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Deleted Hinge. Lasted about two months total. It wore me out, having to vet constantly and STILL have low value interactions.
Sure the interactions were quite brief if I determined they were lv but it still wore on me, being asked to coffee dates after 2-3days of chatting. Although minimal effort/attention was given it still required effort.
I kept vetting, unmatching, deleting. And I took it as a strong sign to leave when Hinge had my step brother in one of the "Stand Out" profiles. I was truly grossed out. Not only are we estranged but he is vv low value. It shocked me to see how normal he looked. He got lucky with some genes and is tall and would be considered attractive by most women unfortunately. And he'd be in the category of well dressed, very educated pool on Hinge which is a small pool and still infested with so many lv men. And I wondered how many normal looking men are like my brother. He's a Handmaids type misogynist with self hating beliefs. And a pathological liar and generally awful person.
I also unmatched/blocked about 4men in the last few days. It's almost impossible to build a roster with such lv pickings. The last straw was this guy who lied that he was open to dating outside his race/ethnicity. We had a good first date but I had my suspicions. We talked after the date, I pointedly told him that seeing as he's the first son of immigrants I reckon there were expectations. He assured me otherwise. And then I sensed a slow fade- he was "sick" on the day we were supposed to go out. Anyway, he finally fessed up and I blocked and deleted without responding.
But I honestly have a lot on my plate anyway and even with minimal effort it wasn't worth it. I kept deleting unmatching constantly. When you internalize FDS principles lv behavior is much more glaring, but even pre FDS i was/am very feminist, was never a fan of libfem principles, but FDS provided the affirmation and clarity I needed to stand by them.
Last straw was yesterday afternoon. Started chatting with this match. There was very light flirtatious banter at the beginning, and he seemed okay. I wanted to have a call in app and said so. Tbh I wanted to vet him more effectively before wasting even a day on him. He waited for me to call, red flag. He started negging shortly after. I was so immediately repulsed. Hung up and unmatched.
There were men who seemed to have hv traits initially but failed very quickly after a little vetting. I literally did not find one man who passed my vetting for up to a 4wks in two months.
Tbh I take full responsibility for this, because I went back on OLD against my better judgment. Sure maybe it works for some people but those are lottery winning odds. Online dating is bad for many reasons with very few upsides if any.
-commodification of women
-fosters laziness lv behavior from men
-low trust/credibility platform
-gave men unfettered and undeserving access to me.
I'm done. I have to go out if I want to meet people and I think that's for the best.
We all face the same thing, which tells me OLD always was and continues to be dumpster diving.
Yes, I completely relate. The guys outside are no better but at least I enjoy the time I spend with them before blocking, it's often spontaneous and they have no other choice to make efforts and impress me in order to have access to me, they have to work for it so they automatically treat me better. Before I delete a guy from OLD, I don't even have a good time I don't enjoy the conversation, they make me feel like shit because I can sense they are just seeing me as another option. Also, it gives predators that would have never had access to me, a way to get to me through OLD. I paid a high price for that in the past. It's like an additional risk that I don't need to take for the sake of getting a man. It is not worth it. I'll never come back to OLD. And exactly like you, every time I came back before, if was against my better judgement. Women should boycott OLD.
I also deleted most of my dating apps. I only kept Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, but I may delete those too. Hinge shows me the ugliest guys, and most of my matches don't even initiate conversation.
I used to think that it is impossible to meet a guy in real life, and I used to think the return on investment of dating apps was higher than going out. My views on that have changed because I found that I was spending over an hour on dating apps everyday. If I spent an hour going out everyday, I would be more likely to meet someone. If I only go out once a week, of course I'll find myself meeting more guys on dating apps.
So I'm going to try the irl thing and see how that goes. I'm also looking to make this the season of falling in love with myself. I'm not as focused on dating right now. Falling in love with myself and actively trying to make myself happy will pay dividends over my whole life. Most women die alone anyway so if I can figure out how to master self happiness, Ill be better off now and later. I think it'll take me 10 to 20+ years to meet a HVM so I'm buckling in for the long ride of being single.
OLD is filled with low effort losers and maybe a handful of HVM. Maybe? Lol. I wouldn’t take responsibility for LVM considering it’s not your fault these dudes fail to even meet the basic, bare minimum requirements for a happy, healthy relationship. I agree that you’ll find better matches in person mostly because I also find better matches in person. Take a break, cool down, and then check out your local singles scene. There’s nothing wrong with giving up on OLD, I’m sure most of us at this point have because it’s such a waste of time.
Girl, I hear you. I’ve been on the maddening merry go round of deleting apps then getting a spike of hope, reinstalling and then scrolling/ dealing with a bunch of scrotes. Rinse repeat. I think applying FDS strategies to OLD amplifies how much out there is dross/bad for us. I made a conscious choice last month to take a break from all the apps. I wanted to experience not feeling irrationally furious with nearly anyone with a cock! It’s definitely helped my frame of mind and I agree with your approach. I think going out there and living your ideal life is the best way to find HVM, and even if he doesn’t show up then you’re building an awesome life with awesome things that will boost your esteem and make you feel at peace. I can’t lie though, it gets lonely doesn’t it? It feels galling to come up against the same poor behaviour and scroll past/block and delete to preserve your sanity. Solidarity. I’m going speed dating next week to put my vetting into real life practise x
Never be available to a man who can find you while he sits on the toilet. Fuck OLD.
I agree with everything you’ve said and can relate so much to your experience. For me I actually feel that I get annoyed and tired of weeding through trash and also I get upset that these scrotes have access to my profile. Around the time I took a break from online dating is when I found FDS and after learning it’s principles I realized that I was in this annoyed mood and did not want to be surronded by scrote energy that I permanently deleted my account. I haven’t gone back since March and I honestly feel so much happier and healthier and realized I haven’t dated any man nor wasted anytime with scrotes since then. I still believe that I’ll either find my HVM in person or never at all. Before that scared me but now I’m excited to keep cultivating my ideal life away from men.
I deleted all of my OLD apps a couple weeks ago after another desastrous first date.
Unfortunately, where I live there is no singles scene, book clubs or even a bar / cafe where I could meet someone IRL. In the 4+ yrs I’ve lived here (small city in Germany) I havent even seen a single guy on the street who I thought was cute…
The dates I’ve went on were all with guys who lived about an hour away from where I live. Ugh.
I suppose with all the nvm/lvm losers on OLD, no men in my area and nowhere to meet any IRL I’ll have to be alone for the rest of my life.
I feel like in other countries (I’ve lived in the uk, us and Canada) it’s so much easier to meet men IRL, because theres also more activities where you could meet them.
How and where do you meet them IRL?
I only lasted 2 weeks on OLD before I had to delete it. I went on 4 dates with 2 guys. One guy was 16 years older than me and was about 80 lbs overweight. I thought maybe I'd give the guy a chance, and all went well until he took me to the Rocky Horror Picture Show where he worked backstage. He told me that when he saw Tim Curry at age 12, that was when he first realized he could kiss a man. Then he showed me pictures on his phone of him in a black bustier corset, fishnet stockings, heels, and a garter belt. I won an Oscar that night for my acting abilities making him think that was normal. 🤣 He also told me at dinner before the show that he'd been diagnosed as a narcissist in his 20s, and the 1st date we went to this very homosexual play that he laughed the entire way thru. Not sure why homosexual males are dating women, but they are. The other guy was a couple of years younger than me, very short, and had lied on his profile despite him making it seem like I needed to send him more pictures before our dates to prove I looked like my pictures. I'm tall, and of course, I look like my pictures. This guy wouldn't take no for an answer about going to the Omni Hotel after our 2nd date. I'm not a high class hooker, FFS! He kept bothering me after I blocked him, and even a year later he found me on Facebook. So no more OLD for me!🤣🤮
Good on you for deleting. I hope I don't sound rude, but I am flabbergasted that there are still FDS ladies who are doing online dating despite all the evidence that it isn't worth its weight in salt. It just doesn't work as it much as it used to before. When it first came out during the 90s, a lot of people thought it was for desperate people, but at least the majority of the users were nice normal folks who just wanted to find another way to meet other singles. It got more socially acceptable during the 2000s and maybe up to mid-2010s, but once late-2010s and 2020s hit, I think it all went downhill severely, quality-wise.
I'm not saying its impossible to find love online, but just that apps and websites that caters to dating and hooking up just isn't worth it anymore. You're better off accidentally running into the love of your life on a random forum or an online friend group, tbh!
OLD is a complete waste of our time and energy at this point. Every time I hear someone say "I know a few couples that met on line" blah blah blah I want to drop kick them across the universe. It's usually a pickme that's NEVER been OLD and has been married for 15 years and has zero clue what a majority of nem's are like. I hope soon enough most women boycott it. These scrotes deserve to be left with nothing but Russian sex bots and other creeps catfishing them.
I’ve had guys get my attention in patking Lots. come up to me at the beach after making eye contact. wasn’t dolled up or anything just groomed with flattering normal everyday clothes, no makeup. Sometimes I just go out somewhere and other times I would look at them and then give them a friendly smile which is sort of the “I don’t have a bf” sign. I think most people meet at gyms or work. It’s cringe but you can Tell by how people meet who’ve had affairs, where people meet who aren’t OLD. It’s like 90 percent the gym and work that it happens.
Fuck. Online. Dating.
I definitely think what you pmount out about the pool on OLD is legitimate. I think because attractive men basically have woke. Throwing themselves at them (because it’s so rare), if they are online they probably are viewing it like going on an escort website. Most men will say they want commitment and present themselves as serious when they aren’t. Theres good men on Hinge, even Tinder but its rare and online Lends itself to people treating each other cheap and all common courtesy is out the window. I had a man cancel a date once last minute because maybe the night before or 2 days before he had a first date and felt “so strong” about the women. I couldn’t believe that even my friends defended this by saying “sometimes men just know”. Um no, men don’t have super psychic abilities and its Extremely rude to cancel plans made over a week in advance at the last minute period. However if you even complain you’ll be treated like you signed up for the bad treatment because it’s online. That’s what did it for me, I remember thinking ‘oh okay, so people look at setting up online as a free pass to be treated cheap and like sh*t, forget it”. in person you’ll get men coming up to you who are disgusting, ego maniacs but of the pleasant ones probably a higher chance the man will put in some effort as it takes a little effort to begin with. Also you don’t hVe to waste your time Over text. I don’t know I just think OLD is depressing. You also tend to see 90 percent rejects
Yeah Hinge is full of LVM!
I just checked out my hinge profile and found that there was a slew of actually cute guys. I'm surprised because lately the dudes who I've been seeing on OLD have not been that cute lately. I've canceled a few accounts but I think I'll keep my Hinge profile but that may be it. I don't want to go on Bumble again and Coffee Meets Bagel moves so slowly.