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Hi ladies hope your week is going good.
I came on here because I wanted to talk about a fucked up situationship I was in earlier this year and how I discovered this man was a chronic liar. Before we even started dating, I was really on the fence about him, mostly because im 23 and have been employed for 2 years and he's 21 and still in uni. I personally thought that we were incompatible bc we were in completely different life arenas but other people convinced me that the age gap was no big deal. He came on strong by asking me out the first day we met ( I initially rejected him bc of the age thing but changed my mind later after being convinced to date him by a friend). Here's where the fuckshit starts. He gives me, according to him, a "handmade necklace" made especially for me by him for my birthday (it was a flat copper stripped coiled into a flat spiral secured to a thick thread with some beads on it) before we started dating. Nothing fancy but I never had a guy make a piece of jewelry for me before so I was flattered, plus this guy was a broke college student so I wasn't exactly expecting him to gift me Cartier. I appreciated the sentiment. You might be asking yourself "where's the fuckshit part?". Oh sweetie, I'm getting there.
The second gift he gets me is a sketchbook for valentines day. He says he bought it from his "artisan friend" who handbinds books. This was the first time I had recieved a gift for valentines day, so once again, I was taken in. Here's the thing though, this sketchbook was clearly not "handbound" at all. In fact I had recieved an ad for this exact shitty sketchbook from amazon a couple weeks ago. Link to the book here: https://www.amazon.ae/Sketchbook-Travelers-Notebook-Art-Sketching/dp/B09BNS4TMN/ref=sr_1_11?crid=LEP0LDQ5UE31&keywords=leather+journal&qid=1686249089&sprefix=leathe+journal%2Caps%2C216&sr=8-11 A day later I confronted him about this (not in a hostile way). He said "huh, weird" and insisted that he bought it from his artisan friend. Somehow my dumbass chose to ignore this even after listening to every FDS episode from day 1. Maybe there really is no hope for women /j.
The third gift was a "hand carved" wooden pen. It was a pen with a wood finish that had grooves in it that he claimed to have carved himself at a workshop. He also, without persmission, pulls out his camera whilst im looking at the pen and gets me to take a picture with it.
A month later he tells me he doesn't want to continue hanging out at the cafe we usually hang out at, and instead he wants to go somewhere more "private". This fucker hasnt even asked me to be his gf yet and he expects me to get in bed with him lmfao. I politely decline and say we should continue meeting in public spaces. (Side note: we both live with our parents so going somewhere more private would mean renting a hotel room, and I absolutely would never agree to that because I refuse to be treated like a prostitute). 4 days after radio silence he breaks up with me and says "he's not ready for a relationship". I was sad for a month and a half after this point. That was until the other day when I snooped around and found his sister's youtube channel. Her last upload was a video of him WEARING THE NECKLACE THAT HE ALLEGEDLY HAND MADE FOR ME. The video was uploaded 2 months before we even met.
I connected the dots and realized that he had lied about not just the sketchbook, but the necklace and probably the pen and probably a bunch of other shit too. And to this moment I still cannot figure out why. I would have appreciated those things regardless but I think he thought that if I thought they were handmade just for me that it would be easier for him to get with me. its still so fucking bizarre though.
btw he mentioned during the breakup that he needed therapy. yeah you sure fucking do buddy. Some other red flags this guy exhibited:
online friend that he talked about incessantly
he's a production arts major but was dead serious about wanting to become an astronaut. actual child.
talks major shit about his exes and called them crazy and even showed screenshots of their private text messages (i endured this bc he promised to take me to a musical that same month, i was going to break it off with him after he took me to see it lol)
had 3 failed relationships within the previous year.
took too long to commit
short
Anyways I'm so glad I didnt ask him when we were going to be official bc the bf gf label would have made me feel "secure" enough to be sexually intimate with him.
Can someone please explain why moids lie like this?
Most LVM are all about getting sex from women with minimal effort on their part. Once you realise this, so much of their behaviour makes sense. It definitely sounds like that was what this man was up to. He figured he'd give you a few cheap gifts (see minimal effort on his part) and lie to you that they were homemade in order to impress you. He was hoping that you'd be bowled over with his romantic gesture and fall into bed with him. When his plan didn't work i.e. you didn't fall into bed with him, he dumped you. Don't take it personally, you're probably not the first woman he's tried this nonsense on and you probably won't be the last.
All of the other comments are right: He was just conning you to get sex without having to make any real effort. It's so cold and calculating when they do this. They also do it because they get off on thinking they're smarter/better than you. This guy was a true narcissist.
I wanted to add: Congrats for saying no when he tried to get you alone! Good job!
And sadly a warning: This bullcrap doesn't stop when they get older. The lies get bigger though, such as, "I'm divorced," "I can drive a car," "No I am not a drug addict," etc., but are mostly lies about being married.
My guess is that he’s a narcissist who was hoping to con you just enough so that you’d sleep with him. All the narcs I’ve know are incredibly deceptive and manipulative and will say anything to get their way. That he claimed he had a central part in each gift’s creation (centering himself and narc grandiosity) says it all, imo.
All of what you wrote about him screams narc to me, especially the part about him taking a pic of his “handmade” gift and badmouthing his exes (projecting and triangulating)…just ugh.
As other commenters have stated, he wanted sex for nothing. If you haven't done so, block and delete him (phone number, emails, social media, all of it) and make sure he never contacts you again. As we all know, there are creeps who will stalk you years after the fact.
I knew a pathological liar when I was in school. He lied about everything and anything, even about details that didn't matter. At the time, we all thought he was harmless. But guess what? He cheated on his then-wife, gaslighted her to hell and back, and married the woman he cheated on his wife with. Little lies add up to big lies. It sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Going forward, I would recommend expecting more expensive gifts from a man who wants to date you. Any man who does not give you expensive gifts is automatically LV. Even if he is a student.
Here's another anecdote: in high school, I knew a boy who liked his girlfriend. He saved his paychecks from his after-school job and bought her a ruby necklace and earrings worth hundreds of dollars just because. It was not a holiday, her birthday, etc., and he was not having sex with her.
This is the level of dedication we should all expect. If a 16-year-old boy can do it, so can a grown man. If he wanted to, he would.
Cheap gifts are a symbol of how a man feels about you. Avoid men who give you only cheap gifts, no matter how "poor" they are. After all, if they really are that poor, they shouldn't be dating.
Men will say and do anything to get women into bed.
That’s your answer.
Well done resisting him and getting wise to his bullshit.