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This post is sad but I need you all the pay attention to the small details here: She recognized that he was unavailable to talk or spend time with her for three whole weeks after the first night they were sexually intimate. She asked him outright if the trip actually happened, and he said no, and that he was actually planning to never speak to her again. But that there was something 'strong' in the situation that made him come back, and since Pick Mes love stories like that, of course he thought that was the correct thing to say. 🙄
Society has done young women wrong when it told us that we need to FIGHT tooth and nail and suffer through blood, sweat, and tears for love and for men that we desperately want to stay by our sides no matter what happens or what he does. Society has made us believe that women are actually privileged, that men are the ones who suffer in life, and that we ought to be the ones to make everything easy and pleasant for them. Society has fooled us into thinking, that if we just keep giving him chance after chance after chance, he will one day wake up and realize what a gem we are and wife us up. Please!
I am not playing anymore when I say that it's this type of thing and the sad clown shit I've done before just to be able to say I have a man that I strongly advocate to treat men like they are animals. I don't mean in an abusive sense, but to pay attention to their animalistic behaviors; if they act like they are caught in a bear trap (aka dating YOU), trying to bite off their own leg to break free from you, and howling at the moon for sweet freedom... Girl, just let the damn dog go. Dump, block, ghost, and stay gone.
If he ghosts for days or weeks on end, open the bear trap. If he can't let go of a certain woman in his life and breaks dates with you to go see her, open the bear trap. If he'd much rather see his homeboys than see you and treats you like a chore, open the bear trap. If he has a mistress and he seems to suffer tremendously over knowing that he has to stay stuck with you, open the bear trap. If he snaps at you for having to "waste so much money" on you and seems to not enjoy his time with you, open the bear trap. I can go on but you understand the point. When I date and when I want to fall in love, I want to be with someone who sees me as a breath of fresh air instead of an obligation. I want to be seen as a portrait of fun, freedom, passion, as well as deep commitment sprung from true love in his heart. As soon as I sense that he sees me as a chore to do or something that needs to be checked off the list, or that someone else is more "fun" for him, I just let him go peacefully and go on my own merry way.
Don't be the woman that he feels forced to be with. He will resent you for this and will find any way to break you down enough that you are forced to leave him instead. If it feels like work to him, or that you have to work harder than normal to get him to come around in seeing how great you are, it's time to open up the bear trap and let the damn dog go. It's not a pretty sight to see a dog chew their leg off to free themselves, and it's the same with men who has to forgo something big in order to set themselves free from a woman.
You deserve so much better.
Go where you're welcome, not where you're tolerated.
She's out here calling the sister-in-law picky lol?
Well, you know what.....the pickiness worked in her favor. That shit probably protected her from ever having to deal with the shit OP is going through. I hope OP leaves him in the dust, works on herself, and finds some self-worth.
Struggle love is never worth it.
I mean, is this really the first time in five years that he’s said disrespectful things to her? Probably not. this is probably the most extreme thing he’s said, and the fact he said it in front of everyone has her hurt now. but why not leave years ago? After the first time he treated her like crap?
He contacted her after ghosting her because he wanted sex, and he most likely still finds her repulsive.
Hope she leaves him.
This post makes a good companion piece to that brilliant post someone made before about how men pushing women to settle leads to dead bedrooms.
People who thinks settling is the way to go always end up playing themselves.
1000% my heart broke for the OP and i hope she left him.
I agree with so much of your post and appreciate it, I have to stick up a bit for this woman being called a pick me though. I mean she’s finding this out as a married woman with a son. it sounds like she *just* found out the trip was fake. it doesn’t seem like she did anything wrong I just feel soooooo bad for this woman. That is a heart breaking story and how her husband could say he found her repulsive ? That’s so cruel. You just have to be a narcissist to say something like that, and also to have the mindset he described where he was just picking whoever so he could ”grow up” (not seeing women as people to adore ). This poor woman’s self esteem is shattered and someone she felt safe with now says he found her to be repulsive? That’s like a parent saying that to you - the one person we are supposed to feel safe with. I just want to give this woman a big hug to be honest that is so sad and She’s married with a kid to him. It really sounds like she’s hearing this for the first time and her earth is shattering. plus she has a child And that’s their daddy, she isn’t just dating, this woman has been gutted. How can you ever feel special and good in your family again?
Ugh, this is so sad. This is what happens when you believe in 'struggle love' and start to put up with less than you deserve. That said, it really doesn't sound like she saw this coming. I bet he lovebombed her when he crawled back into her life after three weeks. What a pos man to say something like that about his wife. The woman he is supposed to cherish and protect. He deserves to have her leave him so that he can spend the rest of his life regretting how he treated her.
What i think it happened? The main dish during that 3 weeks didnt pay the atencion he needed. And this woman was a easy fuck (not trying to offend anybody) basically.
This post is incredibly well written and I recognised myself in so many situations... I'm better off alone, than feeling like a burden or a trap to someone else.
I hate these posts on reddit cuz it’s too unreal that so many women believe they’re just worth breadcrumbs. That a lot aren’t troll posts. It’s so awful.
I really want to know how this turned out. Did she leave him? I need to know! This is the biggest cliffhanger.
There are 2 different men in my life. Guy 1 is my boyfriend. Guy 1 is problematic AF and I should break up with him for different reasons, but one thing is for sure: I know for a fact that he finds me deeply attractive. That is why we have stayed together for so long despite his issues. He makes it clear every single day that he finds me beautiful and sexy. Guy 1 is also a “bad boy” stereotypically which is why he has other issues. But he constantly is grabbing me, kissing me, calling me to declare his love for me, calling me beautiful, adoring me etc. regardless of whether I am in my rough job work clothes and no makeup or a nice dress. Guy 2 is a guy friend who I am distancing from because we developed a toxic dynamic. Guy 2 is a stereotypical “nice guy”. Whenever I talk on the phone with guy 2, I get angry and sometimes yell at him. My mom says “why do you yell at guy 2 but talk kindly to your boyfriend?”. Well, guy 2 has made it extremely clear that he does not find me attractive. During lockdown, when I was still single and kind of a femcel, guy 2 got into the habit of giving me dating advice which made me feel awful. He went on about how I need to lose weight and dress better, and that “there is a level of beauty” to me but I don’t show it because I need to lose weight. I showed him some pictures of a personal trainer at the gym who has a big butt and is roughly 150 lbs at 5’4” and guy 2’s words were “66% of men would say she is fat! I don’t want her!” I also told him a story about how a married man had an affair with a curvaceous blonde lady and guy 2 said “well I PREFER FIT WOMEN”. I told him I didn’t ask for his opinion on the blonde lady. This dude is balding with a weird face and calls himself an 8/10. I told him 8/10 is reserved for models and actors and he got mad. He always has something to say about how he prefers thin women and how fit he is. He is not buff or muscled, just not fat. And he’s an incel. He’s 38 and never even kissed before. This is also why I am distancing myself. While I agree I need to lose weight, I also am not some kind of land whale like this dude implies. I’m just kind of chubby. And I work out excessively so I am decently sculpted. Anyway, because of the way guy 2 speaks of other women and his advice to me, I KNOW he does not find me attractive. I want nothing to do with him romantically and as a friend, we only now talk about politics and current events and nothing more. This is why I yell at him. I don’t give a shit if I annoy him. He has already been disrespectful with his weird comments about weight and his shitty dating advice. He is a “nice guy” but he is a very entitled shit and I don’t want to work on trying to woo him knowing that one of the fundamental things in dating and marriage for men, attraction to the woman, isn’t there.