He date raped me and I only ever met him once, but I admit I did trauma bond to some extent. I had a hard time blocking him at first. These days though, he's been harassing me on different accounts and the things he says really has me feeling angry and depressed. He called me a "narcissist drama queen who needs to get over it so that we can be together." He doesn't think what he did was a big deal at all. I'm sorry I haven't gone to authorities, but this happened close to the Heard/Depp trials and seeing the way she was treated made me even more fearful of coming forward legally. I also fear retraumatization through the court. But I just need some FDS support. I need to know I'm not a narcissist for cutting him off and calling him an abuser. He's been gaslighting me about how I kissed him and moaned during it, but that was fawning response from fear and involuntary. I just am thinking what in the actual fuck possessed this piece of shit to make me feel worse about his crime.
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You are NOT a narc.
If there's one thing that should repel him, it's calling him a rapist. Abusers don't like accurate labels. Before you block every number, call him out. That should send him running for the hills. "You're a rapist. Fuck off and die" should do the trick.
There is a way to “win” with narcs and I’ve done it a few times. You give them a horrible but accurate nickname and you also go public with that they’ve done. Do not exaggerate; simply name what they did. They can’t respond for a few reasons. If they whine about the charges, the nickname sticks. If they whine about the nickname, the charges are all laid out in black and white. Since narcs are all about image, this is a two-pronged attack. It has so far never failed to shut up and shut down all narcs I’ve ever dealt with.
If you have some males you know who can threaten him that will do the trick. Or just pretend to be a man on a different account. This bag of shit only speak the language of violence among men.
You’re not a narcissist. The only reason you shouldn’t block him everywhere is you’re doing detective work, and you’re trying to get a confession out of him so that you can go to the police. You won’t be the last girl he does this to. If you have text evidence of what happened between you—you saying he raped you, him saying you wanted it and other gaslighting shit, try to throw out the scenario in texts, and see if you can get him to respond in an incriminating way. Even ask him if he’s done the same things to other girls—write out the scenario and see if he’ll admit to anything. But if you don’t want to nail him to the wall, just block, delete, and get a gun. Learn how to protect yourself. I never go anywhere unarmed. Men cannot be trusted as you have learnt.
Hey, I just wanna say, I have been where you are, having to fight so desperately to break a trauma bond that you already know is bad news garbage. For me, shame about being trauma bonded was a big issue, but it doesn’t need to be for you. What happened was not your fault, doesn’t matter what he says, what the laws say, what anyone’s friends say. It doesn’t matter how you reacted in the moments or days following the assault. You are not a narcissist for cutting him off. It’s not your responsibility to fix him. It would only serve to further traumatize and victimize you. If he wants to improve as a person he can turn himself into the authorities and try going to therapy/prison. What he thinks about you doesn’t matter in the slightest. Please take care of yourself above all else and especially above him. I’m not sure if we can DM on this app but you are always welcome to message me if you’d like more support. You are stronger than him, better than him, and what he says or thinks about you doesn't matter at all.
I block his new text now numbers and accounts immediately, but it’s still fucked up having to do it over and over. And I always accidentally read some of the insults while I’m deleting them.