Date with a 43-year-old male "feminist"

My ex loved to say that he's a "feminine" man, whereas he was the most douchey, woman-hating wannabe "alpha" to ever exist. Men who claim femininity for themselves are a big red flag, because it shows they hold misogynist beliefs about what makes a person "like a woman".

Honestly, a man who tells you that he's feminine - why oh why would a man ever think it's a good idea to tell us that - or puts on a whole "I'm not llike other men" routine should be an insta-Block and Delete. Theyre all garbage. They give me Louis CK vibes.

seriously, I couldn't figure out his deal! You identify as "feminine" but you think that you're sexy enough for me to want to have sex with 5 times a day? There is literally NOTHING less sexy than a feminine man.

I did very little talking 😂 I just sat there in amazement as he tanked the date all on his own.

they've seriously fallen so low...

I can't imagine having such terrible social skills that the answer to that question isn't glaringly obvious 😂

I've found ALL leftist people toxic my entire life.

This is why I refuse to associate with them. People often assume I must be a leftist based on my looks (woman of color, masculine haircut) and start spouting their leftist toxic bullshit in front of me as if they know I'm one of them. I find it presumptuous and rude and lose respect for them immediately.

I thought that one was funny too 😂 I would be SO curious to pick that therapist's brain to see what she thinks

Thank you, sis !

That's interesting you say that! I saw something about how it isn't a big deal if a guy isn't a huge fan of cats, but it's a huge red flag if he HATES cats because a lot of times cats are feminine coded and men who hate cats typically hate that cats have boundaries.

did this man you speak of have gorgeous green eyes but absolutely no other redeeming qualities?

It was painful in the sense that it cemented the feeling that there are no good men left, but at least his faux pas were entertaining. Much better than the dates where the guy doesn't talk and just stares at his lap.

That's an interesting opinion! I'm not totally sure about that, but I'm curious why you feel that way! If you don't meet the man on online dating, they don't really have anything to go off of but your looks so I don't hold it against a man if he approaches because he's attracted to me. Especially because I would want the guy that I date to be attracted to me. I think it would be a red flag if he said that I'm "hot" or "sexy" or "fine" etc. Beautiful can still be said respectfully.

If being beautiful aka young enough for him is the only reason he mentions to go on a date with you then he is a predator. He's way older than you that should have made your alarm bell go off, If a man can't come up with a reason that has nothing to do with your beauty to date you then it's a huge red flag.

Ever heard of the term fish love? They don't love the person but they love what they see or what can use.

A much older dude in his 60's said he wants to get to know me better while I only spoke to him once out of politeness not interest, It's predator behavior since they cut to the chase right away instead of starting a courtship with you to see if you are compatible as a couple.

Yeah I would've been bothered by this as well had I been in dahliajane's place, but I'm usually allergic to any kind of cold approach.

I'm not opposed to men trying to have a conversation with me, especially if it's completely begnin and he talks to me the way he would talk to another man, or a little old lady at the farmer's market, or literally anyone but a pretty woman, and I think that's why I'm always disappointed when they end up closing with "so I think you're beautiful, wanna go out sometime?" because it's like it somehow invalidates everything else that was said, if that makes sense.

It's like suddenly I'm seeing the real reason why he's talking to me in the first place and the rest was all pretense. Which granted isn't necessarily the case but the simple fact that there was an end goal from the beginning doesn't sit right with me, I don't know.

I guess that's because I've been burned many times before by men who think they can act however the hell they like because they've established that they were "friendly" and "one of the good ones" first.

The only good example I've read of someone "cold approaching" wouldn't even be called a "cold approach" in my books. I think it even came from this forum? It went like this: the woman was talking about meeting a stranger at a gas station on a trip. She was looking at sandwiches, and a guy she didn't know was browsing the store as well and he ended up near her, and he just made a witty remark about the sandwiches and they ended up having a fun, friendly conversation. At no point was the guy sexual or weird, he was just speaking to her like a normal, friendly person, and at the end of it he didn't ask for her number, didn't make any remarks on her physical appearance, he just mentioned he was going to be at an event in town the next day and told her about it in case she's interested and that's it.

I don't remember the exact post, it very much seemed to be some kind of "I'll be there if you want to find me" and not just dropping activity suggestions, and I thought it was so smart and well done as it gives the woman complete agency.

It's not his place to question her faith or trying to "save" her from it on the first date (or ever).

Thank you, sis! I always love your comments