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I went on a date with a walking red flag the other day and wanted to tell you ladies about it. I don't do online dating so I am always impressed when men pull off a polite and respectful cold approach in the real world. We chitchatted about the flyer I was putting up, and when our conversation drew to a natural close, he told me that he thought I was beautiful and he would love to take me on a date sometime. I suspected that he was somewhat older than me, but he had pretty eyes and seemed cool so I took a chance. Boy, was that a mistake...
Let's count the red flags that flew by in the span of a 1-hour lunch date, shall we?
Age gap. I'm in my late twenties but could pass for early twenties. I assumed he was mid-thirties, which would have been acceptable to me. This man knew he was 43 but went for a girl who could be 20 years his junior. Gross.
Just got out of a 5-year-relationship, so he's clearly not marriage minded. I would never date someone past 2 years if we didn't have a ring and our save the dates in the mail.
Mansplaining therapy to me, a therapist in training. Have you heard of EMDR before? Here is why it's incredible! (Of course, I've heard of EMDR)
Admitted to being in therapy and when asked why, "anger issues"
Said his therapist is gorgeous and admitted to him that her sex life is boring (wishful thinking much?)
Believes in astrology because he got his chart read, and it told him that he has a voracious sexual appetite, which is SO unique about him. I said, don't all guys have that? Which led him to ask how many times in a day I would had sex with my exes. Which led him to announce that he can go 5 times in a day. Thanks for that information
Still more...
7. I explained that I'm waiting for marriage which led him to say that he would never marry a virgin because she'll talk to all her friends and realize that she missed out by not sleeping around and cheat on him. I pointed out that if she had slept with other men before marriage he would still be running that risk because she could compare him to previous partners and find him lacking and cheat on him. He proudly stated that he has full confidence he will be the best lover his wife has ever had and even his ex-girlfriend said that sex with him just got better and better.
8. Identifies as a male feminist but doesn't know what feminism is. I educated him on the difference between liberal feminism and radical feminism, and the one highlight of the date was getting him to agree that radical feminism is better for women.
9. Has a weird relationship with eating. Told me about how he used to overweight and at what times he lost weight and by how much and when he gained weight and by how much and also what he ate at these different points in his life. Seemed orthorexic and rigid.
10. Works as a dog trainer and told me his salary (60,000 a year)
11. Has 3 brothers and he says he is more attractive than all of them. Apparently his brother's girlfriends agree and have all told his brother that he is the most attractive of all the brothers.
12. Got angry and weird when I mentioned my relationship with God.
13. Tried to mansplain the Bible to me and tell me I shouldn't be a Christian because Christianity serves the patriarchy.
13. We had a conversation about masculinity and he told me that he identifies as a feminine man, energetically speaking. I don't know why but this was the grossest thing of everything that he said to me 🤢 why can't men be men anymore?
Anyway! On to the next one. Blocked and deleted. Thankfully he did pay for lunch despite it being totally obvious to both of us that we had nothing in common. I hope you guys enjoyed my adventures in real life dating.
I'd be really careful of men who identify as feminine. They'll want the benefits of being female while still generally hating/disliking actual women and using us for sex. But they can't be called out or viewed as dangerous sexual predators, because they identify as your galpal. It's totally different than women who falsely identify as men just to be seen as a real person a lot of the time.
Wow that is extremely impressive that he was able to be so creepy and disappointing in so many varied ways within the span of 1 hour! Imagine what the ex-gf of 5 years endured 😓
Any time a man alludes to or mentions sex in any context whatosever on a date, he is then immediately a CREEP, and you may take the opportunity to get up and leave. They mention sex to test your boundaries. Men didn't do this 30 years ago. I won't even entertain it wIith fawn responses. It's straight up disrespectful.
I've found self-professed "feminist" and leftist men to be very toxic. And men who are in therapy also weaponize that language against you. I'm sure this man wonders why he can't get past a first date with most women 🙄
Thank you for writing this out for our education and entertainment, even though it must have been really shitty for you. Onwards and upwards.
ETA: this one is particularly funny to me: "Said his therapist is gorgeous and admitted to him that her sex life is boring" -- if it's true, I bet she told him this to reassure him that most people's sex lives are nothing like the movies, and he took it as an invitation. Pathetic.
Point 8. All men I talked radical feminism with (occasionally and on my own terms) admitted radical feminism is better for women and liberal feminism is bullshit. That's exactly why they root for liberal feminism lmao
Dating men is so worthwhile 🙄
"Got angry and weird when I mentioned my relationship with God."
No surprise there, lefties in general are pretty anti-God. Good job for B/D-ing
Oh, ew. He could easily be one of the guys I dated when I was younger (at least one of them would be 43 by now. Or older, and lying). I'm pretty sure most of the "enlightened" men I dated in my 20s are now pathetic middle-aged men trying to get the attention of women too young for them, so they can get the chance to mansplain to her for a half hour.
My condolences OP. There were so many red flags I don't even know where to start. He sounds absolutely painful to deal with!
His therapist did not talk to him about her sex life. He's crazy for saying that 🤣.
The first red flag was asking you out because he thinks you are beautiful. When looks fade he would be gone. I already saw trouble when he said that.
IMO "feminist" men and "nice guys" are two sides of the same coin. They're men who will say all the right things and act nice in order to gain your trust, but they don't mean any of it. They do nice things so that they can hold them over your head and guilt-trip you into dating them or sleeping with them.
Oh my gosh.
Please tell us the food was good, at least?
😅
All of this in one hour? Queen, should’ve walked out from the first red flag that came out of his mouth. Why entertain this loser? Jesus.
Kudos to you for handling this honestly. It’s kind of fun reading this afterwards and knowing you dodged bullets 🤣🤣🤣
Omg . That man is my age. So much for “mature older men” . They don’t exist. I should know. The y are horrific at every stage these days. There is NO winning ! I recently had a scrote that age try and pick me up out in the wild. He was jobless and lived in his car.
12. and 13. are him trying to save you. Everything else is gross.