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I got ghosted years ago after a year of pretending that I was the one. This was before I found out about FDS. Now that I know better I can clearly see the red flags.
1st one was love bombing. The second was liking absolutely everything I liked. And even wore my favourite colours or wrote down favourite quotes of mine to keep me happy and learn more about me.
When we discussed our future he was talking about sex and that I should get the depo shot because he couldn’t wait until he can have sex. I felt alarmed but got the deposhot anyway because I thought I can’t get anyone better but my body rejected the depo shot and I had my monthly cycle anyway. It was like my own body tried to reject this man, I told him my concern that it was better not to do it. And he was like he can pull out. I wasn’t going to agree but I don’t mind dates, we went on multiple dates at a restaurant, he paid and after I wanted to go home when the movie was over he showed expensive condoms and asked if I was ready. I said that I can’t because I can still get pregnant. He tried again when it was time to go home but I said it’s for the best if we don’t. Then he’s like ”I waited for a year, and if we have sex I’ll have a stronger connection and bond with you” I asked for forgiveness but I can’t afford ending up pregnant or worse.
And that’s where the nice guy act started fizzle out slowly. It took months before he’s starting to show annoying behaviour, he forgets things, He’s no longer attentive, throwing pity parties for himself because his job takes a lot of hours, and all of the sudden he met relatives of his he never met and will spend Christmas with them while I’m supposed to
be his girlfriend. Mere strangers are more important than I was while in the beginning he would drop anything to be around me because im
the best person in his life.
He still tries to score points asking if he’s a good partner and when I said no he got offended and even admitted he wanted to start arguing and almost became irate and said that I have a lot of nerve saying no after he pointed out that he’s a very good BF.
I knew that was a sign to let things go but I ignored my gut feeling. A man who loves you would never become furious for being honest about how you feel about his performance In a relationship. A man who loves you would ask how he can improve. At least that’s what I would expect.
After becoming colder and colder the ghosting happened abruptly. accusing me of cheating.
I wasn’t sad when he was gone forgood just relieved that it’s over. All the stress and anger was no more. It felt like being lit on fire and have ice cold water dumped on my head. It was like a freed prisoner walking on the grass and see the sun for the first time.
Right now I got a message from him calling me names on my social media. He pretended to be “a friend” of his saying I’m mad because he didn’t want to sleep with me and I’m salty for being rejected multiple times. It looks like he forgot his own lie that I cheated according to him and that was the reason why I got blocked everywhere. ( I didn’t cheat, I even wanted to prove it by sending text messages and how I talk to ppl very respectfully and even declined dates from other men)
And this so called friend knew everything about me, things I told in trust he’s posting online for ppl to see just because I wrote a message that said “Don’t help men, especially financially you’re just grooming him for another woman” Because these numbers of dusties looking for a hospice wife is disturbingly high and he seemed to be offended by this somehow.
When he came with that ridiculous accusation and called me the C word I promised myself I will message him and after that never again.
I knew without a doubt that was him. I send him an email warning him that I still have his address and if he ever talks to me again I’ll have him doxxed and send his info to a group who despises creatures like him the most.
Like a cowardly child he deleted the comments he Left and that confirmed that it wasn’t his friend but that was him being a prick. How stupid does he think I am?
Does he really think I won’t Know? If he was a man he would have confronted me instead of doing this.
I don’t understand why he would take a moment out of his day to bother me while I haven’t spoken to him or tried to reach out ever since he ghosted.
Sis, why do you need to know what his motives are or why he does what he does? It's just his nature to be a low value emotionally abusive loser. Block him and all accounts you believe he uses to contact you immediately, and then please consider reading two books: "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft and "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. From what you described, it sounds like you spent a lot of time ignoring your own instincts and concerns so that this creep could get his way. That can never happen again. Please block and delete him and start working on building yourself up so that the next time you encounter someone like this, you'll recognize him immediately and keep him away from you.
I think now would be a very good time to compassionately investigate 1. why you believed that you had to wait until he ’released’ you from the relationship (i.e. by ghosting), rather than you choosing to leave of your own volition at a much earlier stage; and 2. why you feel the need to seek an explanation for his behaviour - as in, why does it even matter to you and what difference do you think getting an answer would actually make?
So he dated you exclusively for an entire year, and he didn’t ask you to get married? He just was waiting around to wear you down for sex? This was very weird. Like what was the point of it all? If you’re dating for a year and not having sex, one would think he’s serious about you and wants you to be his wife. Or was he just rotating you with other women hoping to wear you down so that you’d finally have sex with him without commitment? He sounds like a weirdo, and I’m glad he left without sex. Sorry he called you names, though. He sure thinks he’s entitled to your body and time, doesn’t he?