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I hate mentioning church here but that's where it happened, so I feel it's necessary. I don't know if I was wrong or right, or neither.
Shortly before the service, I was sitting peacefully in the second pew, when a man a couple pews behind me was saying "excuse me miss." I eventually turned my head around and realized it was aimed toward me. I got up to see what he wanted and he asked me if I could throw some papers in the trash for him (the papers were in his hand). For a split second, I thought to myself, "What would FDS recommend?" So I said (trying not to sound snappy), "Why don't you throw it away yourself?" And he kind of didn't like the question, and said "Because I'm asking you to." And then said, "Because I don't know where it is." (that is, the trash bin)
I said "Oh," and reluctantly took the papers and looked for a trash bin, and couldn't find any, except one that was in the bathroom. A part of me wondered, was I being rude to him when I asked him why he couldn't do it himself? For what it's worth, he had been sitting in his pew for at least an hour before the service started. I was there too but not sitting there at the time (I was in the confession line at the back, which was long); I had seen him from a distance, sitting in his pew. Couldn't he have tried to find the trash bin before? Better yet, couldn't he have waited to throw the papers away?
Don't do stuff like this for men. You're not his servant or maid.
Next time tell him to get up, open his eyes and look for the trash himself.
Yes this was a scrote issue and the “because I ask you” reeks of entitlement.
He could have said he’s disabled or he could have asked you where the bin was if he couldn’t find it.
Being socialised for niceness is understandable, but you shouldn’t have complied.
“Because I’m asking you to” is absolutely ridiculous. That’s what a parent says to a child. I would’ve completely gone silent, walked away and gone about my business.
Assuming that the man wasn't elderly or disabled there isn't any reason why he couldn't have thrown the papers away himself. A lot of men are socialised to believe that women only exist to serve them, especially if she's a single woman with no children. It sounds to me like that was what this man was thinking.
To your questions-yes of course he could have tried to find it himself & he could have waited. You already know that this man’s request was inappropriate & weird.
In situations like this, what has helped me is slowing down. I am a friendly, high energy & generally helpful person & I’ve realized plenty of people see me as someone who they can take advantage of. So when someone requests something of me, I take an extra second to think-is this my responsibility? Is it something only I can help with? How do I politely (or impolitely) say no?
So in your situation, I think I would have simply said “No, I’m sorry, I can’t help with that.” And immediately walked away. It’s not my responsibility to find out why he won’t do it himself, locate a trash can for him, point an employee out to him, give him an explanation of why I won’t do it, etc. Give him NOTHING to argue against.
Another little thing to keep in mind that helps me fight against the urge to help at my expense-“‘No’ is a complete sentence.”
Next time this type of thing happens: "No," then go sit back down.
Feel free to pretend to not understand (expression) or appear dumb like his question.
his first answer says everything.
don't second guess yourself. have the audacity without caring about other people's judgement.
and next time a man asks you to do something you don't want to do, say "no" and walk away.
If he wanted to know where the bin was, he would've asked you where it was.
"Excuse me, do you know where I can find a trash bin?"
But he didn't. He asked you to do it for him, and then got angry when you didn't immediately oblige.
As if you knew where all the trash cans were? This was a power move. He wanted to push a female around and you happen to be the single female in the vicinity.
"No thank you."
This is how I respond no matter what the request is.
Can you throw this away for me? Do you have the time? Do you have a moment? Can you move over so I can sit here? Can I have your number? Can I ask you a question?
"No thank you."
I agree with what everyone else said, and also:
You mentioned going to confession prior to this, and I don't know if that's Catholic-only, but I know for sure that (in my Catholic experience) after you get back to your pew after that sacrament, it's SUPER RUDE for someone to interrupt you, because that's your prayer and reflection time!!!
And he should have know that.
But that's just a random thought that occurred to me. The major takeaway, as others have pointed out, is that he looked around for a servant to take care of his stupid papers, saw a woman, and his simplistic thought processes (if you can call it "thought") did the rest.
WTAF. does his mommy still do his laundry too?
Men ☕️
No, you're not being rude. There are people that work and volunteer in church... he can go ask them.
this is just a random encounter in your life not worth noting