Not taking it to “next level” and moving goal posts for moving in

A young family friend 19/20 is going through some issues recently and here are some of my observations of her and her scrote boyfriend. We’ll call her Bunny.

When I was around Bunny’s age, I had a bit of a pickmeisha phase and so did a few of my friends and acquaintances. Sometimes you need a bit of time and experience to get out of that toxic mindset. Basically she seems to be in a bit of a pickme phase.

Bunny does a lot of things, not because they’re good for her or what she wants but because she thinks it’ll get her picked. She works out a lot(more than trainers tell her she needs to), buys things for her boyfriend, tries to like his boring hobbies (Roblox), etc.

Bunny lived with family but it wasn’t not a great environment and it was quite cramped. So she’s been wanting to move out and she thought her best bet would be her boyfriend. For months she’s been saying, ‘soon we’ll be living together(in his family’s home) it’ll be great.’ I think it comes from a desire of wanting to spend more time with him.

When she gets off of work, she likes to pick up food he likes and she initiates most of their quality time together.

In the past few weeks, due to issues with the house, everyone has had to move out. It seems those issues won’t be resolved any time soon so everyone in her household is looking for a new place to live.

So Bunny is (maybe) temporarily living elsewhere. She gets to temporarily save on rent she has a couple free home cooked meals most days.

First, all Bunny could talk about was her boyfriend and how she’s only waiting on his cousin to be forced to move out because he doesn’t pay rent. And she’s willing to pay rent! And she’ll be sharing the room with her bf so she wouldn’t even take up too much space in the house. The way she talks about it is like she’s stuck trying to convince everyone around her. I imagine that’s how she talks to scrote.

Then, the goalpost changed from that to Scrote asking his parents for permission. Scrote’s dad said ‘sure’ and his mom took a few days to think about it. Finally, she said, ‘only if you don’t find somewhere else to live.’

For months now, Bunny would go back and forth between saying they would live at his family’s place to saying they would find a small affordable studio to share.

Recently, we found out last month that Bunny thought she was pregnant (missed period, general symptoms) and he still didn’t want to live with her.

She thinks that if he had more career ambitions, he would want her more. She doesn’t like his boss because of “cultural divides” and thinks a better work environment or job would make things better. She makes applications for him and submits them online. She delivers paper applications to workplaces that still take them. She talks to everyone she knows if they know a place that’s hiring where he could work at. Still, he doesn’t want to leave his job and told her so but still gave her permission to do all that.

Bunny asked scrote about marriage and he said he “wouldn’t even think about it” until a long time after they lived together. Bunny is eager to take it to the next step, I think, as they already took it to the next step intimacy-wise and he was her first.

The moral of the story is, if he wanted to, he would. He’s fine with her spending weekends with him but he doesn’t seem particularly interested in making things more serious or considering what she wants for the future. I don’t know if he keeps her at a distance because of internal issues or other women in his life. But it seems like he’ll continue moving the goalposts and delaying taking the next step.

That is, until he wants to save on rent until he finds his dreamgirl.

I tried talking to her (gently, I don’t want to shame her) and let’s see if she snaps out of it.