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I’m the new nurse on the floor, which apparently is similar to being the new girl in high school- you’re shiny and interesting until the next new girl comes along. I realize men’s attention is meaningless- still, it can be addicting… and I can see if I’m not careful I could easily fall back into my former pickme ways. So I thought I’d give a field report to put things into perspective and allow you Queens to knock some sense into me.
Doctor #1 is a resident. He’s the type I would have fallen into a relationship with in my past, because he’s persistent and I would have convinced myself not to listen to my screaming gut. He has model-esque good looks (chiseled jawline, perfect facial features) but he’s short. He is quite boring, and clearly thinks highly of himself. He frequently asks if I’d like to “pick his brain” about any questions I might have, because “this stuff comes clutch to me”. He spends way too much time lingering around the nurse’s station asking me personal questions and remarking on my “perfect figure”. He sends personal messages to me on our secure messaging app (which is a huge no-no- it’s meant to be used for communication regarding patients only). This puts me in a terrible predicament because doctors are hard to come by and are, thus, often protected by hospitals. Nurses are much more expendable. I’m sure if I were to call him out on his improper usage of the app, he’d deny it and act offended that I would assume such a thing. But if I don’t, he’ll amp up the intensity. For now, I’m responding in one-word sentences whenever possible, and sometimes ignoring the messages altogether.
Doctor #2- also a resident. Lookswise, this guy is more my cup of tea. He looks a bit like Blake Shelton, but his hair is a little bit on the long side (I HATE when men have long hair, so major points off for that). He is tall- whenever he walks in I hear myself saying “there’s that tall drink of water”). He’s a little on the shy side and seems to get a little nervous when he talks to me. I LOVE that. He keeps things professional, but throws me glances and winks often. He seems like the type to let women lead, so I’m sure he’ll be snapped up by a woman who doesn’t mind making the first move (which I absolutely won’t do).
Doctor #3- an actual Doctor-Doctor. This guy is quite average looking. He’s not in the best shape- not overweight, but a little pudgy. Also a little on the short side. Man, he’s sweet! The other day an NA and I were changing a patient who’d had a huge bowel movement. He jumped right in and helped us. He didn’t really know what to do, since as he’d admitted, he’d been a doctor for 13 years and never changed a patient. When he left the NA said, “Dang, I had a feeling he liked you. Now I know he does.” I really like his personality, and the way he interacts with me. He’s very respectful and sweet.
To sum it all up, none of this should mean anything to me. I’m in the ICU, so doctors are always on our floor. There could be nothing worse than not only getting in a messy situation with someone I work with, but also not having my head clear when my patients need me.
Queens, help me to snap back to reality.
None of them really sound right for you. Enjoy the eye candy and attention if that’s your thing, but don’t shit where you eat.
Men are extra nice when you don't sleep with them, enjoy that shit. On valentines day I felt like a dragon, knights giving me offerings and food lol.
Excessive flirting at the workplace gives me ick, especially with a power dynamic in place, and when there's way more pressing things to worry about (the patients and their health). But as you said, as soon as there's "fresh meat", men are suddenly interested. Ugh. I wouldn't want to be treated by a doctor who's busy flirting with the nurses. The attention is flattering for sure, and "good looking doctor" is kind of a trope of what women look for, but it means nothing.
Reading as a third-party I say you are being sexually harassed at work by the first doctor.
If I were in your shoes — and I’m not — I would firmly tell him, and possibly record it if you’re in a state where that’s lawful, that the attention is unwelcome. I get that not everyone will do that because of repercussion fears, but it doesn’t look good. He is in the wrong and should be told to knock it off.
God I can’t stand male doctors.
What are you even talking about? You are at work. Be a professional. There's nothing more embarrassing and sloppy than a woman who shows up fresh to a new job and immediately is scoping out and hitting on coworkers. These men are ALSO at work to do work. EVEN IF THEY FLIRT, work flirting is MEANINGLESS to men, it's like a game or sport to pass the time.
Don't get into fantasy relationships in your head. Listen to the audiobook "not your mother's rules" SEVERAL times.
I'm not trying to be harsh with you, I've been that girl. It's embarrassing and sloppy to get rejected or used. It is also extremely unprofessional and "blows up your spot". What if you need these doctors as references at your next job but they think you're unprofessional for hitting on them, or you end badly? I'm sure they are used to cute young nurses hitting on them all the time.
Be a professional, and if any of them like you, they'll wait until your contract is OVER and ASK YOU OUT. Anything less or more is UNPROFESSIONAL. it jeopardizes your career possibly getting fired or stuck in a building for 12 hours a day with men who disdain you, your relationship with your coworkers who are sick of the flirting and drama, and your patient relationships because you are focused on whether Dr Dreamy is looking at you instead of placing the catheter correctly.
I'm just trying to help you snap out of it. Work is not your personal dating pool. If one of the doctors likes you, he'll respect your professionalism and get to know you slowly (which is best in a work setting, you DON'T KNOW THESE MEN) and ask you out proper when you change workplaces or contract ends.
Also be on high alert for these male nurses. My ex was a male nurse of ten years. I thought he was nice and caring. He had lots of female nurse friends. He REFUSED to wear a condom (past the first time), and lied to me that pull out sex was safe. Just because he's a nurse doesn't mean he's caring or respectful of health for his partners.
Doctors (surgeons and dentists, really) are notorious for being top of the list of professions of spousal abusers - cheating abuse of the wives are so common in those call rooms. Among abusers, surgeons are the sociopaths and covert narcissists who fly under the radar. (Think Betty’s ex Dan Broderick, MD and JD 🚩🚩, or that Mormon dentist who just poisoned his wife.) So really think twice about dating one of these types as a class.
That said, Dr. #3 / the attending would be the type of suitor to court you properly and like you more than you like him. I’m of two minds about this. “Don’t shit where you eat” and all. But you’re also in a field where there is a bit of a shortage and changing employers would typically benefit your pay etc. IDK Queen. Great question though. "Choose yourself" is always the correct answer to any question like yours. 💛
The first guy sounds abysmal. I recommend gray-rocking. Make sure to take screenshots of his text messages, in case things get worse.
Second guy sounds like he is waiting for the woman to make the first move, and would forever be expecting her to keep the relationship going (til he found someone he was motivated to pursue). Just ignore him.
Third guy sounds a little better, personality-wise. I wouldn’t be too impressed by him helping change the patient, though. He’s been a doctor for 13 years, and hasn’t changed a patient before. He only did it to impress you, and while it’s nice to have men trying to impress you, it doesn’t say anything about him personally (other than that he’s willing to go out of his way to impress the new nurse).
Most doctor/nurse couples I’ve met didn’t work out very well; doctor/doctor couples tend to fare a little better (I’ve never met a nurse/nurse couple). The best ones I’ve seen are a doctor or a nurse with someone either outside of the medical field, or in the medical field, but not patient care (like medical technology).
if you DO date someone you work closely with, be ready to leave your position asap because it can turn sour and if you try to go No Contact, what then? ask me how i know. not only did the ex turn on me, so did the supervisor because, Boys' Club.
As I wrote before I have worked on ICU as a doctor for 8 years the way male doctors talk about new young nurses and Interns is appalling . There is always a chance all men who hit on that new person know that they all are flirting with her and it’s a stupid competition to get you in bed ! Men are low value creatures even doctors yes ! More so male doctors ! Don’t be that person who gets talked about in hospital be professional . Nobody is nicer than a man who wants to sleep with you ! Like someone said . I was a naive intern at your position boy I wish I knew what I know now ! Xx hope this helps
I'm so glad to be in a workplace with not a single man around. Sure there are also probably downsides to female only workplace but at least I don't have to put up with bs like this.
Just apply FDS principles. Have a Scrotation, vet vet vet and make sure you date outside of work.
The first guy sounds creepy, and for all you know may have a wife.
Beware of workplace flirtations.
I'm a female doctor. Please be smart here.
DO NOT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
Damn girl, if my grandmother was in the ICU at your hospital, I would be massively concerned for her safety. Focus on your job for fuck's sake. I also work in healthcare. Male nurses will flirt with everybody. That's just how they are. They think they're hot shit because they work in a job that is seem by the public as altruistic. Don't take their attention as a compliment, most of them are married and/or bored.