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My mom has been going on a rage because her LVM son in a single month has been effing up in many ways. I'm aware my mom has internalized misogyny by a lot of the things she says as pointed out by many people I've talked about this to, including some posts I have discussed on FDS maybe my mom doesn't know any better but the things she says when I was younger hurt me, but now as a grown adult just makes me shake my head.
I am a woman that has essentially been single my entire life because of distrust in men. I attribute it to growing up with chaotic household where my brothers were free to do as they wanted but I was expected to sit down and shut up.
Perhaps I am delusional but I expect my dating life and eventual partner to be someone I can respect and love and have be reciprocal. I want what FDS expects of men, to treat us with respect and for us to exist peacefully.
My mom made a comment how disappointed she is that my brother keeps going around chasing random women to date him. She says "highly educated, high status women" should be chasing him around and "helping" him out. She expects a barb the builder to swoop in and take care of her son. When I pointed out how flawed that line of thinking was because I, as her daughter, wouldn't want to be chasing or dating a man similarly to my brother's problems. I didn't say it that harshly but to not give out details of him, I just said I wouldn't want to be chasing around a man with those kinds of problems. She complained in spanish that I should "get my act together" and find myself a factory worker man for example, that my standards of trying to find a millionaire joe is unrealistic. Except I'm not trying to find a millionaire joe mc chad... having his sh*t together is a bare minimum. I can't sit here and list what I want in a man yet other than someone that isn't going to be a as*hole to me, someone that as soon as I catch a cold won't walk out because his peepee didn't receive enough attention. The fact that even my mom thinks my standards are too high for her daughter in regards to seeking men is... sad.
That's a list I'm still working on. I want to date and not be single either, but that's on me to put it into action, I guess. I don't want to sound like I seek guidance from my mom, she doesn't know any better. I'm so glad for FDS. Without it I would seriously not know what to look out for.
Try to ignore your mom and live separately. The kid she will try to rely on, especially if you find a decent man, is so you. Tell her no, unless she is willing to cut ties with the sons.
Try to remember your mom grew up in a time where being rescued by the prince in the white horse was every girls dream, and being single with cats was the social equivalence of leprosy. We've come a long way from that(well, some of us have) but that socially ingrained stuff dies hard, and she probably has decided your ultimate happiness lies in marriage and children. The things we expect from men today were unheard of when some of us were growing up. Not to excuse the things she says, just maybe a bit of insight to why.
Your mom had her shot at being young and finding a high value mate while putting her own needs and happiness first. If she’s training her male children to be LVM, then that’s very unfortunate but it’s also a strong indicator that her opinions about you and your choices can be safely ignored. I would also suggest setting strong boundaries around your personal life and especially your relationships. If she has narcissistic tendencies like my own mother, she might even actively sabotage your relationships with men out of jealousy and spite (like mine did before I completely cut contact with her many years ago, but that’s a story for another day). Your mother’s choices are her own, and your happiness is your responsibility, not hers, so don’t let her negativity or emotional abuse throw you off course in pursuit of your goals. Your standards can and should be as high as you want them to be, and if they’re reasonably obtainable and the stars align, your HVM will do far more for you than simply refraining from being a complete loser. Your mother can accept this or not, but you aren’t obligated to indulge her petty desire to tear you down so that she feels better about her own poor choices. You got this, 👑
Yeah, my mom is jealous of the way my exes have treated me bc they’ve treated me so well. She’s a raging pick me who said she’d blow my ex for me if I didn’t bc that’s the only way to keep a man. 😵💫Like. One of my exes took me on a romantic vacay and my mom wanted the deets about the sex. I didn’t want to tell her so I just said we didn’t have sex and she got SO mad on behalf of my bf and called me a horrible, mean person. My bf and I had had a LOT of sex on that trip, but it was amazing to see how my mom responded. Weird ass shit.