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i've been dating this guy for several months. he treated me well in person, organized thoughtful dates around activities that we both enjoyed, and generally goes out of his way to make my life easier. things were going great.
one day i was scrolling tiktok and came across a woman's video about dating. curious, i opened the comments and was stunned to see the first comment was written by the guy i was dating. in the comment, he asked the woman out on a date. i was absolutely speechless. it took me a couple of days to compose myself but i did manage to bring it up with him and told him how it made me feel. he apologized, deleted the comment, and said i wont have to worry about anything like that again. i was relieved we were able to resolve that so gracefully.
not soon after, he shared a video with me of a very pretty girl and his comment he posted on her video. there was another video i stumbled upon where he complimented the girl on her haircut. i also saw that he follows a lot of accounts that are basically softcore porn (his following list is public too). mind you, the comments were innocent and i believe he didn't have bad intentions, but i just could not ignore my gut feeling that there is something icky about his social media usage.
when he's with me, he treats me so well. but when he's not with me, i can't help wondering whether he's messaging other girls or looking at their content. he has already broken my trust and trust is a basic necessity in a relationship so i ultimately decided to end the relationship with him. i'm still mourning the loss of our relationship and what i envisioned our life to be like together, but i'm proud that i listened to my gut feeling and stopped betraying myself.
a man who is serious about dating you would not be following and interacting with so many girls on social media. he would not dare to risk the chance of losing you over meaningless social media engagements. this is basic bare minimum respect.
You’re seeing his alter ego, a side that will unveil itself once he knows he has you tied down. Good on you for breaking up with him.
I once found out that a male colleague was into bdsm scrolling through who he followed on instagram. I realized he had a slight fetish for tied up women, bikini models, and models in “stringy” attire that resembled being tied up. Lol 😂 I could never look at him the same way.
Can confirm, my NVX was like this. Absolute gentleman when around me but the mask slipped eventually to reveal that he was a cheating, deceitful, sex-buying, violent porn/hookup app addicted scrote behind my back. Softcore instathots are the tip of the iceberg.
I basically did not exist in his mind when we were not together so he had no qualms betraying me because I was out of sight, out of mind.
When I did my post break-up reflection over time, I saw that there were definitely red flags that I chose to ignore. They felt trivial at the time, but oh boy, did I learn my lesson. Red flags are still red flags regardless of the size.
These types of men will try to gaslight you into thinking that this is normal behavior and that it's you who needs to work on your self esteem, that you should stop being so insecure. If you stay with him, you will become exactly what he is projecting onto you--someone who is helplessly insecure and thrives on the validation of others (him). Because men who feel the need to follow and interact with women online are insecure. They are desperate for female attention and will have harems of women in their circle simply to feed their ego and to use against each other (and you) as a manipulation tactic. Don't go down that path. Block and delete as soon as a man acts shady online. Or better yet, don't date men with Instagram, TikTok, or Snapchat. I've found it's much easier that way since those sites are basically all pornsites for men.
Well done on sussing out his social media behavior. What a creep.
When a man shows you who he is, believe him.
Well done.
Good on you, for maintaining your standards.
It is basic respect. It’ll have likely have come out further in the relationship, towards you after the initial honeymoon phase.
UPDATE: he messaged to ask me why i thought we were incompatible and i told him it’d because it bothers me to see the girls he’s following and commenting on. instead of changing his behavior he CHANGED THE PRIVACY of his following list. i should not have told him because it will only make it harder for girls in the future to vet him 🤦♀️