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This isn't a question. It's a rant.
There's this show I'm watching, a Korean one, where the show writers have decided to put a single woman in her 30s with her best friends younger brother who has Aspergers because how dare a woman in her 30s be single. The man doesn't understand emotions and I don't think he knows how a physical relationship works? Is anyone else annoyed by this? She showed NO interest in him from the beginning and treated him like a kid throughout. Suddenly she loves him in the last episode? Just because he confesses? WTH?
Am I being politically wrong? I want to know if it's wrong to not accept a pairing where the man isn't functional as an adult, doesn't know social cues or norms and doesn't have a job etc. I'm asking here because it feels like a safe space where I won't get cancelled if I'm wrong.
Women with the same issues don't get a pass (and often not even a diagnoses). Don't give it to men either
That's right ladies. When a man shows interest and "picks" you, no matter how unsuitable or how little you want him, better be grateful and say yes. 😍
Men are so commitment phobic you should feel lucky to settle for a man way below your league or 20 years older than you. Don't want those eggs to dry up now...
(this is what media and society believes)
I don’t think you’re wrong at all ! Everyone has preferences for who they date. I don’t think its wrong to next someone that has brain development issues or any other kind of physical or mental disability. We can set whatever standard we want.
I’ve never seen the show you’re talking about but it does seem like she’s meant to settle for a man no one else wants.
I understand theres people out there with autism and Asperger’s that are capable of living a normal life and being fully independent even though they face hardships. But that doesn’t sound like the case here in this show.
Women don’t ever get a pass with anything. A women who has Asperger’s would just be told she’s no good and no man would want her. She would never get a love interest on a tv show.
I have autism but I don't think you're being politically wrong. The way autism presents differs a lot per person (and also per gender because of female socialization, women would never be allowed to act as autistic as men are). I can understand social cues when they're very obvious, but most of the time I struggle reading expressions and body language. I try my hardest though and spend a lot of time observing the way others interact with each other, because I don't want others to feel uncomfortable or overstep on people's boundaries or unintentionally be inappropiate. This is something women with autism do more often, and it's also how they manage to fly under the radar and end up diagnosed much later in life. Men are more likely to be coddled. How dare you call him out when he's being rude to you? Don't you know he's autistic? Similarly, how dare you not reciprocate his feelings?? I also hate how media has to make everything about romance. God forbid a woman is single in her thirties and remains single.
It depends on how they cope with their autism.
I've met some guys with autism who pay extra attention to how they're coming across since they can't understand social cues very well. Those tend to be sweet.
Some really don't understand social cues and don't care. They think it's up to us to validate whatever they are doing even if it violates all social norms. This kind of autistic men are usually aggressive towards women.
You don't have to accept anything that doesn't suit you!
I can't be honest about this anywhere else because I'd get cancelled.
I tried dating a guy with autism a few months ago and had to break it off. He was attractive and tried, but we just weren't a match. He honestly wasn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things and I wish him the best.
...
HOWEVER, the whole experience really opened my eyes to another dimension of "shit men are excused for that women aren't". Sure, he tried more than most, but he still implicitly put himself first, expected me to fit into this convenient, predetermined role in HIS life, expected we'd move closer to HIS family, all that was just a given. He talked about wanting kids, but everytime I'd ask questions about autism or what raising autistic kids would be like, he glossed over it. He tried to pass it off as, "oh, it's cute and we wear headphones and like routines 🥰". As a few months went by, I saw more and more of what I was getting myself into and quite frankly didn't want to walk into a relationship where I was just fundamentally not understood. He was shocked and didn't get why I wouldn't move things forward when he "did everything right".
I'm sorry (not sorry) but the autistic women I know don't get to centre themselves like that. They're chastised for every little thing their entire lives and then we as a society get to decide that "oh autism just pReSeNtS differently in women"? Give me a break. They were cut zero slack, let's not pretend that doesn't make a difference.
I don't know. I tend to get along just fine with autistic women, and tend not to want to be around autistic men. Colour me shocked.
I know the show you are talking about. It rubbed me the wrong way for exactly this reason. ALL the women have their "happy" endings when they end up with a guy. I felt especially bad for Su-a, who is shown to potentially end up with the guy who publicly proposes to someone else first (her rival, no less)
The heroine is shown to be self sacrificing struggling lady who is Good and gets rewarded in the end when a rich guy picks her
Her sister is the Bad one who abandons her kid- that is objectively bad- but she is shown as materialistic and overly gold digging. There is one scene where she advises her kid to date someone who can provide and is not in debt. She is overall FDS minded but shown as very annoying and cast as the villain and abandons her kid with no shame. Basically, they correlated vetting for financial stability with evilness and narcissism. Tale as old as time.
The portrayal of mothers as unreasonably overbearing and psychotic about their kid's education was sexist- in my opinion. In reality, mothers are the only ones who care about their kids and their education.
Oh, to top it all off, the heroine proposes to the guy in the end. Goddess save us all
Despite all of this, it was a fun and well made show- if you ignore these subtexts. But we can't unsee what we already know, sigh.
BTW- I hope we are talking about the same show xD. Crash Course in Romance, it's called?
Autism makes all the worst male characteristics more evident and severe, such as poor communication, atrophied emotion, poor adaptability and lack of spontaneity. Characteristics that naturally men are more deficient than women even without autism.
I don't mean to sound prejudiced, but most of them are undeniably incels. I believe that having autism or another serious mental illness is much more determinant for being a failure in love than being an ugly man. Elliot Rodger was also autistic.