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Especially if you are single and never married yourself. I used to rent a room in a house with a family- the dad and his two sons 8/10 years old, and his second wife. She was a lovely woman, sweet and beautiful. He would sit in the couch playing Fortnite with the boys, smoke weed constantly, act sweet with her with hugs but honestly that seemed to be all she was getting from him. I even overheard an argument between them about how she didn't shave her "bush" (ugh). She lived in his house paying half the mortgage, cooking and cleaning for his two boys, putting up with his bullshit, why? She is young beautiful and sweet.
One time he told me they dated for five years, shacking up for part of that, when she had said "are we going to get married or what" and he was like "okay!".
There's a lot going on there, but I can't see a scenario where a pretty young single woman with an income should ever date a single dad. We are not charity centers, we are not child welfare nannies and providers. The only time I've seen this work is if the woman is infertile and wanted kids, or the single dad wants more kids and the woman loves kids and wants her own (and loves the originals all the same).
But you aren't obligated to plaster a smile on your face and "feel mean" about rejecting a single dad. Most of the time you'll end up cooking and cleaning for the kids who will likely hate you (the aforementioned kids would tell the stepmom to "shut up" and that she was "selfish" because that's the way the dad talked to her .. probably why he was divorced), and for what? Because a handsome man wanted to date you? That's what he wants, what do you want?
If you're single without kids it's okay to hold out for another single without kids. Or want a family that is JUST your OG family whether by birth or adoption, idk .. my dad dated after he divorced my mom at like 9 years old. She was very abusive but to my child heart, it was devastating for my dad to get remarried (and redivorced) by age 15. I think single moms and dads should STAY SINGLE until the kids are 18, for the sake of their kids. I cringe when a single dad wants to date me. Why? So I can be the stepmom they probably hate because I'll never be the real mom, and the real mom might be angry about the divorce, etc convincing the kids to hate me? Even if there's no toxic baby momma ex wife, children are devastated by the breakup of their own family. The adults are the ones who plaster a smile and say "everything is fine!"
Oprah did an episode on adult children of divorce.
Honestly, I don't want to date single dads because I feel they should be focusing on their children and not looking for ways to get a mommy mcbangmaid 2.0. It's harmful for the kids to have your split attention (on top of split family) not to mention harmful for the woman to turn into a live in nanny.
1/10 of the time it turns out to be a beautiful blended family where there's harmony and love, but why take that chance. 9/10 times the children and the adults resent each other. I've been both the child and the adult in these single dad situations and it's all trash.
Yes it’s one of my boundaries. No men with kids.
I just honestly feel like (and this may be a non-kosher opinion), as an unmarried childless woman, I don’t have significant baggage so why should I settle for someone who does…. And honestly, like in the example provided in the post, if you do give a single dad a chance, they don’t appreciate it. I ended up in a situation ship with a previously divorced man with a child. He would lay in my bed talking to me about women he slept with fifteen years ago, and talk about how he wanted another child but “wasn’t ready for another relationship” (translation: he wanted me to be baby momma number two, but without any of the legal protections a marriage provides) I deleted and blocked. I heard through the grapevine that he wanted a second chance. I said, “I don’t double dip with potato chips or men. It’s too many men out here to give second chances to knuckleheads who didn’t deserve or appreciate the first chance they got!”
Wow I totally agree. The single dads I’ve found really like the lifestyle. They think other woman will feel bad for them or something. They never really have the best interest in their child. I mean I’m sure there are good ones out there, but there’s a lot of bad ones too. I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of talking to single dads and they don’t care if I meet there care or who I am. I’m very weary about men meeting my daughter. These men are single bachelors for life. That’s why I like to date men who don’t have kids for the time being.
I'm catching up on this TV show, and I'm at a part where this teenage girl finds out this guy she likes has a kid. And she's like "this changes everything." And he immediately got all indignant about how he knows she's going to dump him because he has a kid, just like every other girl dumped him when they found out.
I was like, um... no shit if you hide that fact every time and they have to find out for themselves later.
What gets me is the show is still trying to make him out to be this great guy even after this. As if we're supposed to think those other girls were wrong to dump him.
Typical media manipulation to get young girls to think trash men are great.
Unless they somehow turn this around in the last two episodes I haven't watched yet. Ugh, I'm not feeling motivated to finish watching, though.
I don't think women who were victims of reproductive coercion and stealthing have to stay single 18 years to raise their abusers sperm. On the other hand this rarely to never applies to men: they become dass because they want to or are careless because they assume they can just bail. Such people should absolutely just take responsibility for their own choices.
Can we like... make this into a rule for life? This along with not accepting walk dates or some other bs like "clean with me my dirty room" dates?
Can we please write it in big, bold neon letters?
single moms are thought to be the bottom of the barrel by scrotes. they are hurt, publicly humiliated and used as punching bags.
in commiseration with these women, NO FDS woman should choose to date a single "father" or a man with multiple baby mommas.
say no to the scourge. from now on we ban the single "dad" from our dating pool.
I actually seek out single dads for many reasons. I have found that most are good men who know how to treat a woman. Men who have remained single at my age are just playboys who never wanted to settle down. Most dads are sweet and responsible. I’m not going to be taking care of his children until there’s serious commitment and I actually can’t wait to have a family to take care of. It’s ok that some women don’t want to date single dads, then they shouldn’t, i just wanted to share my experience
Didn’t Gloria Steinem marry a twice divorced single father. Though that single father was Christian Bale’s dad.
I’m in my late 40s, missed the chance to have kids of my own, but hell will freeze over before I get sucked into a stepmom role, and especially not for boys. There are men in my age group and older who are childfree, so that’s one of my criteria.
In my early 50s and childfree by choice. I won’t be dating until men my age have grown children out if the house. It’s a weird time in life to be single.
I was actually introduced to FDS via a post I made on a stepparent forum aforementioned here. Never again, ladies. Not only does this present an inherently unbalanced relationship (you’ll never be a priority, you’ll play second fiddle to the OG family, and your life will be controlled by a woman you’ve never met) - these men are predators. I’ve seen this said on FDS before but I’ll repeat it until I’m blue in the face - a woman doesn’t just up and leave the father of her children because of some incompatibilities. These men are usually abusive or lazy, or somewhere in-between. How often do we see divorced dads dating age-appropriate women with children of their own? Vs how often do we see divorced dads preying on younger, child-free women who don’t know any better? Single dads will try to convince you they are “good guys” who put their kids first. They’ll use this as a manipulation tactic to center their own needs and wants and throw yours out the window all together, “for the kids”. News flash: if they gave a shit about their children they would have tried to make their first marriage work and they wouldn’t be parading a string of young, fresh prey in front of their children…
Thank you for saying this! My best friend is engaged to a NVM who has a 6 year old, and it drives me absolutely crazy how he expects her to fill the caretaking role while he sits around and does nothing. But if she tries to discipline at all, he flips out and yells at her that she’s not the mom. (They live together with the daughter full time; my friend is 27 and this guy is 40.) She won’t leave him in part because “who will take care of her [the child] if I don’t?” There’s so much more to say about her situation but it would have to be it’s own post. All this to say I will never, ever date a single dad!
These single fathers need to SEEK OUT other single mothers; stop trying to look for virgin girls!
You see 100000000s of single mothers, but almost 0 single fathers; the single fathers ALWAYS re-marry, quite quickly, to young women who never had any kids before. These single fathers just want a stepmother to raise his kids for him, but he doesn't want a "used up stepmother" - he wants a stepmother that doesn't have her own kids, then he can make new kids with her. Men's goal is always to pass down his genetics.
That's why abusive stepfathers exist, because they didn't WANT to marry a single mom; they see the kids in the way. Single dads who LOOK for single moms, don't mind the KIDS. Single dads who couldn't land a childless woman, "settle down" for his "second choice," single moms, and become abusive.
As for single moms, you DON'T HAVE TO DATE SINGLE DADS. You're a woman and have the right to choose who you want and who benefits you most. Most men wouldn't raise another woman's child, but once they have their own child and get divorced, these same men expect new women to raise his kids.
I always have felt the pressure from people to date a single dad cause I have a kid. But I’d rather not
I have a child and I’m divorced. Ive decided I don’t want any more kids. I’ve found dating single dads to be a nightmare in the dating pool. At least where I’m at.
I could never date a single dad! It's too much stress! I worked at school and the children whose parents were divorced or the children who didn't have a dad/mom were sooo lost in life! It is reflected in their education as well as in their attitudes (They were mean af I could not with them sometimes lol. I tried my best to show them love and kindness..but dam was it hard). It took the whole staff to get them to properly communicate in a more healthy way. It took months sometimes even years to get them on the right track in life. Oooo and If a staff member left It was back to square one with them. They would be like "Why are they leaving me? Why do people always leave?" I felt so bad for them.
I’m also a divorced single mom who left an 8 years marriage. (3 years ago). My ex just got engaged soon to be married to a divorced woman with no kids but I know he always wanted more kids so it makes sense for them as I didn’t want more kids. However, I have never talked to her or seen her and she is already jealous and insecure about my ex and I talking lol! We have a 7 years old son and we only communicate by email. Both have shared custody (50/50) and we have a very civil relationship with no drama or issues. My ex is very involved in my son’s life and he loves him. I have asked to meet her so she can understand my parenting style and I can maybe communicate with her instead of him all the time but my ex refused saying it’s not my decision 😆. Who knows. I left him because I don’t want to be with him so I have no interest in his life or hers. I just hope she is a good person to my child. I think it’s judgmental to say that single parents can’t date until the kids are 18. I’m dating now but no one gets to see my son or come near him and I date when he is with his father. My son will never meet any man unless I’m engaged and soon to be married. My ex did the same. We are not into the hookup culture and thankfully our culture’s influence is good when it comes to things like this. We also have an agreement in place that random people can’t just be around our children and the future partner can’t meet our son unless there is an engagement. However, just like Capricorn_Peach above me commented, the single dads I have met are emotionally unhealthy and didn’t work on themselves which is a no for me. I think I’m better off finding a man who doesn’t want kids, is open for the idea of children half the time or is a good father in his kids lives. He exists but it’s an elimination process. Other than that, I’m happily pursuing my career and living my life peacefully.
I'm an older single mom with kids and I've actually been attempting to date a single dad for the last few months. (I've dated older guys without kids in the past and they are trainwrecks - forever bachelor types) Let me just tell you, trying to find an emotionally healthy single dad that isn't looking for the next seat warmer girlfriend to pick up where his ex wife left off is not going so well!
If his kids bio mum didn't want him, then why would I?
I am divorced with two of my own, I did not date until this year when they turned 17 and 18, it is not fair to the kids and just selfish of the parent. I see so many things go wrong. The ladies need to wait and find a real man with older kids or preferably single.