Ugh

It is very tough, even if you are not attracted to the person, to leave. A LTR becomes an attachment like a friendship, even if it is toxic and not serving you anymore. It's kind of like a grieving process IMO. I hope you're feeling better now. Wishing you hope and healing ❤❤❤

it’s going to hurt like hell at first. i‘m 3 weeks out and if i could have done it differently i would have had a plan! i would have scheduled facials, massages, go to a sauna, go to the gym, meet up with friends and family and then DO NOT CANCEL THOSE APPOINTMENTS. try new things: self-defense class, Olympic weightlifting, pottery, whatever.

plan your food menu. you won’t be hungry but you have to eat, especially protein.

honestly, the more you can create routine, the easier it will be to mitigate the pain from the oxytocin withdrawal. i’ve heard that taking an aspirin can help if it gets really bad (i’m not advocating taking ANY substance, NAD) because physical pain feels the same as emotional pain. drink lots of soothing tea. balance risk-taking with comfort, but keep moving. do mental exercises like puzzles, crosswords, whatever!

block + delete, erase playlists that make you think of him. read the FDS handbook.

stay connected on here.

good luck.

I don't know girl but thank you for asking because I'm in the same boat and these responses are helpful to me too. Ten year anniversary coming up and I've already grieved but I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger.

It’s like a bandaid. The longer you take to get out of it, the more it hurts. But once you’re out, the healing starts and you’ll feel so much happier with time.

I absolutely guarantee you will be fine. It takes time to heal and move on. Go "no contact". Delete their phone number (or give it, written down to a trusted friend to hold for 6 months). The book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" is helpful. I've been there, yes it's painful, but you will get through it. Take the time to love, treat and care for yourself. Try new things and start living your best life. Write a list of all the crap things about the guy you are leaving and look at it whenever you start mooning over him (e.g. picks nose, talks over me, any annoying habits or traits). Destory/donate all gifts, photos, memorabilia. Buy new clothes, change your hair. Anything that feel like a fresh start and a line in the sand. Totemic jewellery or tattoos. Make a promise to yourself that YOU are all you need, and you will treat yourself better than any man. Take yourself on dates. Only listen to happy upbeat music and movies (avoid sad songs!). In time, the guy will be a distant memory and your life will be so full and awesome XXX

Maybe actually get help from a psychiatrist with a mild med and/or sleeping aid. Psychological pain is as real as physical pain. Also try meeting new people over platonic meetup groups. Maybe try to better yourself in some way, it can help to reinvent yourself.

I'm writing my response based on my lived experience right after I left an abusive long term relationship, and what I wished someone had said to me. I hope it helps you. I don't think you do leave a long-term relationship without feeling like you're dying. I will say that the feelings leading up to the actual leaving, the anticipating of leaving, it's awful and a curse to the imagination. But your intuition persists, doesn't it? You know it's time to go. It meant so much to you, of course it hurts. I want you to know that you aren't dying, though it is painful as fuck. You're leaving; so you're going through the motions because you know you deserve better than this (listen to that voice, that's your self-esteem talking!). You can feel loving feelings toward someone who treats you like shit, that's what makes it so hard to leave; your loving feelings for that person, along with the sense of familiarity, and those moments that were "great," those brief shining positive moments between the waves of shit. You are stronger than you think. Your sense of self-preservation is right there carrying you through this god-awful exit into the unfamiliar, you are strong enough to make it through the pain. You know you have to leave, you know you deserve better than this. Write out or type out all the reasons you're leaving, or that you've left (for your eyes only). Write what you deserve vs how you've been treated. Even if you don't feel like writing I urge you to try anyway, you'd be surprised what comes out. Save it. Save it because you're going to have moments of rosy recollections and nostalgic reveries that seem to beg the question of why you left in the first place, was it really that bad? He could've been worse, right? Those rosy lenses are dangerous and not in your self interest, especially if he is also sniffing around now that you've left. Don't give in. Speaking of which, block and delete his number and social media. Seriously, make him dead to you, and strongly consider also cutting off any mutual friends who side with him or stay in the middle in the sense of "fairness". This part is subjective but I don't know your specifics here-- I do recommend considering distancing yourself for a while. You're choosing you now, and nothing says you are serious more than cutting him off. He doesn't get to receive any more of your energy. You choose where your energy goes. You know you were treated like shit and you deserve better. You feel it. Write it all out while it's fresh in your mind and the pain is still so vivid and raw. Because it won't always be. And mark my words, as you're moving on those rosy lenses will creep. And in those moments you can then read back what you wrote and have an "Ohh yeah, he was such a fucking scrote" moment because you conveniently forget in lonely moments (which do pass, by the way, every time) just how shitty he was. Remember, being single is better than being miserable with an asshole. You get through this pain by going through the motions of your day, your self-care rituals, and when the pain returns (because grief is not a linear process, i.e. you'll feel like you've come so far then start crying seemingly out of nowhere) holding yourself with grace as you are human, it doesn't erase any of your progress, rather it's all part of it, and taking as much time as you need. No urgency culture here. There's no rush. You are grieving a loss, the loss of what you thought your relationship was and could be. That's worth grieving, and it meant something to you, even if you know now it isn't right for you. Take this time, because it will make you stronger when you properly acknowledge your feelings and eventually move on, when you're ready. You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. A personal note: I have found that body movement helps. Go for a walk, even if you hate it and you're bored. I have found that moving your body however you can is beneficial even those times you feel like you hate it in the moment. I'm talking gentle movement here, you don't need to go hard unless that's your thing. Just move your body somehow. Be gentle with yourself and hold yourself with grace. You're not alone. Remember, you won't always feel like this. Be well, sis.

I have been out if mine (15 years) since last Aug thanks to FDS. It took me until now (like six months) to start to feel settled. At first i was insanely busy setting up my place seeing friends but then i went through an intensely sad period and now I am coming out of it. Absolutely no desire to date anyone right now.

Unfortunately it’s a chemical withdrawal happening in your brain, literally like a drug withdrawal. It’s going to feel like crap in the short term while your brain readjusts. But that makes it a great time to focus on yourself and do some self care! Exercise, get out and run, be outside like someone else said. Eat good foods. Connect with your friends. The podcast Help Me Be Me by Sarah May B helped me after my last breakup. It WILL pass, and it’s worth it to leave!

The best way to leapfrog that stress is by pulling the trigger and leaving. The stress and uncertainty melt away because you’re free

Think about getting a injection. The anxiety of a needle poking through your skin is often worse than the actual needle. The longer you put the breakup off, the more it's going to build.

In breakups, it doesn't really matter how you do it as long as you get away. So if you're thinking that he's going to make a breakup hard, he's going to argue with you, he's going to convince you to stay, breakup in a way where he can't contact you like texting him goodbye and blocking him on social media.

Understand it's your brain processing the cease of oxytocin bonding hormones from cuddling and sex, and all the neural pathways that were formed IE habits that are now being broken. I recommend going outside as much as possible, even if you just sit on your porch in a blanket. Get a cat or dog if you can afford. This will pass in 30 to 90 days and in six months you'll be over it. Listen to the audiobook (or read the book) "it's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt