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I tried holding back posting about my family members disgraces but honestly I don't know what to think about this.
I used to be very close to this brother and we were tight knit but a few years back he crossed a line with me that I ended up cutting contact with him. We all grew up in poverty with my parents and faced awful stuff growing up and it was something we could connect on.
That brother has 2 kids he's abandoned, an ex wife that divorced him when he laid hands on her and he has a long history of in and out of jail for petty crimes. The last thing that crossed the line with my that ultimately I just will never speak to him again was another run in with law enforcement after years of my parents and me trying to help him out like a chicken with our heads cut off giving him support, driving him to probation, etc.
We all still live at home with our elderly parents under their roof. My parents are for the most part easy going about not charging us rent and understand our situation as long as we don't disturb their peace. He's been using dating apps to find new pick mes every so often to sneak into the house. Recently he's been "dating" a pick me and IDK What is wrong with this woman.
SHE DOES NOT LIVE HERE!! This is not my brothers house!! It's not even MY house! This pick me has been staying at our house unwelcomed by my parents... the literal landlords of this house. She's been sneaking around the home at wee hours of the night to avoid contact with me, parents and the dogs. Our chihuahua has been going insane trying to bite her anytime she is out of my brothers room. My mom got pissed off and confronted her one day and accused her of being a (TW: sex worker) PROSTITUTE. Why is she entering strange houses? In the middle of the night? We dont know this woman!!
My brother has been keeping her cooped up in his room days in a row, I have no idea if she is showering at our shared bathroom if at all. I have no idea if my brother completely lied to her and claims the house is his or he personally invited her over. I don't know what he's lied to her about for her to be staying with him. My mom has been biting her tongue on spilling any tea of my brother's past to her because we don't know if he's even told her anything. My mom is already uncomfortable with the fact that this woman has been staying over nights with him. "this is not a motel".
This pickme... how can she look at my brother and think this situation is normal for a woman? I would be pissed off AF if some random dude just invited me to his parent's basement, the only date he takes me on is driving me to work, and having to sneak around the rest of the family in the middle of the night that would be awkward af for me. I havent had contact with this woman but I've caught glimpses of her when my brother drove her back home once, she didn't seem against what was going on (for me to be concerned to say the least).
To top this all off, apparently she works at a gas station and has been doing him the favors of helping him fill up his car since I guess he's been taking her to work.
update: So this woman has been staying over more nights, my brother has been driving her to work. My mom had to tell me in private that the pickme paid my mom rent for the nights she has been over. This woman is literally paying my brother's rent for the room. She has since established herself as my brother's girlfriend.
Edit: So apparently there's more backstory going on. My mom was speaking in the kitchen with my dad. Allegedly she moved in with my brother as quick as she did because her family had kicked her out of her home (but still, we don't know the history of her and my brother wtf?) Brother found her homeless crying on the curb of the street and brought her here. Which further validates what someone said here about her being possibly homeless. That's the story HE told my parents. Thing is, me and my mom both know my brother, and like most men- he is a bonafide liar.
He tried telling my parents this big ol sob story of his new gf being homeless, kicked out, she's a single mom of a 12 year old boy that she had when she was 14 years old herself, owes the baby daddy child support because only the mom works. (I honestly don't know how that works, I'm a single childfree woman.)
Ok but we live in California. There are major support programs in place here for moms in those situations to NOT land with abusive men in situations such as this.
The kicker on this being one big bullshit of a lie is that my brother still CONSTANTLY updates his fb page with misogynistic andrew taint BS quotes and is making highschooler-ish posts about how much he hates women and how st*pid he thinks women are because he "plays them" yet he's trying to present himself to my parents like some kind of big hearted, savior of women in distress. He's been doing this a lot where last year he kept boasting about saving a woman in distress and telling EVERYONE about it.
I'm at the point where I might do this woman a favor and leave a post-it note for her in one of her toiletries supplies letting her know my brother has a history of being abusive. This is a ridiculous living situation that got stirred up only because men want to get their pp wet that no women should have to be jumping from one bad situation to another.
Blow up his spot.
"Hey [name], I'm not sure what my brother has told you, but our parents own this house and they are uncomfortable with uninvited houseguests. I'm sorry, but tomorrow is the last day you're welcome here. Please don't sneak back in during the night anymore, otherwise we'll be forced to call the cops and report an intruder. I'm sorry my brother has nothing to offer you."
He might have put one of those creepy
”seeking a female roommate“ ad’s online and a homeless woman took the bait. Based off of what you posted I just feel like she might be a pick me out of desperation instead of by choice. You know the situation bettet than me though. Its just the vibe I’m getting. I hope she’s able to find a safer place to stay.
She must know it’s not his house, if she’s sneaking around trying to avoid the people who actually own the house. I’m guessing she’s homeless, or is soon to be homeless, and your brother offered to let her move in. She might even be a sex worker, as this is how many of them stay off the streets (live with a “boyfriend” who is actually a John, and just provides a place to stay, with some money here and there). I’m not sure what the laws are where you live, but you could direct her to a women’s shelter, or an organization that helps women leave sex work.
I would raise these concerns with your grandparents (parents? Whomever owns the house), and let them know that you’ll support them if they choose to confront her/your brother.
Sis, time for a boundary to protect your own peace here: you are not your brother’s keeper.
The behavior you’ve described sounds weird but not illegal, and obviously your parents’ ::actions:: (not asking her to leave, not calling anyone to remove her etc) show they continue to condone it despite your mother’s strong words to the contrary. Talk is cheap.
Do whatever you can to stop worrying about what your brother is doing, and also why your dad and mom lack boundaries and are not solving this problem in their house.
Re-center yourself right now. You were raised with crappy boundaries as evidenced by this situation and your inclination to FIX IT. Nah, sis, just worry about yourself and your own level up journey. Repeat: “this is not my problem to manage!”
It never works to warn any woman in her shoes anyway. She likes having a roof over her head for now, and is making diligent efforts to live by your parents’ rules to keep a low profile and stay quiet to the point you aren’t always sure she is there. This is all extremely weird af BTW, and I’m sure you’d move out if you believed you could.
it sounds like she has desperately low self-esteem. wow.
set another hard boundary. this is your home, too.
your brother needs major therapy and i'm sorry you were forced to cut contact (i have a brother and, while we aren't the best communicators anymore, i love him dearly).
Call the police. Your brother and this woman could be doing drugs in the room for all you know, or doing God-knows-what-else that could put you all in legal jeopardy.
I'm so scared for your parents OP. Your brother is clearly taking advantage of them.