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Surprisingly, we met through work at my previous place and not OLD. I think it's safe to finally tell FDS what happened after the "fire has settled" and that I've left this place AGES ago lol
In short, he was a food blogger/lifestyle influencer with about 10-15k followers. His instagram and other platforms were a bit cringey since he had inspirational quotes that resembled a Pinterest board which was not on brand. His platform displayed content of what he did in the city. This would consist of pop-up places, restaurants, and festivals in the city which were low key.
Out of the blue, he asks me out on a date in the coming weekend and I agree. Everything seemed to be going well since he picked a place. He was hyping this asian restaurant known for their fried chicken. This is where it gets weird when I showed up. Turns out we didn't have to pay for dinner since he was promoting the restaurant. I never knew about this arrangement, otherwise I wouldn't have gone. So I ended up arriving first due to traffic. He gave me the reservation information. By this point, I am starving. I waited 10 minutes, and decided to order food for myself since idk when he's showing up. I ended up ordering a plate of fries and a coke. All of a sudden, I get a text from asking him if I ordered and I said yes. He doesn't reply, but instead shows up. He looks perplexed and he had to talk to the owner. He finally tells me that there's a set menu prepared for us and that I wasn't supposed to order things off menu. Now, we're going to have to be responsible and pay for what was ordered separately. At this point, I didn't realize that he was promoting the restaurant and was compensated with the free promoted food and me ordering my drink and fries no longer makes it free. Besides my fries, I could not eat anything from the prepared menu. Apparently, the restaurant did not want him to promote their chicken, but instead their special live seafood menu which was only available for a limited time. Anything raw and still moving makes me makes me squeamish, and I have a weak stomach. To be really honest, all the meat I've ever ate is cooked, and I've been taught by family about parasites and tapeworms found in raw food. For the duration of dinner, I'm sitting there with my plate of fries. He on the other hand, is mocking me. He's like "we have all this food and you choose to eat fries, my gosh". He says that I'm not adventurous and a picky eater. I do feel a little disheartened, but I honestly, can't do it. So I just stare at him as he ate and tried to laugh it off.
I'm angry because, I had gotten ready, came down town, and made time for him. I took time out of my weekend to go on this shitty date which is now basically work, and something that I was not aware of, and would have declined. In some ways, I felt like I was exploited and lied to.
It was a turn off for me. In his head, he thought he was being efficient, by taking this girl out on a date, and not having to pay for it. In addition, it was productive since it was also work. Furthermore, I should be grateful for free food. Unfortunately, this is where our philosophies do not align. I'm the type of person that loves to treat myself and I don't mind spending money on myself at the end of the week. I don't accept things just because it's free. I felt so robbed that day. Not only was I unable to nourish my body and practice self-care, I felt restricted, and was not able to unwind.
The funny thing was when the bill for my fries and coke came out, he said that he would split the fries with me since he had some. But I had to pay for my coke. Omg this guy can't even afford to pay $12 for my portion and wanted to go halfsies on the fries. Anyways, I agreed to it, and just went home.
After that, I still had to talk to him because he held a higher position in the company. He would still ask me out to other venues, and I'd just make up excuses to not go. Eventually, he understood and just stopped asking me out, thank goodness.
Never again. It's certainly made me rethink the whole idea of influencers. Some of them seem to have this luxurious care free lifestyle (and maybe they do), but it's not as free as you think. Like this guy, his posts did not match the reality and lifestyle he currently possesses.
I just left that place thinking that I could never do what he does and live with those constraints to just get a free item (that I may not even want). I truly need to be with someone who is willing to spend on me (even if it's not as often). My weekends are sacred, and I selectively choose what and who I want to see. Above all, I need men to be honest with me and their intentions. Had he told me that this date was a promotional event, I would have handled it differently. Yes, there was a high chance I would have not attended the event, but I would not have been left with this annoyance, anger, and just caught off guard.
FDS, what do you think about this situation? Despite this date was a promotional event, and I was still being technically fed, should I have not been too hard on him? I still wonder if it would have been different had I enjoyed myself and the food at the event... would I excuse this behaviour, or not see it as a big issue had I enjoyed myself?
Would you date influencers? Would you be okay with going to a promotional event as a date?
In my eyes, he's LV since he just wants a free meal and he's willing to work for it. Loosely thinking, is this what people do? We work for food, so why shouldn't this be any different?
I'm sensing that I may be acting snobby since he didn't pay for it. Something about this free meal makes me unhappy. I think that it goes deeper with his character, and that he just willingly accepts things because it's free, and I'm not like that.
You spelled it out yourself:
" In his head, he thought he was being efficient, by taking this girl out on a date, and not having to pay for it. In addition, it was productive since it was also work. "
He's treating a date the same way as a business transaction. Don't doubt yourself; he did not give you the date you deserve. Who does something like this? I could maybe see this looking slightly better if he had presented it differently from the beginning...
"Hey, this restaurant is giving me this fun oppurtunity this weekend to try out their new live seafood menu for free. It is a promotional deal, so I'll also be there making content for my page, but I would love to have your company. If there's something else you'd prefer on the menu, feel free to get what you'd like - it'll be separate from the promotion, but it'll be my treat."
I still think it's better to go on a proper date that isn't mixed with 'business' like that, but that presentation sounds far more attractive than him showing up late to find out you didn't realize he was being a cheap ass trying to 'efficiently' kill two bids with one stone.
Live raw seafood is also not something the typical person is into, at least in the area I'm from. He seems dumb for not being upfront about that to begin with to make sure you're on the same page - people have all sorts of different dietary restrictions. What if you were vegan, allergic to fish, etc.
He made you into a cog in his little "side hustle" scammy lifestyle-pseudo-job. This would be ok if he were doing it with friends or business partners. But he just knew that a free meal existed and thought "hey why not, zero effort." His goal in taking you on this shitty date was to save money "with this one simple trick" and "come out ahead."
That's the whole mindset I'm seeing. Yuck. This is not romantic at all. This was not about getting to know you, showing you that he likes you and thinks you're special, showing you he wants to treat you right. This was about him saving like $5. YOU KNOW WHAT FDS THINKS SIS B AND D.
The mere fact that he thought a live seafood menu didn't require a prior warning would be a total dealbreaker to me anyway. That's not something you just spring on people, even if it will just be you eating it. I don't even want to WATCH someone eat that.
Clapping for the first part of this, where you held onto your self-worth and threw him back into the sea. The part where you start doubting yourself, not so much. But hey, I've been there.
So NO, Queen, you are not being unreasonable. He showed himself to be LV. Too bad, but nothing unexpected these days. The only thing that would surprise me at this point would be for a man to show up HV and remain that way.
Back to the drawing board. This guy's not worth your time.
But I did so love your story, and I think you have a great writing style.
This doesn't sound like a date at all. It sounds like a work event. Which I guess it was, for him! What a scrote! Even if it had been food you could eat, this whole thing stinks like shit. Don't go near this loser again.
As soon as disrespect is served you should have walked out, He is a micro influencer, probably has a lot of money, and has the nerve to ask you out to a restaurant where he promites it to avoid paying for dinner, He didn't even bother to ask you before hand If you wanted anything on the promoted menu.
Men who operate without your consent will also demand paternity tests out of nowhere, will also leave you in the dark or leave you with the shortest end of the stick.
He has shown that he is dishonest, I hate people who show what their intentions are when its too late to say anything about it. This is narcism.
I have dealt with people like that, When its my turn to treat they say nothing, but when It's their turn to treat they make their intentions known and become very stingy.
When when I meet them at an amusement park they arrive empty handed with the idea that I need to cover the costs of their spendings. Lol bye. Never again will I meet up with people like that.
You should have said " Delete my number, you crossed the line when you started mocking me" You have a right to be angry.
This brings me "fond" memories of the first guy that ever asked me out. I was in my late teens, he picks me up and tells me I can choose between 2 restaurants, both of which I don't like. He tells me too bad, they're my only options because he gets a discount since he works at those chains.
Part of me is super offended but too young to know what to do about it. We go eat and head to play pool after. At this point I'm so annoyed at this guy who's proving to be boring and arrogant at the same time that I sink all my balls on my first round (I'm only good at sports when I'm angry). He's so shocked that he won't be able to show me his greatness at pool he's quiet the rest of the date.
Taking men down a peg- 10 out of 10. Would do again.
I dated a “micro” influencer. He had about 7-8k followers. Turns out a lot of them were fake and he was paying for them. Also turn out he was using his following as a way to meet a lot of girls. I guess in his mind once girls saw he had followers they would want to be with him.
No you're seeing it the right way.