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Ladies, I just…it’s too freaking textbook.
Been with this guy for about a year. Total HVM traits from the beginning. Maybe a little love bombing in hindsight. He proposed. I said yes. We moved in together. We agreed to be engaged for another year before marriage.
And…that mask slippity-slipped!
My once wonderful, doting fiancé has become a lazy, selfish ass. The past three weeks have been almost non-stop arguing.
The abusive tactics are CLASSIC and I see through them all.
Word games. Things he said today: “I didn’t say that.” “You’re the one being aggressive.” “It just seems like you’re not invested in this relationship.” “I want to work it out but you’re acting like you’re just gonna walk out, fine! Give me the ring back before you leave!” “I only said that about the ring because of how you were acting.” “I don’t know why you keep blowing things out of proportion.” “Let’s just drop it, ok. Or are you going to be mad about it for the rest of the day?”
Where on earth did my caring, doting, wonderful boyfriend go?
Ohhh of course…once he felt he “had” me with the marriage proposal, the chase was over. No more niceties. No more civility.
Ladies, I wish I was joking. What started such a catastrophic argument, you may ask?
He left the trash overflowing for two days in a row. I woke up this morning and he just left new trash all over our counters and tables. It was disgusting.
I told him I felt disrespected, like he left all that mess there for me to clean up.
And. He. Lost it.
Did you know? HE feels disrespected now because I said that to him.
No apologies from him. Why?
“I don’t apologize for things I didn’t do intentionally,” he says.
HA!
So I can expect no “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry I blew up at you, I’m sorry I made you feel disrespected.”
On top of the other stupid, petty, childish shit he’s started the past two weeks, ladies, I am out! I have enough money in the bank to stay at a hotel for a few days, then I’m crashing at a friend’s place until I decide my next move.
Always have a fuck-off fund, ladies.
I can’t believe how laughable this situation is. He’s really waiting for me to grovel and apologize to him for disrespecting him by…pointing out he didn’t take out the trash 🤣🤣 And he’s “fed up” with my “attitude” the past two weeks. To summarize, this is what I called him out on:
drinking himself into oblivion, by himself, nearly every night for two weeks (he barely drank at all that first year, except maybe wine with me at dinner)—and he’s doing this to “punish” me because I had a couple shots without him, twice, before cleaning the house. (His words were, “I wanted you to see how it feels.”)
Being cruelly and intentionally unsupportive and discouraging (I told him I was signing up for a program I was excited about, and he asked me what was the point, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. For no reason. Later he tried to say he was just trying to use reverse psychology so I would work twice as hard to prove him wrong 🙄. Asshole.)
Picking fights and escalating fights when I was obviously distressed and begging him to leave the room so I can have 10 minutes to calm down and collect myself (then telling me I’m crazy, aggressive, and out of control after he’s brought me up to snapping point)
Ladies, I was having flashbacks to the Gabby Petito (RIP) story. I will not become another victim nor a statistic.
He leaves for work in a few hours, and then I am OUT. ✌️
I’m super proud of you for standing up for yourself and leaving. It would of continued to escalate. Not all women would have left.
Keep and sell the ring, it’s his fault you have to spend days at a hotel etc (But check the laws where you are too if you can, to make sure it’s not a fuck women over while allowing men to murder them kind of state)
Queen. I’m so sorry your going through this but I’m so glad you have the financial means to dump his ass and leave.. Do you have family nearby that can also support you.
Have you read “why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft. I’m currently reading that right now and your are so right that his comments and tactics are straight out of the abusive man playbook, that the books talks about..Every action is meant to demotivate you and keep you guessing as to his behavior… and keep you in that struggle love cycle to keep him comfortable and disregard your feelings.
I opened the book as soon as I finished Reading your post and this popped out : “the abusive man has another reason to exaggerate and ridicule his partners statements: He wants to avoid having to think seriously about what she is saying and struggle to digest it. He feels entitled to swat her down like a fly instead”.
I’m so sorry!!!!! How disturbing to have someone switch on you like that! I loved when you said his mask slippity-slipped 😂 but UGH why can’t he just be better?!!!!! Thank God you didn’t marry him. What a fool for taking you for granted. You’re clearly very strong and cool. It’s creepy to have to realize he was hiding all these bad traits but you’re not deluding yourself or bending over backwards for him trying to make it work and you should be so proud of that!!!!
I am so sorry, but I'm also kind of happy for you that you can get out before marrying this asshole
Yes, get out before you’re trapped living in hell for the rest of your life with him! at least he is revealing his true colors before marriage.
i hope you stay safe
Isn't it crazy how they don't even wanna do the "male" role anymore? Like that's one of the 3 chores men have to do (besides lawn & fixing stuff). I'm beginng to think men have truly gotten more entitled as the years go on.
I’m so happy and glad you saw this right away after moving in with him!!! Don’t ever give him that ring. It’s yours. Sell it and buy something nice for yourself. You gifted him with your presence and he wasted your time. Please keep us posted Queen!!! Rooting for you!
This is why engagements were invented.
Stay strong.
Your attitude is incredibly inspiring. Your clarity is what I wish for all women in this twisted hellscape.
Ugghhh he sounds like an absolute nightmare. Keep and sell that ring, stay safe, and congrats on the beginning of your new life without that garbagecan around
Wow. This all sounds so familiar and the same old story. I am so sorry. But so proud of you at the same time. Make sure you take everything all in one go. And don’t you dare give back that ring! So proud of you queen and big hugs. You got this! Xoxoxoxo
What a piece of shit. Soooo glad you're ditching his ass asap. It's funny how quickly we can spot the abuse and manipulation once we've been inoculated with FDS. Congrats to you, you'll be sooo much better off.
Awesome for you! I think the hardest situation in which to apply all the stuff taught here is once you have invested and committed and the guy has been nothing but valuable to your life so far-and then switches it up. But it is so common i think, it’s Happened to me and lots of women I’ve known. at the very hardest time to walk away is when i think it’s the most important to actually do it.
Amazing!!!! So proud of you! I would love an update on this!
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 YOU GO, QUEEN. stay safe, strong and protect yourself above all else.
I am so sorry you went through this. What a scrote-in-the-box! He really jumped up suddenly didn’t he 🤡 📦
He has all the things: gaslighting, abuse, addiction, strategic incompetence, aggression, demands, disrespect. Good on YOU for walking out immediately.
I’m sorry he wasted your time. I hope he dies mad.
Next time don't move in with a bf
Next time don't move in with a bf