! Lesson learnt. It was a canteen style buffet vegan affair. I mean the food was nice, but seriously?! For a first date? Ladies, it will not surprise you when I tell you that he didn’t offer to pay. He also talked at me for most of the meal.

The 5th guy also texted, but didn’t ask me out until a few days later when he weakly suggested ‘we should talk on the phone’ or ‘catch-up for another speed date 😄’ Unimpressed, I ignored those messages and then the next day he texted with a proper date invitation to brunch with crosswords (because we both like crosswords). A couple days later he texted to confirm time and place. He told me the suburb he lived in and asked where I lived. I told him my suburb and then, in a breathtaking display of thoughtlessness, he suggests a cafe in his suburb. I live at least 45min-1hr away. Why ask where I live if you have no intention of taking it into consideration when suggesting a venue? I laughed to myself, then blocked and deleted.

At the third speed dating event, there weren’t as many men, and the calibre was very low (one unkempt guy mansplained many things to me, another managed to mention sex, another mansplainer with bad breath smiled creepily as he tried to explain my workplace culture to me). There was, however, 1 standout man who I thought was possibly HV, handsome and very easy and interesting to talk to. I was very happy to see the next morning that we had matched. And yet, I never heard from him.

In summary, scrotes be scroting, no matter where you find them. Over and out from the battlefront.